I had been doing so good
 

I have been doing so well I thought I finally got a handle on my drinking. I stopped drinking for three months. I quite after a spa retreat in which I did a lot of cleansing my system. After that I just lost my desire to dink. I didn't really think about drinking again until spring break in March. We were on vacation so I said why not? Drank too much, got drunk, felt ashamed....have been drinking occasionally increasing frequency since March but haven't had any bad drunken episodes. But Wednesday night my husband's birthday I got drunk again. So obviously I will never be able to drink responsibly because it sneaks up on me when I let my guard down. I do not get drink often but even once is too much for me. Ughh

I was a binge drinker. So not every time I drank would be a mess. But the times that switch would decide to flip on me after the first glass (and I never had ANY warning of when or where it would) ...it would be total and utter destruction. And every binge got progressively longer and worse. Then they started getting closer.

you had 3 months :) that's great! you can do it again!

I could never drink responsibly, either. One drink and I'm off.
My frequency increased, too. Until I was drinking all day. I didn't have any really bad episodes either, but I was still an alcoholic.
I hope you do manage to quit before things get worse, and with me they did exponentially.
Best to you.

Yes, I think we all have in common that we can't stop drinking once we start and it's so unpredictable. I'm glad you're back and working on your recovery.

I never had a reliable "off button" from the get go. I first went to AA in my 20's because I couldn't figure out why when I did drink, it was so often a ridiculous mess. I may have not met all the "alcoholic" criteria...which in of itself caused all sorts of procrastination and am I or aren't problems.

I wish I had realized how "important" that no reliable off button was. I will never have it..no matter how hard I try. That is something I need to radically accept more than ANYTHING.

I am the same as the rest of you. I can't drink at all. Ever. I have no ability to maintain any control. I just have to tell myself that I don't drink. No more mind games and rationalizations. I don't drink.

Bravegirl, after 42 years of drinking I became the town drunk village idiot. This month made 4 years sober so it can be done, rootin for ya. :egypt:

https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/i...W_vdq8xjyIGkDw

Thanks for the feedback. It helps. I'm gonna start again. Put more things in place to help this time.

Welcome back Bravegirl. Just about each of us has gone back to drinking to see if we could do it, but the result is almost always the same. Glad you have decided to start over.

I noticed that you were a pretty regular poster here during your initial sober streak last fall, but then you quit posting completely. Were you working any other type of program or did you have a sobriety plan outside of SR? Whatever it is you choose to do ( AA, SR, counseling, etc ) it's not just a quick fix and then you are done - it is something you need to continually work on each and every day. Hope we can be of help in finding something that works for you.

It's totally the same way with me too. Although I DID drink often.. I woulda probably drank every day if I could get away with it. Drinking, to me, is like lighting a fuse on a firecracker and hoping it burns out before it explodes.. but really it's been exploding more and more for me these past few years. So I threw all my matches away. haha

I hope the support here can help you stop drinking for good. :)

No I wasn't using any type of support during my sober streak. Which is probably why I'm back. That's the main thing I have to change this time. I have started making plans this time. Things to turn to quickly when I start to feel drawn back to drinking.

There was a time when I couldn't imagine doing anything without drinking. Now I truly desire to have authentic experiences. This desire is usually enough to keep me from drinking. But the nature of the beast will make me rationalize how having a drink every now and then is ok. I'm sick of having that thought.

Go at it again!! You'll get there!! :)

The best thing is you know now what needs to be done.
Once you've given up with that it's a wait until you really see feel the good sobriety brings.
I know it's been said before but when you move from not drinking to sobriety a change in focus happens and life just gets easier.
John.

Bravegirl, you have to get a plan. My experience is that I NEVER could quit on my own! It took the program of Alcoholics Anonymous for me, whatever it takes for you find it and stick with it. The disease just gets stronger waiting for a weak moment. You could always give AA a try. Pulling for you!

It's like reading my own experience on here. In a sad way, it's really kind of amazing how similar the situations are.

Basically: I don't control the alcohol, the alcohol absolutely controls me. And for a while, I could take that gamble and hope that it didn't turn out to be a "bad" night. Soon, those bad nights became so much more frequent, and before I knew it... I was the village drunk. And that really, really hurts.

Well the good news is it sounds like you are early in the stages if you are an alcoholic from what you describe. The bad news is being early still leaves lots of room asking the "am I really" questions. If you have truly resolved the fact that "you cannot drink responsibly" ever again then you are well ahead of many that come on here.

I too wish there was a test we could take to tell you if you have crossed that line. I didn't know when I crossed it but I sailed right by a couple years ago. The spiral down for me happened swift and violently. There are all sorts of stops on the elevator written about in posts here. I just hope you are able to get off well before I or some others did.

I am in AA and practice the 12 steps. But I also explored RR and the AVRT method, some of which I use today. There are other programs such as Lifering, Women for Sobriety, and non secular approaches to the 12 step programs.

I joined a monthly user group on SR and found it to be inspiring. Mainly because it creates accountability and highlights we are not unique and others bonded by just a sober month experience very similar thoughts and things through this process.

If you are alcoholic normal drinking will never return. While this remains the fantasy of every alcoholic many chase this to our death bed.

Your user name suggests your brave or self identify with this - add courage, honesty, and openness and I think you going to be fine.

Good luck.

I am unfortunately not in the early stages of alcoholism. I have been struggling with this for about 17 years. The worst part of that being in my twenties. I barely remember my college years, did more stupid things than I care to remember, embarrassed myself more times than one person should, lost friends, boyfriends, and alot of my self respect. I blacked out several times a week. Over the last 10 years my drinking got better. I had kids and had to be more responsible. It wasn't until a few years ago that I truly began to see the light. That while I had improved tremendously, drinking a bottle or more a night still wasnt good. I constantly worried about getting too drunk and then feeling guilty when I did. People who dont have a drinking problem dont have these thoughts. Ive been on a very slow and long process of realizing the problem, identifying the causes, and figuring out what I want my life to look like now. Now is all we are guaranteed. I've wasted too much precious time already. I am further along in my recovery than ever before but still have a lot of work to do. I don't know why I have been able to be functional and still drink all these years but I guess it's because I was too stubborn to give drinking everything I had. It took a lot but not everything. I refuse to let it. The same with smoking. I never smoked at work and only in front of certain people. Piece by piece I'm recreating my sober life. With each event I reclaim it encourages me to reclaim others. I no longer associate everything with drinking. I couldn't imagine ever going back to my old way of thinking. But I know better than to be arrogant about it. That's when I usually fail again. So I'm making better plans and reaching out for support because I can only get so far on my own. One thing that has truly helped me is becoming a Christ follower. I could never do this alone. Each day I pray for strength.

Well welcome, nice to read your story. Again, I have found great support and value in the monthly threads. Bonds formed by nothing but the month of sobriety and friendships that develop. I have met one of my classmates in person, a great guy. I hope to meet the other too.