Raider

It's only been 13 days, but it feels like a continuation of the previous 4 1/2 months of sobriety. I just remember how miserable I felt during the 11 day + 2 day relapses of two weeks ago. No joy there. But there is joy in sobriety...

1. I see the sunset every night setting over the Great Salt Lake. When drinking, I passed out before the sunset most nights
2. I'm watching the end of the 2000 movies that I have seen the start of 4 times. Always too wasted to see the end.
3. I pray every night. I pray for all those that post here
4. I can take a phone call after 8pm. I can even make one.
5. I have lost the desire to drink. My H has been out of town for a week. There is liquor in here somewhere. I don't feel the need to find it.
6. I still envy those that can have a drink or two. But no more than I envy someone taller and thinner than myself. It's just not going to happen.


I don't know how long I'll feel this way, but I'm am latching onto it. It feels good.

So H goes out of town. He calls each night. He is with family that drinks. He has been drinking when he calls. I realize this is not something we can experience together anymore. Makes me a bit sad. Having a great time without me. I don't know. But I'll be ok.

Thanks.

ScottFromWI

Glad to hear things are going well Raider. Not to nitpick, but #6 definitely conflicts with #5. It's great you are aware of it and something to work on.

Raider

Yea maybe so. Envious because I can't just have a nice time. And if I can't just have a nice time, I don't want it at all.

ANewDayNYC

You are doing great - keep up the good work

Mags1

Pleased things are looking up Raider, if only we could bottle good feelings, hey, wouldn't it be great.x

PurpleKnight

Keep pushing through!! 13 days is great!!

hayley86

Congrats on 13 days! I'm glad you're doing well.

Fandy

You CAN have a nice time with any company you choose....just drink a different beverage of your choice that is non alcoholic.

I'm glad you are doing well...I asked last night in the haahaa thread, but forgot to check it.
LeFuzz needs a bath? what a little baby she is....good company.

congrats on your 2 weeks and don't spoil the endings of those movies I passed out on too at the end....I'm still not caught up. enjoy the good weather, winter comes too fast for me these days.

Tonymblue

Thats is great. I feel the same way. Life is good. My wife drinks a little from time to time. I wont be able to do that with her. However, i will be able to do all the others things with her that i missed or just dont remember doing. God bless.

Soberpotamus

I felt this way early on, and sometimes still do. But I've also found that I'm able to have a much nicer time now without involving alcohol. Taking it completely out of the equation and knowing what will happen if I introduce it back into the equation frees me up to relax and enjoy. Keep pushing forward. You'll be free of it eventually.

CAPTAINZING2000

When, you say they drink, do you mean socially?

There will come a point, after you are sober long enough, being around social drinking won't bother you. If your hubby and family drink like there is no tomorrow , probably best you avoid them. I don't want to be around intoxicated people to this day. Painful reminder to me I was like that when I drank.

Pipefish

Look at that cat!!! Peace, perfect peace :-)

Good job on your two weeks Raider :-)

SoberLeigh

It's really great to hear that things are going so well, Raider. Nothing like a sober sunset!!!!!

Raider

Captianizing, H doesn't drink like that around me, but he probably is now where he is at.

Ah yes, Fandy. ZeeFuzZ....a bath once a week. Ears cleaned once a week, no hair means they boil over like volcanoes with wax. Yuk. Nails clipped and cleaned. The nails are weird, they drW back into the skin. No hair means a waxy build up at the base of the nail, press the paw to expose the nail and clean out the buildup. It's all quite gross. But oh she helps me a lot.

Angel1555

Thanks Raider, your post made my day.

Nuudawn

I took my dad to the horseraces in the city yesterday. And as we strolled by all the vendors selling booze.. I had a wistful moment. Wished I could have a drink or two. At one point my Dad said, "ya know I would like to have a glass of draft but I ain't paying $7 bucks for it. I would choke on it knowing I paid that". This coming from a man who has blown hundreds of thousands of dollars on gambling. Anyhoo...I digress.

Anyways, had I still been drinking I would not have taken my dad to the races. I just know it. My dad and I don't have the easiest time chatting but we had a great day. We decided to share each bet on some fancy triactor/trifecta (whatever) on each race where we essentially had to pick 4 horses. This encouraged all sorts of dialogue between us. We would discuss what horse names we liked, what jockey was on it and how good he or she was in the standings. We would walk over to the paddock before the race and have a look at the horses..see which ones we liked. The weather was agreeable..not blistering hot. There was a disc jockey blasting cool tunes from the beer garden. There was the energy of people everywhere. At one point I saw an obvious dad with his little girls talking about betting.

I was thrown back to being a little girl myself ...right there...at that racetrack with my dad. I almost wanted to say something to the man. Look here I am in my 40's bonding with my dad in his 80's.

I apologize if there are any "gambler's" here who this post might trigger. My dad's addiction was gambling. He lost a great deal over it (his wife for instance) I am the daughter of an addict. I am an addict.

Nevertheless...I was at the table of life with my dad yesterday. I was present...fully and completely.

Would a drink or two have made it better? Not a chance. Oddly enough, in the back of my truck were two of my Dad's beer he left at my house when dogsitting for a few days a couple weeks back. I had brought them with me to return yesterday cuz I just didn't want them in my fridge. Anyways, I gave him a beer for the ride home. It felt good to offer him that beer he wouldn't pay for ..lol. I think he was pretty pleased to have that beer on the ride home. Told him there were two but he didnt' need the second (it's an hour and half trip back from the city). That wouldn't have been me ..had I known there were two available. I digress...

Sooner or later..we realize that connecting with other takes a little effort. We listen, we respond...we don't lubricate our way through it. We don't need to ..if we are present...fully and completely.

jdooner

Good job Raider. I think its okay to have those envious thoughts. We still have thoughts of a drink. I don't believe they ever go away, the frequency diminishes though. What I don't have is the obsession anymore and when I do have an occasional thought triggered by a song, setting, situation, I realize that the thought is false. Its usually a vodka on the rocks would be nice. But it would not. Because it would not be just one. Maybe way back when it was but in the end it was the beg of the end. And that one drink would bring about consequences and a life that I don't need.

So my point is don't feel its wrong to have a thought. Acknowledge and accept the thought but realize its a mirage. This is similar to the RR AVRT technique. I find it useful to take pause and see what might have caused the thoughts - a fear? A resentment? If so I make a journal entry on it.

Good luck and again, congrats. I too think this time is different for you.

EndGameNYC

Hey Pam. Happy to see you're back in form. Just keep on doin' what you're doin'.

I stopped envying other people when I found that I no longer wished to be anyone but me. And me is someone who cannot drink safely. I wouldn't give up my life, and probably nothing else, in order to be someone who I'm not. One of the many gifts of hard-won sobriety.

Raider

I went to a casino by the cabin last month. Just smoking and drinking water, playing my game. Someone sat down next to me, with five friends of theirs behind us. All seriously drunk. Was I that loud? Did I act that weird? Did I scream out cuss words? Was I obnoxious?

I didn't like that. I picked up my money and left....

Ok I had no money to pick up.....so I just left.

Boudicca

So pleased to hear your thoughts, R. Keep moving onwards, I really have faith in you.

OMG....the cute on this CAT!!!