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Freaking out on my way home to see my partner help

Old 07-19-2014, 08:52 PM
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Freaking out on my way home to see my partner help

You know when you f up and say I'm sorry I'll change, then you do it again and again and again. Well that's me. I'm on antabuse which helps me stay sober but my whole life revolves around alcohol. I had another fight with my partner it was boiling and boiling little things that are like a stab in the heart. He went out drinking with friends that hate me as they know me as drunk kahlia & he's bad when he drinks too. I offered to pick him up he was emotionally abusive & I said catch a taxi & hung up. Took 2 Valium to sleep ended up sculling a quater of straight jd incoherent & split my head open ended up in hospital, tried to kill myself cause he said he has had enough. Stayed at my mums for a week & time to go home & back to work. I struggled with bulimia for 10 yrs & have done really well to recover but my addictions swap to alcohol then pain killers I can't loose my man he saved me from myself I've been trying to get better & come so far this is it for me. I text I was on my way home & he said let me know so I can tell u where the keys are. Is my stuff going to be smashed will my pictures be face down . I told him I can't let him treat me like crap cause that's when I slip & need to stop with the what ifs. I live in Ipswich qld none of my own friends moved from the gc to be here is anyone close to me I'd love to have a coffee
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Old 07-19-2014, 11:16 PM
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Hi Kahlia

sounds like a situation that's not good for either of you. I hope your stuff was ok.
Could you move back to the Gold Coast?

D
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Old 07-19-2014, 11:30 PM
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Welcome to the family. I hope you can find some peace of mind soon.
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Old 07-20-2014, 12:11 AM
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Thanking you all heaps. He is at his friends that don't like me getting drunk. His work truck is here so I'm hoping he doesn't work tomorrow. My dogs are so happy to see their mummy. He was nice enough to put a load of washing on for me to hang out & leave a stack of dishes lol so I cleaned up & I'm just watching tv listening out for him to come back. At least I have my car now. I'd never move back to the gc it's a terrible place for someone like me to be in. I know he won't speak to me for the next week but I need the strength to not let him emotionally abuse me. Praying he stays at his friends he is not a nice drunk
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Old 07-20-2014, 12:21 AM
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Originally Posted by kahlia01 View Post
Thanking you all heaps. He is at his friends that don't like me getting drunk. His work truck is here so I'm hoping he doesn't work tomorrow. My dogs are so happy to see their mummy. He was nice enough to put a load of washing on for me to hang out & leave a stack of dishes lol so I cleaned up & I'm just watching tv listening out for him to come back. At least I have my car now. I'd never move back to the gc it's a terrible place for someone like me to be in. I know he won't speak to me for the next week but I need the strength to not let him emotionally abuse me. Praying he stays at his friends he is not a nice drunk
Hi Kahlia,

Do you have any support there? Are you not interested in AA?

If not, perhaps during the week or tonight you could give St Vincent De Paul a call or Lifeline and see what outreach services are there? Ipswich is a fairly big place and I know St Vincent De Paul have a lot of services out there. There must be some way you can connect to a support program out there.
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Old 07-20-2014, 12:33 AM
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Fair enough about the Gold Coast.
I agree with Crois tho - Ipswich is a big place - there should be lots of support around

Alcohol Tobacco and Other Drug Services - West Moreton - Drug & Alcohol Services in Ipswich - My Community Directory

Ipswich City Council - Ipswich Community Online

New to AA?

Meeting Search - Results By Region

Not pushing any of this on you - just stuff I found

D
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Old 07-20-2014, 01:40 AM
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I tried Aa & my partner didn't like me doing it. It's hard too I work 9-530 sat to wed. Thank you for all your support xx
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Old 07-20-2014, 01:49 AM
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Hi Kahlia welcome to sr, glad you found us, lot of help and support here.
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Old 07-20-2014, 01:52 AM
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If AA's not an option then I'd really try to make the most of SR Kahlia.
Why not join the Class of July thread for more support?

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...art-2-a-6.html

D
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Old 07-20-2014, 02:13 AM
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Originally Posted by kahlia01 View Post
I tried Aa & my partner didn't like me doing it. It's hard too I work 9-530 sat to wed. Thank you for all your support xx
Hi Kahlia - sorry, I was more suggesting there are probably places to go as you were asking to catch up for coffee with someone. It doesn't have to be AA.

Anyway, as Dee said. Just suggestions.
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Old 07-20-2014, 02:15 AM
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Hi sorry to hear you are having a hard time. Don't give up and remember he didn't save you...you saved you. You can do this, believe in yourself xx
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Old 07-20-2014, 03:00 AM
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Thank u all for ur support. When I suffered from bulimia for 10 years an online recovery program was what saved me so I have faith you will all help. I'm still trying to work out how to use this site though lol. He is home now ignoring me but I'm staying in the room watching tv before bed. I have the most excruciating tummy ache which I wish would go away. It's great to have people who go through the same as you & also you can help them. I have faith if I feel like a drink or even depressed I can jump straight on here & talk to someone xxx
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Old 07-20-2014, 08:25 AM
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Don't really have much to offer here. As long as you're okay with your partner's control issues (he doesn't like you going to AA, so you don't) and his abusive behaviors, there's not much you can do to better your situation.

The presence of contempt in the speech or demeanor of one partner, when it becomes a pattern, is a sign that the relationship is doomed. When this becomes a staple of regular discourse and near-daily interpersonal exchanges between two people in a relationship, then it amounts not only to abuse, but then becomes self-abuse.
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Old 07-20-2014, 08:44 AM
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I am completely in Endgame's camp on this. I see relationship red flags all over this post, starting with "I can't lose my man, he saved me from myself".
That's nobody's job but yours.
Which by the way, is a personal 911 situation for you right now. Your level of self unacceptance is heartbreaking to me. Believe me, I understand.
I just ended a straight up "addiction" of a relationship myself.
Sobriety is the key for me...to everything.
I initially wanted to sober again...FOR my relationship.
Turns out, my sobriety could not be maintained IN the relationship.

You need to start the process of learning to love yourself my friend. Please. My relationship addiction issues may be far greater than my alcohol ones..but you know what the thing is...
I can only work on that SOBER...no if's and or but's.
Sobriety is my first and foremost boundary. I need to mind ME. I need to take care of ME...first. Once that is achieved I am of far greater value to myself, this life and everyone around me.
It starts with you darling. It really, really does.
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Old 07-20-2014, 08:59 AM
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I relate in the sense that I am an addict at my core. I see addiction woven through your words. Relationship, drugs, alcohol, eating disorders...What AA did for me was a forklift upgrade on my psyche and change everything about my life. I didn't like AA at first either and fought hard. It saved my life though.

In another thread you were suggesting to someone else to drink non alcoholic drinks that remind you of Gin and Tonics. When I started to break the cycle of addiction, I could not just pop an Antebuse and Valium, I had to change everything about my life. This meant not vegging in front of the TV bc that would remind me of drinking, so I try to read or write during that time. I don't drink non alcoholic drinks that remind me of my DoC. I don't take one drug to substitute for the lack of another - this means no valium, Oxys, pot, coke, acid, shrooms, alcohol, benzos, nothing. To me this is sober.

Perhaps an in patient +60 day program might be a great option with an extended half way house at the end?
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Old 07-20-2014, 08:08 PM
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Originally Posted by EndGameNYC View Post
Don't really have much to offer here. As long as you're okay with your partner's control issues (he doesn't like you going to AA, so you don't) and his abusive behaviors, there's not much you can do to better your situation.

The presence of contempt in the speech or demeanor of one partner, when it becomes a pattern, is a sign that the relationship is doomed. When this becomes a staple of regular discourse and near-daily interpersonal exchanges between two people in a relationship, then it amounts not only to abuse, but then becomes self-abuse.
One thing ive learnt from staying away for a week is that I have to learn to love myself enough to not allow him to treat me that way & that's my new start. he is a control freak but we all can spill our hearts about the bad to get help but forget to write the thousand pages of good in the relationship. I believe if I work on me and don't take anyones crap he will respect me more . thankyou so much for your reply, I find online help is the best as I can multitask it into my life, AA helped & I got a lot of support people who I can call but I want to have the strength to be able to live life and not need to schedule time for meetings. just like when I was suffering with bulimia for 10 yrs, it was the online support receiving and giving help. people I could vent to that got me where I am today and ive come a mile :-) compared to what I used to be
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Old 07-20-2014, 08:10 PM
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Originally Posted by Nuudawn View Post
I am completely in Endgame's camp on this. I see relationship red flags all over this post, starting with "I can't lose my man, he saved me from myself".
That's nobody's job but yours.
Which by the way, is a personal 911 situation for you right now. Your level of self unacceptance is heartbreaking to me. Believe me, I understand.
I just ended a straight up "addiction" of a relationship myself.
Sobriety is the key for me...to everything.
I initially wanted to sober again...FOR my relationship.
Turns out, my sobriety could not be maintained IN the relationship.

You need to start the process of learning to love yourself my friend. Please. My relationship addiction issues may be far greater than my alcohol ones..but you know what the thing is...
I can only work on that SOBER...no if's and or but's.
Sobriety is my first and foremost boundary. I need to mind ME. I need to take care of ME...first. Once that is achieved I am of far greater value to myself, this life and everyone around me.
It starts with you darling. It really, really does.
Thankyou so much, your words touch me! any advice on how to love yourself xx
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Old 07-20-2014, 08:22 PM
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Originally Posted by jdooner View Post
I relate in the sense that I am an addict at my core. I see addiction woven through your words. Relationship, drugs, alcohol, eating disorders...What AA did for me was a forklift upgrade on my psyche and change everything about my life. I didn't like AA at first either and fought hard. It saved my life though.

In another thread you were suggesting to someone else to drink non alcoholic drinks that remind you of Gin and Tonics. When I started to break the cycle of addiction, I could not just pop an Antebuse and Valium, I had to change everything about my life. This meant not vegging in front of the TV bc that would remind me of drinking, so I try to read or write during that time. I don't drink non alcoholic drinks that remind me of my DoC. I don't take one drug to substitute for the lack of another - this means no valium, Oxys, pot, coke, acid, shrooms, alcohol, benzos, nothing. To me this is sober.

Perhaps an in patient +60 day program might be a great option with an extended half way house at the end?
I completely agree with you. I was sober for a week taking panadine forte every day until I flushed them down the toilet & said NO! I quit them cold turkey and still stayed sober. yep I ended stuffing up again but the fact I came that far made me realise I don't need anything & that's my big plan ahead, I need to take pain killers right now cause of my crazy head injury and sciatica from my fall but once that's gone no more excuses just the help from you beautiful people! rehab I cant do id loose my job and from having bulimia for so long it was hard to hold down a job & my dogs would die without me there. theres a drug called naltrixane I was going to take where you cant take any medication but that's when I flushed the pills down the toilet and said I beat bulimia I can do this!!! when im happy im great when im sad im shocking inbetween it depends what day it is but being able to talk to all of you and open up makes me feel like I can do this not only for me but for all of you who are cheering me on
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Old 07-20-2014, 09:09 PM
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Originally Posted by kahlia01 View Post
Thankyou so much, your words touch me! any advice on how to love yourself xx
Sobriety is job 1. I have to care enough about myself to literally "mind" me. I can't keep running away via the bottle or a relationship. This process started for me last January (2013) when I was fortunate enough to find myself a counsellor that I truly connected with. I had basically just been dumped by my "male addiction"..the one I just walked away from a month ago. Things started to change with the help of my counsellor...not overnight..but they did. After a few month of counselling..I finally decided it was time to put down the bottle. I spent 4 months in sobriety..working on myself. The male addiction was in and out (mostly out through this process)

Unfortunately...loneliness and isolation eventually got to me. A variety of things let me back to the bottle..and him...but those two biggies were a huge part of it. I decided I could moderate my alcohol (ha ha ha ha)..and I did for awhile until I couldn't anymore. Male addiction had been trying to get back together..I kept shooing him away...until the booze got stronger and I got weaker. I went back to my old ways...and I left counselling without letting her know of my relapses (she now knows).

I cannot let that happen again. I want more from life. I want more from myself. I do not want to relapse again. But it's all process...it's all growing and learning and trying to just keep getting better.

It's going to take work..and effort. I highly recommend counselling my friend (bulimia was also in my previous bag of self loathing).
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Old 07-20-2014, 09:21 PM
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Ive been there too Kahlia, Welcome here, everyone here is so supportive. You can do this! Today is a new day, focus on yourself and your health. I was in a relationship just like that as well. Sadly for me it didnt work out. But as the hard times went by, slowly but surely i was able to pick up the pieces of me and put them back together. Today right now in my tenth day of sobriety, I finding out new things about myself i didnt know. I actually feeling my feelings. I'm becoming who i really am. You can do this!!! One day at a time.
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