ekym

I know it sounds so un-real to someone who is only days dry or weeks to hear someone who has been away from it for so long still having trouble with parts of it. But I am surrounded by drinkers in my family and friends and I am still finding that I have the urges to try to be more like the rest of the group, to blend in and be more socially included. When if fact, I find people who drink have very little intelligent conversation's. I joined in the chat room here on the board and spoke with a few very nice people, thank you.

It was suggested that perhaps what I am lacking is sober people in my life? I don't want to be the anti-social person in the family, but it's really difficult to listen to the same stupid drink stories sometimes 3 or 4 times per night from the same person. We talk about what we drank last night, and the night before, how drunk we got last weekend, that we are looking foreword to getting drunk tonight, ect...

Anyone else think that it might help to seek out sober people? Should I try an AA meeting, church maybe or should I just open a bottle and join the rest? Where do I find sober people?

ekym

AKA Michael

CAPTAINZING2000

I joined aa and found like minded people that share a common interest in things I was interested in.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Michael!!

You'll find loads of sober people here on SR, with alcohol being so ingrained in society it's always going to be involved in much of life, but there are plenty of activities and situations where alcohol doesn't have as much of a focus!!

Great to have you here!!

ekym

Do you think I am already too dry to try an AA meeting, or is there no such thing?

ekym

Thank you, looking foreword to meeting other people who are sober for a positive change in my life.

FeenixxRising

You may want to consider therapy (or a few good self-help books). A need to fit in and be more socially included suggests there are some self-esteem issues that should be addressed. Personally, I understand this desire to fit-in, but I know it stems from some lingering self-esteem problems, so that's what I work on.

Of course, you could also attend AA, but I believe therapy would directly address a self-esteem problem if it exists.

ekym

Thank you for your insight, I have been considering that for a few years now, never pulled the trigger.

toomuchtoolose

Also worth looking to other places to make new friends in non drinking environments; hobbies and sports can be good :-)

IOAA2

At a far greater cost and no guarantee of positive results. AA is also a place where people understand people with drinking problems face to face. It’s not a social club but many close friends are possible if we allow it.

BE WELL

Dee74

Welcome Michael
I'm glad you've joined us

If you feel like the odd guy out I think some sober friends are definitely the way to go.

The thing that stopped me drinking is I know how it ends...no amount of time will ever reset me to being a 'normal drinker'. I've gained so much as a sober person...I never want to put that at risk

You'll certainly find sober support here - congrats on 18 years btw

D

Rence

I'd rather be the antisocial one in the family instead of "that guy" in the family

MIRecovery

I know a bunch of people who have more sobriety than you and they still go to meetings. Could be why they are still sober

ekym

hahaha, my family has a ton of "that guy" I should never have to worry about that

Anna

I found volunteer work saved me. Why not give something back?

ekym

I'm not sure if it is the "odd guy out" issue or even self esteem as suggested by another reply, in social situations I find myself moving from group to group listening to the various topic's and I just can't seam to chime in and get involved sometimes, I find that I am just bored most of the time if you know what I mean.

What stopped me from drinking? silly reason now that I look back on it, I wanted to set a good example for my newborn child, who is 19 years old and is now starting to experiment with alcohol herself. This last fact is part of the resent struggle for me, I almost feel like I quit for nothing when I see or think about it, although inside I know the real reason I quit was not for her but for me.

KAD

First of all, 18 years! Wow! Great job on that!

Why would not drinking = being anti-social? Or were you thinking in term of how it would be taken if you no longer hung around the ones who are still drinking? I've heard it said that drinking friends aren't really friends at all, their addictions/drinking habits are friends with each other. Take that away and many of these people find they don't even know each other. Looks like you're already well aware of that, at least from your own perspective.

As it has been mentioned here already, there are places to go to be around non-drinkers. AA might be an option. Even though you've been sober 18 years, we all know sobriety is something we have to maintain and be vigilant. If you're even considering the option of joining in and drinking again, I'd take that as a definite indication you need to be vigilant.

Eddiebuckle

My family is like that, too. I love them, but that doesn't mean it's especially healthy for me to spend extended periods with them. It's just frustrating after awhile. Hanging out with drunk people is not intellectually rewarding.

AA is a great idea - after most evening meetings people will go out to dinner or other events like the movies, plays, sports. If you hang around and get to know folks in local meetings, you will find a circle of friends that don't need to be nearly unconscious to have a good time.

Let us know how you make out!!

360shoes

Hi Michael, Welcome!

I need like minded people but I've found it goes deeper than whether they drink or not. My friends drink once in awhile but they drink like normal people so it's no big deal. They can take it or leave it.

What makes us like minded is we respect our differences, wish happiness for each other, have each other's back, and bring out the best in each other. When the going gets tough we are there for each other. We respect boundaries.

I have to be around like minded people. It's a must for me. My home and life is a no negative drama mean people life zone.

Good news is I've found that criteria has opened up a lot of opportunity to have what I need. Nice, caring, genuine people are everywhere.

Probably some in bars too but once you add drunk to the mix the odds greatly reduce.

Just me. I had to expand my definition of like minded. Far beyond drinking or not. Don't get me wrong. I don't have much in common anymore with folks who drink excessively so I stay out of that circle.

We all need people. Well at least most of us. I can't speak for everyone. Go make friends with people who value what you value. There are lots out there.

Glad you joined us!

ekym

I don't believe it's necessarily the "not" drinking that promotes the anti-social issue's, although I sometimes feel if I were drunk then It might help bring out that witty and entertaining part of me that family members are constantly reminding me is missing from "their" lives, I just find that I don't know what I am supposed to say or do to keep up with the group. When your sober, how do you respond to the statement, "holy cow did we get sh*t faced last night" and "you should really try this x-brand drink, it's very good"

Oh, I defiantly need to stay vigilant, there is no doubt.

Thank you for the response

LadyBlue0527

Wow 18 years! That is fantastic!

I know that I quit before and have had a really hard time. My time is meager next to yours (a bit over a year) but I know that there's been a big difference in my approach in this attempt. I finally realized that quitting and hanging with the same people wasn't going to work. At least not those who had just as much of a problem as I did with alcohol. I have some friends who have gatherings that have alcohol involved and I have no problem attending. It's because these people are the "have a few drinks over pleasant conversation" types. No triggers there, they don't change moods etc.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that being with people whose aim is to get three sheets to the wind is not a great experience for someone who is trying to be active in recovery. I can't tolerate it. However, it isn't necessarily that you have to only hang with sober people, I think that people who are normal when it comes to alcohol works too.

My volunteer work has also saved me. Giving back is really one of the best things I've done in sobriety, and coming here.

I think that you're on the right path as to what you need. That's always a good sign. I'm glad that you posted Michael! Lots of great people here to have discussion with on topics like this.