Introducing myself
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 93
Introducing myself
Hey all,
Just wanted to say hey, I've been coming on these boards for a long time reading through all of your very helpful posts, but I decided to actually take the plunge and sign up for an account. I've been reading stories of those of you who feel desperate, alone, scared, confused, anxious, bewildered, and unsure which direction to move.
Me too. I've been a heavy drinker for the past 15 years or so, and it's been especially bad for the past 10 or so.. not really sure where it turned from "normal" to "bad". I've been doing a lot of soul searching, to try and figure out why I drink, and I guess it's probably a similar story to many of yours.. I've always felt unsure of myself, anxious in social situations, depressed, and pretty much a lacking of confidence. I generally felt I wasn't good enough to be in the company of others when I wasn't drunk, because I'm not much of a conversationalist (I'm working on that), I feel awkward in group situations (although I feel that I'm okay one on one), and.. I don't know. I have some issues I guess, but don't we all. I come from a good family, have a lot of things going for me, well educated, good job, good shape, relatively smart (or at least this is what I try to convince people haha), etc. But man. Alcohol.
When I discovered alcohol, all of those problems seemed to dissipate, I became the "life of the party" (or so I thought), could easily approach girls, wasn't so inhibited, was much more talkative and I believed I was funner to be around. Things seemed to be funner. I live in a town where drinking is the normal thing to do. I come from a long line of alcoholics, ranging from my parents to my uncles, cousins, aunts, you name it. I grew up with this environment, as I'm sure many of you did. I don't think that's the cause of my issues, but it may be an underlying factor. Drinking was always considered to be harmless and fun, and if someone got too drunk at a family gathering, it was "funny". Those who didn't drink never really fit in, or whatever. Anyway, I picked up drinking in high school, and immediately became what I thought was more popular. But really, I was just selling myself out. I wasn't progressing as a person, I wasn't improving, it's like I was stuck in quicksand. On the one hand, I was improving my immediate situation by using this alcohol to become "funner" and more outgoing, but on the other hand I wasn't learning how to improve what I needed to improve authentically. This worked for a little while, but then that's the nature of alcohol - it works for a little while and then it stops working. Over these past several years it's generally stopped working and has been giving me all sorts of problems.
I am mainly a beer drinker, and I've tried all sorts of things to "moderate", including only drinking on weekends (never works), only drinking light beer (which means instead of 10 beer I will drink 15 beer.. not effective haha), only drinking in public, only drinking at home (haha), and so on and so forth.. never really finding any sort of groove. I am a fun drunk, so in the past when I've told my friends and family about cutting back, or that I may not be drinking in any given night, I always get hassled about it. I guess I've been generally maintaining an acceptable "appearance" of alcoholism.. but I've known for quite some time now that I have a serious, serious problem. The most terrible, devastating things that have happened have usually happened when I was drinking at home, alone, then needing that "human contact" I'd contact some random girl on my phone, probably trying to fill a void. I'd promise the world, talk about my feelings, but the feelings I've had when I was drunk aren't real feelings, and I know that. I end up waking up with a blazing hangover, reading through the text message conversations on my phone, feeling sick to my stomach, probably missing work, etc. I could write a list as long as my arm about all the mistakes I've committed while drinking in the past couple of years alone.
The bottom line is, I need to quit. These past six months I've tried several times, with a bit of success (relatively speaking). I've gone about a month, and a couple of weeks, and a week here and there. It's a big difference, because I would generally drink mostly every night if I felt I could get away with it without it causing too much notice from my friends and family. My social anxiety has been getting worse, as I would much prefer just to go home, lock the door behind me, unload my case of beer safety net into my fridge, get changed out of my work clothes, and completely shut myself off from the rest of the planet. The beer was my safety net. It was a way to compartmentalize my life. It was like I was afraid of being myself when I was alone. I couldn't stand being alone with my thoughts, I suppose. Why the hell is that? Anyways...
So basically, I've been doing a lot better lately. It's been a little bit since I've drank, and I feel generally good. I come to these forums every single day and read the great posts you all share, and that helps me greatly. I find this so much more effective than AA, which I've tried a couple of times in the past. I end up just feeling like a knucklehead in those meetings - I'm an introvert and I'd much rather these forums, as I feel it would accomplish the same thing. Plus, these forums are available 24/7, which is a huge plus.
Anyway, rambling away, but just wanted to say hi and I look forward to continuing to read the things you guys share.
Just wanted to say hey, I've been coming on these boards for a long time reading through all of your very helpful posts, but I decided to actually take the plunge and sign up for an account. I've been reading stories of those of you who feel desperate, alone, scared, confused, anxious, bewildered, and unsure which direction to move.
Me too. I've been a heavy drinker for the past 15 years or so, and it's been especially bad for the past 10 or so.. not really sure where it turned from "normal" to "bad". I've been doing a lot of soul searching, to try and figure out why I drink, and I guess it's probably a similar story to many of yours.. I've always felt unsure of myself, anxious in social situations, depressed, and pretty much a lacking of confidence. I generally felt I wasn't good enough to be in the company of others when I wasn't drunk, because I'm not much of a conversationalist (I'm working on that), I feel awkward in group situations (although I feel that I'm okay one on one), and.. I don't know. I have some issues I guess, but don't we all. I come from a good family, have a lot of things going for me, well educated, good job, good shape, relatively smart (or at least this is what I try to convince people haha), etc. But man. Alcohol.
When I discovered alcohol, all of those problems seemed to dissipate, I became the "life of the party" (or so I thought), could easily approach girls, wasn't so inhibited, was much more talkative and I believed I was funner to be around. Things seemed to be funner. I live in a town where drinking is the normal thing to do. I come from a long line of alcoholics, ranging from my parents to my uncles, cousins, aunts, you name it. I grew up with this environment, as I'm sure many of you did. I don't think that's the cause of my issues, but it may be an underlying factor. Drinking was always considered to be harmless and fun, and if someone got too drunk at a family gathering, it was "funny". Those who didn't drink never really fit in, or whatever. Anyway, I picked up drinking in high school, and immediately became what I thought was more popular. But really, I was just selling myself out. I wasn't progressing as a person, I wasn't improving, it's like I was stuck in quicksand. On the one hand, I was improving my immediate situation by using this alcohol to become "funner" and more outgoing, but on the other hand I wasn't learning how to improve what I needed to improve authentically. This worked for a little while, but then that's the nature of alcohol - it works for a little while and then it stops working. Over these past several years it's generally stopped working and has been giving me all sorts of problems.
I am mainly a beer drinker, and I've tried all sorts of things to "moderate", including only drinking on weekends (never works), only drinking light beer (which means instead of 10 beer I will drink 15 beer.. not effective haha), only drinking in public, only drinking at home (haha), and so on and so forth.. never really finding any sort of groove. I am a fun drunk, so in the past when I've told my friends and family about cutting back, or that I may not be drinking in any given night, I always get hassled about it. I guess I've been generally maintaining an acceptable "appearance" of alcoholism.. but I've known for quite some time now that I have a serious, serious problem. The most terrible, devastating things that have happened have usually happened when I was drinking at home, alone, then needing that "human contact" I'd contact some random girl on my phone, probably trying to fill a void. I'd promise the world, talk about my feelings, but the feelings I've had when I was drunk aren't real feelings, and I know that. I end up waking up with a blazing hangover, reading through the text message conversations on my phone, feeling sick to my stomach, probably missing work, etc. I could write a list as long as my arm about all the mistakes I've committed while drinking in the past couple of years alone.
The bottom line is, I need to quit. These past six months I've tried several times, with a bit of success (relatively speaking). I've gone about a month, and a couple of weeks, and a week here and there. It's a big difference, because I would generally drink mostly every night if I felt I could get away with it without it causing too much notice from my friends and family. My social anxiety has been getting worse, as I would much prefer just to go home, lock the door behind me, unload my case of beer safety net into my fridge, get changed out of my work clothes, and completely shut myself off from the rest of the planet. The beer was my safety net. It was a way to compartmentalize my life. It was like I was afraid of being myself when I was alone. I couldn't stand being alone with my thoughts, I suppose. Why the hell is that? Anyways...
So basically, I've been doing a lot better lately. It's been a little bit since I've drank, and I feel generally good. I come to these forums every single day and read the great posts you all share, and that helps me greatly. I find this so much more effective than AA, which I've tried a couple of times in the past. I end up just feeling like a knucklehead in those meetings - I'm an introvert and I'd much rather these forums, as I feel it would accomplish the same thing. Plus, these forums are available 24/7, which is a huge plus.
Anyway, rambling away, but just wanted to say hi and I look forward to continuing to read the things you guys share.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,001
Welcome. Your story sounds just like mine. Nobody knew the extent of my alcoholism either. Moderation was a failure. AA wasnt for me either. SR community has done wonders for me. I know anytime i need i can loq on and there is always someone listening.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 93
Originally Posted by Tonymblue 
Welcome. Your story sounds just like mine. Nobody knew the extent of my alcoholism either. Moderation was a failure. AA wasnt for me either. SR community has done wonders for me. I know anytime i need i can loq on and there is always someone listening.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi and welcome. There are different ways to get and stay sober. I chose the one that get’s bashed a lot but that was before the internet and forums that can work when they are followed, and not just for a short period of time. That goes for AA as well, it works if we work it.
I needed to get honest with myself about my drinking and accept the fact I cannot drink in safety. Getting sober is that simple, perhaps not easy, that’s where the work starts.
I chuckle when I hear new people say this or that is not for me. Then the realization hits me that most don’t know what they don’t know being within a haze of early recovery which can last for months.
The best advice I got was “KEEP COMING.”
BE WELL
I needed to get honest with myself about my drinking and accept the fact I cannot drink in safety. Getting sober is that simple, perhaps not easy, that’s where the work starts.
I chuckle when I hear new people say this or that is not for me. Then the realization hits me that most don’t know what they don’t know being within a haze of early recovery which can last for months.
The best advice I got was “KEEP COMING.”
BE WELL
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 93
Originally Posted by IOAA2
Hi and welcome. There are different ways to get and stay sober. I chose the one that get’s bashed a lot but that was before the internet and forums that can work when they are followed, and not just for a short period of time. That goes for AA as well, it works if we work it.
I needed to get honest with myself about my drinking and accept the fact I cannot drink in safety. Getting sober is that simple, perhaps not easy, that’s where the work starts.
I chuckle when I hear new people say this or that is not for me. Then the realization hits me that most don’t know what they don’t know being within a haze of early recovery which can last for months.
The best advice I got was “KEEP COMING.”
BE WELL
I needed to get honest with myself about my drinking and accept the fact I cannot drink in safety. Getting sober is that simple, perhaps not easy, that’s where the work starts.
I chuckle when I hear new people say this or that is not for me. Then the realization hits me that most don’t know what they don’t know being within a haze of early recovery which can last for months.
The best advice I got was “KEEP COMING.”
BE WELL
Thanks for the response. The reason I don't believe AA is for me is because I don't feel at ease when I am at a meeting. I'm not an outgoing person, and I live in a small town with a relatively public job so I'm bound to know someone and I just don't feel okay with that. Also, I have done research on AA, believe me, but it's really not for everyone. I do like the smart recovery / rational recovery ideal, I've read a couple of books on it and it seems to make a lot of sense to me. Anyway, I feel I'm doing a lot better using SR. I've had a few slip-ups here and there over the past few months, but I feel like I have a handle on it now and that I'm (hopefully) better prepared to prevent future slip-ups. Thanks for the post
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
I’m for anything that works for anyone. When I was ready there were things I didn’t like about AA such as the old timers saying “ take the cotton out of your ears and put it in your mouth and sit up front and listen.” Now my thinking is the same after all I’ve seen over the years. Along with what I thought was religious orientated with all the spiritual references as I never was nor am today a religious person but do have a higher power which has helped me for+ 30 years stay sober.
Whatever path you choose the results can be unbelievable if sufficient work is put into it and we just don’t drink!
BE WELL
Whatever path you choose the results can be unbelievable if sufficient work is put into it and we just don’t drink!
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 8
Welcome! I'm new here too, but your story sounds a lot like mine! I was a binge drinker, typically only on weekends, though at my worst it was twice a week....I only drank beer and shots, but I always overdid and I always got a terrible hangover....I'm talking "can't get out of bed, throwing up for hours the next day" type of hangovers.... I'm also a fun drunk, but man there were some times were I would get emotional or angry and act just not like myself....
Sober since October
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Welcome to the posting side of SR, HockeyGuy!
Support here is great. I bet you've noticed that while reading.
I am quite an introvert myself, and this forum has been my sobriety saver for 21 months by far.
Keep posting and keep faith.
Sober life is so worth giving it a chance.
Best wishes to you)
Support here is great. I bet you've noticed that while reading.
I am quite an introvert myself, and this forum has been my sobriety saver for 21 months by far.
Keep posting and keep faith.
Sober life is so worth giving it a chance.
Best wishes to you)
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: TN
Posts: 263
Hey man, welcome, great to have you here - and congratulations on your new found sobriety! It's cool you signed up. I read SR for about 3 months before I finally signed up. It really helped then and it still does now. Heck, you already know that, though. Again, welcome!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 93
Originally Posted by poofu02
Welcome! I'm new here too, but your story sounds a lot like mine! I was a binge drinker, typically only on weekends, though at my worst it was twice a week....I only drank beer and shots, but I always overdid and I always got a terrible hangover....I'm talking "can't get out of bed, throwing up for hours the next day" type of hangovers.... I'm also a fun drunk, but man there were some times were I would get emotional or angry and act just not like myself....
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Penn's Woods
Posts: 117
Originally Posted by HockeyGuy
I was improving my immediate situation by using this alcohol to become "funner" and more outgoing, but on the other hand I wasn't learning how to improve what I needed to improve authentically.
The quote above really struck me. I am trying to move forward and avoid regretting decisions that cannot be unmade, but man did I waste a lot of time that could/should have been used for emotional and spiritual development. Time to put our heads down and catch up!
Thanks for your post.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 93
Originally Posted by songthread
Hey man, welcome, great to have you here - and congratulations on your new found sobriety! It's cool you signed up. I read SR for about 3 months before I finally signed up. It really helped then and it still does now. Heck, you already know that, though. Again, welcome!
Left the bottle behind 4/16/2015
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: NC
Posts: 1,416
Hello and welcome. Great post! You're very frank and honest about your drinking and how it has affected your life. The part about alcohol working for a while and then not working anymore really resonates with me. Also the part about how you would sequester yourself in your room with your alcohol and just tune out the whole world, even yourself. I definitely know what that feels like.
There are a lot of different ways to maintain sobriety. AA isn't the only one, but keep an open mind to all of them. I've kinda adopted a hodgepodge of different ideas from several sources. SR is one of them. It is a great resource and there are a lot of people here willing to listen and help you out.
There are a lot of different ways to maintain sobriety. AA isn't the only one, but keep an open mind to all of them. I've kinda adopted a hodgepodge of different ideas from several sources. SR is one of them. It is a great resource and there are a lot of people here willing to listen and help you out.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
Welcome to SR my fellow Canuck 
Your posts really resonated with me. Specially being introverted somewhat and needing the booze to socialize, specially with the ladies.. Yikes!
Locking myself at home alone with my 24 and then sending text messages to people that I barelly remembered the next day, Yikes X10. LOL!
Glad you are posting, take care and see you in the CA woods on your next beaver hunt. LOL!
Your posts really resonated with me. Specially being introverted somewhat and needing the booze to socialize, specially with the ladies.. Yikes!
Locking myself at home alone with my 24 and then sending text messages to people that I barelly remembered the next day, Yikes X10. LOL!
Glad you are posting, take care and see you in the CA woods on your next beaver hunt. LOL!
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Great post Hockeyguy. Welcome. I think finding some feeling of "community" is extremely beneficial in recovery. Some find that in AA, some find that in other recovery groups ..and some find it here. I am sooooo glad you stood up and let us hear your voice! The words in your post resonated with me...and I'm sure many, many, many others. Many of us drank in "isolation"..even with other people.
Connecting authentically with others...wow..it's a beautiful thing.
Really, really glad you're here.
Connecting authentically with others...wow..it's a beautiful thing.
Really, really glad you're here.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 93
Originally Posted by Nuudawn
Great post Hockeyguy. Welcome. I think finding some feeling of "community" is extremely beneficial in recovery. Some find that in AA, some find that in other recovery groups ..and some find it here. I am sooooo glad you stood up and let us hear your voice! The words in your post resonated with me...and I'm sure many, many, many others. Many of us drank in "isolation"..even with other people.
Connecting authentically with others...wow..it's a beautiful thing.
Really, really glad you're here.
Connecting authentically with others...wow..it's a beautiful thing.
Really, really glad you're here.
It's weird, isn't it. I bolded the line above.. it's so true. For as long as I can remember, I drank alone, even when I was with other people. I guess an alcoholic always drinks alone.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
