cusper

So my husband gets drunk again. Yes, i know i know everyone has been telling me not to make any rash moves before you reach a year of sobriety but I am officially fed up. I've talked to him about it a couple of times. I thought we had a decent conversation about it 2 weeks ago and in front of me he poured an entire bottle of Bourbon out as a gesture that he wasn't doing this again. Two days later he bought more... however he has controlled it until tonight. He is just trashed and being a jerk.
I grew up with my parents doing the same thing. I used to beg them to stop. To this day they still drink. I am not putting up with this. I don't even want to be around him anymore. When he is sober he is miserable and when he is drunk he is miserable. In general I just feel uncomfortable around him. I am working so hard to be better all of the time and he is just going in the opposite direction, it's brutal.

MythOfSisyphus

Sorry for what you're going through, cusper. I guess I don't have much useful to offer except to say I feel you. The dynamic of a relationship is blown up when two addicts are married and one decides to get sober. How much of your life together was based on being plastered and you just didn't realize it?

Hang in there, and do right by yourself first. Protect your own sobriety. Don't let him drag you down with him.

LadyinBC

I think it is important to know when not to make any rash moves. If something is going to or is interfering in your recovery, sometimes we have to make a choice and a decision.

No person, place or situation will ever be more important than my sobriety. I adopted this motto when I got sober and it has really helped me make decisions. It helped me put some stuff into perspective for me and forced me to make decisions that were good for me.

Sometimes change is good.

cusper

Thank you for writing to me. Yeah most of our relationship was around drinking. Actually we ran off to Vegas six years ago to get married after only a few months if knowing one another. We do have a lot in common and he is a wonderful guy but I feel like I am
Walking on eggshells when he drinks. Also because we have a young son I am stuck in the house most of the time so I have nowhere to go when he gets drunk. I am just finding it really difficult to relate to him right now. I am going to a friends this weekend to get some space. Marriage is difficult. I knew it wasn't going to be easy with us when I quit drinking because he and I were drinking buddies but I knew that I was killing myself. Plus he really just doesn't seem all too happy sober. He's great for the first few drinks and then you know the drill, it goes downhill from there. I personally think if I had a life outside this house things would be much better. I am committed to my sobriety over everything else. I am just sick of living in reaction mode. This is why I am trying to take back my life. Hopefully I have many many more years to live and be happy. It's difficult with a partner that seems intrinsically unhappy and unenthusiastic about doing things other than sitting around and drinking.

Hawkeye13

Being in an alcoholic home is harmful to kids.
This is another factor to consider.

Please read up on this if you haven't had a chance yet.

Friends and Family section of the forum has several stickys about this.

Also, you will find support there dealing with an alcoholic spouse.

Congrats on your sobriety and choice for a better life for you and your son

Anna

You are doing the right thing for yourself and your son by staying sober. It sounds as if the relationship problem is going to be a big issue to deal with and I'm sorry that you're going through this.

cusper

Yes Hawkeye, I grew up in an alcoholic home and I hated it when my parents drank. My mom was a teacher so I would try to get away all summer because she was loaded the whole time. I knew I would quit when I had a child because there is no way he would ever ask me to stop drinking the way I would beg my parents to stop. My son never sees my husband drunk because he is in bed and is only 2 1/2. We don't argue in front of him either. I am going to check out the friends and family section for sure. I just want to have a full life without addictions. I want to be a good example for my son.

silentrun

Hi Cusper. Glad you survived the PAWS you were having. Right about 9 months I got fed up with everything I had been putting up with. Most of it was my own doing though. Getting away from the situation whenever you can sounds like the best idea right now. I am amazed by people who stay sober with drinking spouses. If mine was a drinker I doubt I would still be sober.

cusper

Thank you Silent. I still suffer from PAWS but less than before...or maybe I am used to it. Actually I am not sure anymore. I left last night to go to a friends house and came back to have a long discussion with him. He, I think got the picture but we shall see. I am quite serious. I think that most of our ailments are of our own doing, why I got sober to begin with. I just told him that it's impossible to continue if he is getting drunk, so if he is interested in having something authentic he needs to sober up. I am not holding my breath... I have been through this before.

Nuudawn

I do believe this suggestion comes from AA text. Now hopefully, someone with far more AA knowledge than I can correct me if I'm wrong...

But I believe that idea also some sort of loophole regarding "harm"...isn't there some attachment to the sentence "no changes unless it would be harmful NOT to do so...".

Alcoholism is harmful to ourselves...and those around us.

Dee74

Hi Cusper it's not a rule, it's not from AA and it's a suggestion - usually with a lot of merit.

We change a lot in our early recovery - the suggestion is there to stop folks burning bridges.

The whole point of the 'rule' is to avoid unnecessary stress and upheaval....but, as we all know, sometimes those things are unavoidable, or even required.

If you're in a situation that's untenable or dangerous or scares you, common sense should always lead, I think.

D