andyroo72

Yes, that's right. Last night I hung out with a mate of mine and it turned into a bit of a date. We hung out and talked for 4 hours and vaguely made goo-goo eyes at each other. When he left, I gave him a hug and licked his neck. That was ok.

I'm not sure how long it's been since I've done anything vaguely approaching sexual without being drunk/high/both/all of the above. Last night, I just felt so incredibly young. I got really nervous and unsure of myself. Given that my previous strategy in my sex life was getting drunk and falling on top of someone, this complete restraint is a bit weird. Not bad, just strange.

I know there's probably a bunch of a rules about intimacy and abstention, but I'm not really into rules unless I make them myself. I'm the kind of person who doesn't feel good about not putting (most of!) the internal stuff out there. I'm a bit wary, sure but I do feel really good about this guy. He's just really solid. Plus he's a brick layer :=]

I need to take this really slowly and tread very carefully, I reckon. It's a whole new kind of growing up I think, one where I'm actually present. That's good. I just wish I didn't feel 16 years old!

Any thoughts would be most appreciated :=]

Dee74

Hi andyroo
I know it can all get a bit giddy but yeah - go slow.

I'd drunk for so long, I had no idea who sober me was or what that sober person wanted when I quit.

I changed almost daily in my first three months.

When you add to that the stresses and strains of a new relationship (or even just a casual hook up) it makes sense to cool your heels - or at least it makes sense to me

D

andyroo72

Thank you Dee- you were so quick AND wise :=]

I do need to take it really slowly. There's a sort of fastness with me that's a big part of my addiction. I want to do everything fast, get to the end, win the prize, consume more than anyone else- it's kind of pathetic when I spell it out. It's totally characteristic of my drinking strategy and probably personal relationships too.

I really try to focus on the little steps. I guess I need to focus on not just doing them, but living them. Fast bad, slow good :=] Thanks.

Dee74

You wouldn't be the first to have a 'broken off switch' in a few different ways, Andy

D

Croissant

Hi andy...yep, that's something I noticed early on. We get so used to a quick fix with alcohol, we get used to wanting everything immediately - when we want it. No patience whatsoever.

andyroo72

Thanks Croissant- too bloody true. And it is totally tied up with alcoholism for me- I (me, me, me) want it now and all of it! I'm beginning to think it's a mindset that extends way beyond drinking. Patience and humility are things I really need to work on.

Ghostlight1

That sounds like a great date to me. When I quit the only thing that changed was everything.
Sober date or sex? I didn't know how to do it! Now, it's so cool. Little bit hard to find a sober partner, but that's alright. I'm the opposite of you, I take things slow.
Totally opposite of my manic drinking days.
Best to you and enjoy your sober self : )