Acheleus

I am 8 months sober. Almost to nine months. Tomorrow I am planning on finishing a huge ordeal and once it is over immediately going to a bar where I can smoke and drink. I really have no idea why. I'm scared and I don't understand why it is the only thing I can think about. Everything in my life is changing, I am moving in a week. I don't want to move. I'm scared and I feel ashamed.

Mags1

Hi Acheleus, once you've finished your ordeal can you not have non alcohol drink? Nearly nine months is not to be sniffed at, you've done a lot of work to be at this stage.
Keep posting here, as you know a lot of like minded people with a lot more common sense than myself.
If you don't want to pick up, don't.

Acheleus

Yes I want to drink to turn off my brain.

Dee74

That's crazy talk Ach. I'm glad you came here to rat yourself out.

There are many other ways to wind down relax and let your brain cool down - exercise is good...and music is too - I know you're a musician.

Drinking (and smoking) aren't rewards for guys like us. It's like opening a door to Hell...and neither of us can really be sure when (or if) we can ever shut the door again....

you've made amazing strides Ach.
Don't throw that away.

D

HeadLump

So good to hear from you, Ach!!! I have thought about you so much. And you are doing so well

You've posted here so there is clearly some part of you that doesn't want to drink tomorrow. That's the voice of the real Acheleus. Please don't drown it out.

Change is scary - and you've a major change coming up. But change is also positive. It's an opportunity for new experience and new growth. Look at how much you've changed in the last 8 months! This is a new Acheleus - one who embraces life, one who is proud and has no need to feel shame ... ever.

Finish your ordeal tomorrow and then celebrate by having ice cream or watching a film or jumping into the sea or anything that will make you feel good but will not set you back. And when you've done that, congratulate yourself for being stronger than ever and float on clouds of pride into 9 months sobriety.

You can do this, Ach. Youve proved you can. Heck, you can do anything!

Here for you as always, my friend

Acheleus

Thank you. I don't know why the craving is so strong. Sometimes in sobriety I have felt like the old drunk me was not even real. It's confusing. Now I will make plans for myself tomorrow. Some part of me does want to throw everything away. It's time for me to focus more on my recovery. I won't give up.

Dee74

good to hear Ach - you have several of us rooting for you

D

Acheleus

I hope you are doing well Dee and HL. I know dee you posted about a struggle you were experiencing. I hope you are getting through it. Thanks for all your positive support

Dee74

I think it's over now Ach - thanks for your good wishes

D

Kaneda8888

Hey Ach

Its great to hear form you ! Well done on your sobriety , you've made brilliant progress. Can you break down this ordeal into small pieces and examine each one to see why its causing you to have such anxiety ? As Dee said, plan out your day and keep yourself busy (and I recommend outdoors). Dont let your thoughts stew.

Stay calm and collected Ach and post here as much as you can if the cravings get strong !

Nuudawn

Oh gosh...my dear ole Ache. Soon as I saw the thread and author. I felt a fret coming on.

Dee's words...that's it.

I remember that hell...that pain and suffering you were in like it was yesterday. Please sweetie. Don't you ever throw yourself away...never. Been thinking boutcha. So glad you're still sober.

You're moving? Where you going? Gosh...you mentioned having to face an ordeal. Sobriety...life has those.

I'm so very, very happy for you sweetie. Please don't abandon yourself. Please keep taking care of your fine self.

Croissant

hi Acheleus....I've been wondering how you are.

Good on you for reaching out.

I think sometimes we forget how helpful this site can be in reminding us that sobriety is worth fighting for, and that drinking would not be relief, just more struggle.

That first drink, OK, so you want all that and more...but when would it stop? When I realised that the outcome was going to be unpredictable, I realised it was best not to entertain those thoughts anymore.

The last huge, overwhelming urge I had nearly broke me.....it's the really difficult ones that can help push you to the next level of understanding your sobriety, Acheleus. This time you need to get angry with the AV, stop feeding it, and start loving yourself just that little bit more.

It's only an empty promise you are dreaming of. It's not real.xx

HeadLump

I'm doing fine, Ach, and smiling even more now that I know you're holding strong xxx

MythOfSisyphus

I'm glad you came here first, Ach. Your words remind me of the way I used to feel, scared to fail but maybe more scared to succeed. You're in uncharted waters and it's scary! Booze is terrible and has caused you so much misery but at the same time it's familiar.

I get that you're afraid of change but life is change! Without change we wither and die. You have come to far to cave in to fear now. It's only a moment, something that will pass. Don't give your fear or cravings more power than they really have.

You can do this, Acheleus!

PurpleKnight

Hey Ach, don't throw away all that hard work over one craving, it's not worth opening that door again!! You can get through this!!

DopieDopeMan

I wouldnt do that if were you my friend. I did the same thing after getting a funeral organised and attending it. I was doing great on these boards and made a similar thread just like yours here on my old account..the relapse lasted a year

soberclover

I'm glad you checked in too! I am sure after your ordeal is over you could think of a much better way to unwind; can you take yourself out for a great meal or watch a film or play? Nine months is awesome!!!!! I'm so proud of you!!!!!

neferkamichael

Acheleus, almost 9 months sober is FANTASTIC, congratulations. Make it through this and you will be that much more powerful over alcohol, rootin for ya.

MrPhilDuck

I had a discussion this weekend with a friend of mine, he told me he smokes marihuana when he wants to shut his brain off and not drink (he's also in the phat of soberty)

I guess weed will calm you down and not affect you in the way alcohol does, could be a good solution but I don't know how is your relationship with weed so be careful with that.

ccam1973

Don't throw in the towel, ACH.

I had just over 9 months sober last year when i decided to have "only one drink". What a HUGE mistake. I've spent the last 8 months trying to claw back to sobriety and regain all of the awesome benefits that come with not drinking! I don't ever have to go through these early days again, EVER! Day 15 for me today...

You can do this.

Best of luck!