Drinking past keeps popping up in unexpected ways
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 596
Drinking past keeps popping up in unexpected ways
Got another reminder today that my past will be very difficult to fully escape. I met this girl recently and we went on a nice date in the past week. She ordered wine with dinner, I told her I didn't drink, when she inquired further, I said it was for health reasons and sort of left it at that. She didn't care in the slightest about my non-drinking and we've continued to talk and have another date scheduled. However, today she texts me that I should add her on Facebook to get to know her better. A simple, innocent request by her (that almost anyone would make in 2014), that after a moment's reflection by me, has set off a bit of a crisis.
Imagine my Facebook account. I've had it for about 8-9 years and it reflects 8-9 years of a party guy/drunk, be it pics, status updates, check-ins, etc. She doesn't know that side of me. It's way too early in our dating for her to know those things about me. But I don't want to lie and tell her I don't have Facebook, or find a reason for us not to be friends on Facebook (she'll probably fairly assume I already have a girlfriend or something else nefarious if I refuse to add her). The only other option would be to delete the account altogether, as there is simply no way I can delete all the damning evidence on it. If she investigates the profile at any length, she will see that something about who I have presented and who I have been does not add up one bit.
Anyway, just another reminder that 42 days of sobriety cannot eradicate an entire drinking career, my past will continue to pop up in expected and unexpected ways probably for a very very long time. I guess I'll just add her and hope for the best. I doubt she wants to spend an hour on my Facebook page looking at things but who knows. I've made my bed... just need to work on staying sober and if she likes me that way, everything will hopefully sort itself out.
Anyone else run into their drinking past unexpectedly in (somewhat) early sobriety?
Imagine my Facebook account. I've had it for about 8-9 years and it reflects 8-9 years of a party guy/drunk, be it pics, status updates, check-ins, etc. She doesn't know that side of me. It's way too early in our dating for her to know those things about me. But I don't want to lie and tell her I don't have Facebook, or find a reason for us not to be friends on Facebook (she'll probably fairly assume I already have a girlfriend or something else nefarious if I refuse to add her). The only other option would be to delete the account altogether, as there is simply no way I can delete all the damning evidence on it. If she investigates the profile at any length, she will see that something about who I have presented and who I have been does not add up one bit.
Anyway, just another reminder that 42 days of sobriety cannot eradicate an entire drinking career, my past will continue to pop up in expected and unexpected ways probably for a very very long time. I guess I'll just add her and hope for the best. I doubt she wants to spend an hour on my Facebook page looking at things but who knows. I've made my bed... just need to work on staying sober and if she likes me that way, everything will hopefully sort itself out.
Anyone else run into their drinking past unexpectedly in (somewhat) early sobriety?
One Day At A Time
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Scotland
Posts: 35
An old friend bumped into my wife and I and they spent a chunk of time recounting amusing (supposedly) drinking escapades we had been on.
I had toned down a lot of my escapades or just never mentioned them to my wife so it made for a painful time for both of us.
It was a clear reminder of how bad I had been and how much I had tried to cover up.
I had toned down a lot of my escapades or just never mentioned them to my wife so it made for a painful time for both of us.
It was a clear reminder of how bad I had been and how much I had tried to cover up.
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Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 596
Originally Posted by DryScotsman 
An old friend bumped into my wife and I and they spent a chunk of time recounting amusing (supposedly) drinking escapades we had been on.
I had toned down a lot of my escapades or just never mentioned them to my wife so it made for a painful time for both of us.
It was a clear reminder of how bad I had been and how much I had tried to cover up.
I had toned down a lot of my escapades or just never mentioned them to my wife so it made for a painful time for both of us.
It was a clear reminder of how bad I had been and how much I had tried to cover up.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Just be honest, I don't deny that I had drank in the past to new people I met, I don't go into all the details of how bad, but I say I drank once upon a time and now I don't.
Those that are keepers as friends will understand!!
Those that are keepers as friends will understand!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 596
Originally Posted by Purpleknight
Just be honest, I don't deny that I had drank in the past to new people I met, I don't go into all the details of how bad, but I say I drank once upon a time and now I don't.
Those that are keepers as friends will understand!!
Those that are keepers as friends will understand!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: South Florida
Posts: 160
I just deleted my Facebook and Instagram accounts last week. Not only do I not want everyone to know about my current situation or life, I don't want new friends to see the old party girl, me. I would be honest, women love that. I'm sure she won't judge you for opening up, and if she doesn't respect it now, she never will. Just a girl's opinion
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Another reason not to use Facebook.
During a recent one-year period, the word 'Facebook' appeared in better than sixty percent of all divorce proceedings in the US. Of course, causality in any particular direction is a simplistic thing, and hence there's nothing wrong and everything right with drawing one's own conclusions.
During a recent one-year period, the word 'Facebook' appeared in better than sixty percent of all divorce proceedings in the US. Of course, causality in any particular direction is a simplistic thing, and hence there's nothing wrong and everything right with drawing one's own conclusions.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 596
Originally Posted by Lucie29
I just deleted my Facebook and Instagram accounts last week. Not only do I not want everyone to know about my current situation or life, I don't want new friends to see the old party girl, me. I would be honest, women love that. I'm sure she won't judge you for opening up, and if she doesn't respect it now, she never will. Just a girl's opinion
I'll just add her and roll with it
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,384
I don't think anyone's best side is put forward on FB.
I'm also not sure anyone (outside of obsessive types like us) would trawl through years of posts...
I'd be inclined not to worry too much
D
I'm also not sure anyone (outside of obsessive types like us) would trawl through years of posts...
I'd be inclined not to worry too much
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: illinois
Posts: 907
one lucky thing in my life: at 44 years old, I am just the right age to be able to get away with not having FB (although most of my generation age joined).
-and I was a computer geek in the 80's!
I have NO USE for it. NONE. -just cant stress that enough. its a self-stroking waste of time. LOL!
Soberhoops, you may be to young to just dump it. im sure there's a social penalty to pay. can you restart with a new user name?
-and I was a computer geek in the 80's!
I have NO USE for it. NONE. -just cant stress that enough. its a self-stroking waste of time. LOL!
Soberhoops, you may be to young to just dump it. im sure there's a social penalty to pay. can you restart with a new user name?
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