ScottFromWI

If you really want to make a change now, just don't go to the liquor store. Take a different route home and get a water or a soda from a vending machine if you need something to drink on the way home.

leviathan

Nightmares, welcome. great post. never worry about wordiness here. one thing i have not seen mentioned yet was a very important thing for me. after about a month or so dry, i noticed a very obvious shift in my depression and anxiety. they got better all the sudden like. no meds. just sobriety. a few vitamins and a decent diet (thanks wifie). researchers have found that it takes a little while for all of your chemistry to balance out. im 44. you may find it doesnt take as long.

keep this in your mind when judging the effects of sustained sobriety. stay off the alc for a few months and then see how you feel.

also, although a pain in the butt, a little lost sleep will not kill ya. insomnia is a normal part of this. it will subside as your system learns to readjust to not being anesthetized.

SoberHoopsFan

Hey, welcome aboard. Based on your narrative, I think cutting back or moderation is not going to work for you. The only way to eliminate the problems that alcohol is causing you is by abstaining completely from drinking at all. Are you ready to commit to that? It's a big, life-changing decision. Since getting sober (and I'm still fairly new at it), many things have improved for me, but it's taken a lot of work to stop. There are a number of options you have to help you quit, I'm sure others can point you in the right direction. I've participated in an outpatient rehab program and also use self/secular methods to stay sober. It's a slogan, but the phrase "nothing changes if nothing changes" is true. You may have to make big alterations to your lifestyle to stay sober, I know I did.

Good luck, and you're in the right place.

NightmaresOnWax

Okay I took scott's advice and got two mineral waters instead. I made it home...now the problem is I'm sitting here in my drinking room staring at a case of beer...what to do?

Maybe I will air up my bike tires and go for a ride...but once that's. over, then what?

NightmaresOnWax

what exactly does outpatient rehab consist of? AA seems pretty popular and people keep saying you don't have to believe in anything, yet they go on to talk about how they eventually found god, or I need to read the bible.
I respect everyone's beliefs, so I won't go into detail other than to say I grew up in a Christian household and have read it multiple times. I know what it's all about and I will always believe in nothing.
I don't see how AA and twelve steps is going to work if i can't get past step #2...

Anyways I broke down and got some non alcoholic beer. does that count as being sober since it still has alcohol? I was feeling anxious and something about drinking it calms me down...

SoberHoopsFan

I would check out the secular forum if you are interested in a non-12 step approach, SMART and Rational Recovery are a couple of the methods. But any approach advocates complete abstinence from alcohol, so that's the decision you will need to make.

NA beer doesn't count as drinking I don't think (you would have to ask someone else who is more familiar with it), but for me (and many others) it would be too much of a trigger to even chance it.

ScottFromWI

You don't need to be religious to benefit from AA. Have you been to a meeting to actually see what it is all about? It's not for everyone, but you won't know if you don't try it first

Outpatient rehab usually involves daily meetings for several hours at a specific faclity where you work on all kinds of things. Most do require at least a few days of sobriety for admission though, otherwise they will advise detox first.

NightmaresOnWax

When I was a small child, I attended some meetings with my parents who were both addicts. I aasume because they couldn't get a babysitter, but I'm not sure. I just remember it seemed wierd and I kept wondering how talking about religion and watching video's about the rapture could possibly help them stop drinking.

I was very young, so maybe my memory is off. I do remember that they went to another meeting location once and they didn't like it...maybe it was just the specific group they were in that was so focused on religion?
I guess I'm not really familiar with how ir works, so I would need to try it to be sure.
I can be so negative sometimes, especially when I'm sober. I feel like I've already drawn a negative conclusion about it and even if I go, I won't give it a chance to help....if that makes any sense.

I also have never been very social. I tend to keep things to myself and try to deal with problems by myself. I can picture myself going to a meeting and sitting in a corner without really participating or ever talking to anyone...
and really I'm not so sure talking to anyone will help. I've been depressed for as long as I can remember and the only thing I've found that helps is drugs and alcohol. before I used anything, I was miserable.
I dont see how talking to anyone, or going to meetings would keep me from constantly feeling depressed for no reason at all.
Just thinking about it is...well, depressing.

anyhow I'm. rambling now. Time to lay in the dark and stare at the ceiling. My girlfriend doesn't seem to understand that sleep aids have zero effect on me when i haven't been drinking.

I.just want to let everyone know I appreciate the replies. it seems to be steering me in the roght direction and. probably would be drunk right now without them.

anotherquitter

I go to AA. I haven't found 'GOD' and I'm not looking.

What I have found is sobriety, fellowship, honesty, humility, and quite a bit of serenity along the way.

Stop procrastinating and imagining what AA is all about. Get off your backside and go to a meeting. The hardest step is the first one through the door. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking.

If you don't like the first meeting, try a different one. If you don't like that one, try something else. We can't do it for you, you've got to do it for yourself - but there are many helping hands out there.

doggonecarl

It's good that you are thinking about sobriety, and good that last night was a big change from your normal routine.

But thinking about quitting is just that...thinking. And thinking won't get you sober. Action will. Change will.

Start with dumping the beer. That would be a massive act, a defining change you can make to start this sober journey.

NightmaresOnWax

My girlfriend bought it...I wonder if she would care, though.

I am thinking about sticking with it this time. My health is really starting to suffer. I could feel the pain today in my stomach.
I think I could make it until friday no problem...I'm afraid that when I go to the beach house this weekend, I will be too temped and I will fail again.
I keep contemplating on telling myself to hold out until this weekend, drink and then quit on monday(I saw how well that works out multiple times before)...Or actually shooting for not drinking at the beach house either. I just keep asking myself how will I have fun and not be depressed the whole time without drinking?

That is the only thing stopping me from pouring me out. Some stupid thought of how it is a waste of money to pour it out, if I start drinking again this weekend.
Then Again it was so tempting yesterday that I had to go blow more money on O'douls, so I guess it really makes no sense, right?

Maybe I could have my girlfriend hide it until this weekend and she can give it to our friends who come visit?

Or should I just turn my mind off and pour it out, then resume thinking?

gardendiva

I drink NA beer and yes I consider myself sober. Maybe I could get a buzz if I pounded 12 in 30 minutes who knows lol. At cookouts and parties I usually stop after 3 simply because I don't want any more. You know, the way normal drinkers do with real beer.

I suggest learning as much about alcoholism and recovery as you can. Learning the biology behind it was very helpful for me. The authors of the RR and AVRT programs have some great books. AA was not for me, but I think everyone should try it and decide for themselves.

Good luck.

ScottFromWI

Since you are so early in sobriety I would suggest this
* Tell your girlfriend to come and get the beer or dump it out
* skip the beach house trip this weekend if it will be too tempting to drink, spend some time here on SR instead.
* Go to an aa meeting today.

Hawkeye13

I also drink NA beer on occasion with no triggering, but that depends on each person.

Maybe you need to skip the beach house this weekend and change your routine.

Get the beer out of your house and don't drink it.

Please look at the secular forum stickys for other options besides AA if that doesn't appeal to you.

Bottom line is you have to decide you will not be drinking no matter what support you use to get there.
Yes, the first weeks / months can be challenging, and yes, you will have to learn how to sleep without being drunk,
but in the end your life will be what you make it, and you will have control of it again.

Right now you don't seem to have control, or are even absolutely sure you want to stop.
That internal unwavering decision to stop putting alcohol in your body for any reason, any time is the most important one to success I believe.
You can have fun and relax without drinking.
I drank for 35 years and I now enjoy my pool and summer much more than
when I drank. It's your choice of attitude.

If you see yourself as being "deprived" of booze life sucks
If you see yourself making choices to not continue your downward spiral of drinking and instead
to replace your toxic habits with life-affirming positive ones, than life becomes fantastic.

As you transform yourself sober, your life can expand in ways you never thought possible.

Good luck and choose wisely--it sounds like you are ready to do that?

doggonecarl

You are not even one day sober...So you don't know what kind of fun you will have, or how you will feel. You are predetermining you won't like it, giving you an excuse to drink.

Don't expect to be doing cartwheels of joy your first few weeks of sobriety. Early recovery can be a real rollercoaster of emotions. But if you focus on staying sober, and work on finding meaning and satisfaction in your life as a sober person, happiness will follow.


My recovery plan? I quit thinking and I quit drinking!

NightmaresOnWax

Makes sense. I woke up this morning to a flood of thoughts and ideas I haven't felt in a long time. I think I may have even had a dream I kind of remember. It's like my brain was telling me thank you for not drinking. It felt nice for a minute...then the depression hit me like a wave, but I got over it one I got busy at work.


I think that would help me a lot. Someone suggested reading "alcohol lied to me" yesterday and I started reading that. I think it's going to help a lot, plus it gives me something to do at home.

That's a tough one for me because my relationship is already on edge and we live with each other. I already blew her birthday last weekend. She spent over 1500 dollars on the beach house and has been planning it for months. Our friends are going and everything.
If I blow it and don't go, because I'm an alcoholic, I'm not so sure she will understand.
However, I don't think pouring the beer out would bother her, although there will still be plenty of alcohol available at the beach house.
At some point I'm going to have to learn to say no. I keep using the beach house as an excuse to not to stop drinking, but the reality is that sitting at the house alone while everyone is out could be just as tempting.

Maybe I can just try to distract myself with so many activities that I'm not thinking about it so much...


I really don't know if I am ready to go to any meetings. I really want to quit, I'm just not sure how to cope without drinking. Lately when I drink all I can think of is how much it's hurting me and how much more I am having to drink in order to numb my mind. It's disgusting to me. I have grown to hate it, but it's the only ting that helps. I don't even like getting drunk, I just want the thoughts and feelings I have when I'm sober to go away.
Sometimes my mind races and that's all I can do to get it to stop.

I looked at the list of AA meetings and almost all of them are at churches. I haven't been to church in almost 20 years
I'm looking into other options right now. Maybe I could go to some kind of meeting before the weeks over, but I am extremely nervous and anxious about going to any meeting for some reason.
I know deep down that this is probably all just more denial and lies, but right now it seems I have myself convinced. I know it's irrational, but it's like I want to believe it.

If I can just get the courage to go to one- without having to take a drink to build up the courage, I might be okay.

The therapist called today and wants to schedule another appointment. I'm on the fence about going back. I am spending a lot of time off work(which is frowned upon) and money, but it doesn't seem like it's helping at all. He still has yet to refer me to the Dr. for some undisclosed antidepressant meds. after three additional visits.
Honestly this website seems to be doing a lot more good than he is.

ScottFromWI

The reality is that you need to put sobriety as your absolute #1 priority, especially in the early stages. You will always be able to find an excuse to keep drinking. It is going to mean doing things you are not comfortable with, and probably finding some different things to do and people to hang around with as well.

ForgetfulKevin

Those meetings are not likely to be in the church itself, but in a meeting room off to the side (e.g., the fellowship hall where people go for coffee after the Sunday service).

Do you see a general practitioner/primary-care physician? Maybe you could visit them directly regarding the depression and anxiety.

NightmaresOnWax

Yes, but she is extremely conservative with medications. I suppose I could ask her to call my therapist.

I'm not sure what type of "anti-depressants" he was talking about. He just said that they would definitely work and I may not be able to drink with them...or if I do, very little. I think it's possible that he was considering multiple meds.
Sounds like they may have some serious side effects, so I'm thinking that could be why he wanted to refer me to a specific Dr. that he knows.

He texted me this morning to set up another appt. I could always ask what is going on and if I could just see another Dr...

biminiblue

The more you learn about the biology of alcohol dependence, the more you will see that sustained abstinence will lead to substantial reduction in your depression and probably completely eliminate your racing thoughts and anxiety. I had all of that and it is gone.

The alcohol is causing this. Stay off it for 90 days, come to this site for an hour a day, and I guarantee you will feel like a different person.

Alcohol is a central nervous system depressant, among other things. Depressant.

I was so depressed at the end of my drinking that all I could think about was dying and the mistakes I had made and the life I had wasted. I don't feel that way any more.

Once you're off for a while (like a couple months) decide at that point whether you need an antidepressant drug. They really don't work while you are drinking anyway.

The first month is going to be difficult. Accept that and don't pick up the first drink - no matter how you are feeling in the moment. Whatever you are feeling - This too shall pass.