Returning loser
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 39
Returning loser
I failed! Made it 14 days in March and got right back on that wino train for no good reason. I am starting to feel some physical effects. Constant stomach aching, right side pain. Scared to go to the doctor. I have never wanted anything more than to lose this albatross, but it keeps calling me back. I deserve better! I know that. But I can't get beyond this crap! Rehab is NO option. I have kids who I have to be here for. AA is not appealing. I don't like groups. Any suggestions?
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
My suggestion would be to be a little more open to trying sobriety plans/programs/methods. You say you really want to quit, but then it the same paragraph list multiple things you cannot or will not do to get there. Getting sober is hard work, and you'll have to do things you don't want too matter what path you choose.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,001
Youve got us. It has really helped me. Posting and reading. Total anonimity is perfect for myself, since i am an introverted person. Ive had those pains. God they scare me. Nausea 24/7. Day 13 now. You can do it.
Crazy Cat Lady
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,661
AA isn't appealing for most people at first. I mean, who wants to give up an hour of their day to sit around a circle with other drunks right? I resented my meetings for a while an so i found myself in a cycle of relapse and return. It's not that sobriety and AA weren't working. It was that i wasn't working for sobriety and AA. When i turned it over and cultivated a willingness to do whatever it took to get and stay sober, AA went from a dreaded chore to a gateway to a lifestyle i love.
When i said i couldn't do something, i couldn't do it. When i said i could do something, i found a willingness to not just attempt the thing but actually do it. I don't try to not drink anymore. I just don't drink. I don't try to go to meetings, i just go. I don't try to read the Big Book and call my sponsor, i just read the book and call her. Negative thinking, even when it's just your words, makes you open to failure. Decide what you can do and are willing to do for sobriety and do it. If it doesn't work, ask someone who has a sobriety that you want, ask them how they got there and be willing to follow their suggestions. Positive thinking doesn't set you on the path to sobriety any more than negative thinking gets you drunk. Still, affirming what you can and will do opens up avenues that were previously closed to you because you believed in failure rather than hope.
I had to give up obtaining sobriety on my terms. My terms have landed me drunk and confused every time. I had to accept that i did not know what to do or how to do it. I had to trust other people's wisdom. I had to give up my self will regarding sobriety and allow other people to help me. I had to become open and willing. If it worked for me, perhaps it could work for you as well.
When i said i couldn't do something, i couldn't do it. When i said i could do something, i found a willingness to not just attempt the thing but actually do it. I don't try to not drink anymore. I just don't drink. I don't try to go to meetings, i just go. I don't try to read the Big Book and call my sponsor, i just read the book and call her. Negative thinking, even when it's just your words, makes you open to failure. Decide what you can do and are willing to do for sobriety and do it. If it doesn't work, ask someone who has a sobriety that you want, ask them how they got there and be willing to follow their suggestions. Positive thinking doesn't set you on the path to sobriety any more than negative thinking gets you drunk. Still, affirming what you can and will do opens up avenues that were previously closed to you because you believed in failure rather than hope.
I had to give up obtaining sobriety on my terms. My terms have landed me drunk and confused every time. I had to accept that i did not know what to do or how to do it. I had to trust other people's wisdom. I had to give up my self will regarding sobriety and allow other people to help me. I had to become open and willing. If it worked for me, perhaps it could work for you as well.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
I woke up one morning in early June of last year knowing I needed to quit drinking. I sat down a wrote out a list of what I could do instead of drinking ..posting here on SR was near the top of my list. I reactivated an old membership here I didn't even think still existed (surprise, surprise..there it was attached to my old email..with all my old posts and threads (yay (not)...I have written evidence of this battle dating back to freaking 2006). Anyways, go to an AA meeting was on that list (even if it was to go once and just listen!).
So ya I put 4 months together last year by finding a wonderful community right here. But for a variety of reasons (isolating and loneliness) being one...I ended up back with the bottle. Took me months to get back here.
Turns out I had to checkout the thing I was reluctant to last time. So I'm touring around checking out AA meetings. Seeing what's up with that. Will I stay? I dunno...BUT at least I can make an informed decision either way.
It's best to keep an open mind in sobriety. Manning sobriety 24/7 is no walk in the park. Support..wherever, however you may find it makes for warmer travel.
So ya I put 4 months together last year by finding a wonderful community right here. But for a variety of reasons (isolating and loneliness) being one...I ended up back with the bottle. Took me months to get back here.
Turns out I had to checkout the thing I was reluctant to last time. So I'm touring around checking out AA meetings. Seeing what's up with that. Will I stay? I dunno...BUT at least I can make an informed decision either way.
It's best to keep an open mind in sobriety. Manning sobriety 24/7 is no walk in the park. Support..wherever, however you may find it makes for warmer travel.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Johannesburg
Posts: 1
AA works!!! Please read this, I guarantee it is absolutely true. I KNOW you want this, we all do, alcoholics or not.
The Promises
If we are painstaking about this phase of our
development, we will be amazed before we are half
way through. We are going to know a new freedom
and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor
wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the
word serenity and we will know peace. No matter
how far down the scale we have gone, we will see
how our experience can benefit others. That feeling
of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will
lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our
fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude
and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people
and of eco nomic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively
know how to handle situations which used to
baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing
for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not.
They are being fulfilled among us--sometimes quickly,
sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we
work for them.
(Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book Page 83: INTO ACTION)
The Promises
If we are painstaking about this phase of our
development, we will be amazed before we are half
way through. We are going to know a new freedom
and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor
wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the
word serenity and we will know peace. No matter
how far down the scale we have gone, we will see
how our experience can benefit others. That feeling
of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will
lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our
fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude
and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people
and of eco nomic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively
know how to handle situations which used to
baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing
for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not.
They are being fulfilled among us--sometimes quickly,
sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we
work for them.
(Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book Page 83: INTO ACTION)
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Wellington, NZ
Posts: 250
Hi there,
You are not a loser! You're trying your best- that's all you can do. Maybe it's not going exactly the way you want it to right now, but you will get there. Keep on trying. That's not even .02 worth, but there ya go :=] Take care.
You are not a loser! You're trying your best- that's all you can do. Maybe it's not going exactly the way you want it to right now, but you will get there. Keep on trying. That's not even .02 worth, but there ya go :=] Take care.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: CA
Posts: 176
Hi MrsSensitive, AA wasn't appealing to me either (I tried), but it does work for some people so it might be a good place to start? Maybe try a few meetings and see how you feel. If you still don't like it though, there are other methods of getting sober. My suggestion is to stick around, read posts, and post posts. There's a lot of collective wisdom here from people who know what it's like to struggle with alcohol.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: in the city by the bay
Posts: 605
First off, the wino train will never get you to your destination, you will continue to be like a hamster on a Habitrail.
I can tell you what I did. First, I told my husband I had to quit. Then I told him to get all booze out of the house. Then I signed up here. I have an old membership but that email was shut down a couple years ago. I tried to go sober 2 years ago but lasted 4 days before I decided I didn't really have a problem, I could moderate.
Anyhow, then I told my husband to get lots of veggies. I juiced veggies and drank veggie juice, well, I am still doing it so I haven't stopped. In fact, today I bought veggies at the farmer's market, they were actually cheaper than in the grocery store and all organic.
I bought 3 apps. One is a hypnosis app for alcoholics which seems to be changing my thought patterns, I mean I fall asleep before it finishes so who knows. Then I got an AA app and an app with a motivational quote once a day for alcoholics.
I planned on going to an AA meeting but couldn't with the kid's schedules this week but maybe next week.
Then I come on here when I wake up, before I go to sleep and during the day at times I used to drink because I'm still getting used to not rewarding myself with a drink all the time.
When I see a cop, I visualize myself being arrested for a DUI, I never have, but I imagine it. Because it could have easily happened to me. Somehow I was spared, no DUI's, no accidents. That sounds a bit dramatic, the visualization, but I seriously could have gotten a DUI last week and I had 3 kids in the car. I don't plan on harboring on that forever, just now.
I've got 3 kids, I totally want to be around for them and I also want to be present in their lives. Not sitting in a chair getting hammered, annoyed when they want attention.
Tonight I organized Barbies and Barbie clothes for my daughter. I printed out labels in colorful and large letters and labeled storage bins in the toy organizer I bought a month ago (and then never set up). She was thrilled. She's 4, she always needed help from me but I was too busy getting sloshed. The drunk mom wouldn't have bothered.
I can tell you what I did. First, I told my husband I had to quit. Then I told him to get all booze out of the house. Then I signed up here. I have an old membership but that email was shut down a couple years ago. I tried to go sober 2 years ago but lasted 4 days before I decided I didn't really have a problem, I could moderate.
Anyhow, then I told my husband to get lots of veggies. I juiced veggies and drank veggie juice, well, I am still doing it so I haven't stopped. In fact, today I bought veggies at the farmer's market, they were actually cheaper than in the grocery store and all organic.
I bought 3 apps. One is a hypnosis app for alcoholics which seems to be changing my thought patterns, I mean I fall asleep before it finishes so who knows. Then I got an AA app and an app with a motivational quote once a day for alcoholics.
I planned on going to an AA meeting but couldn't with the kid's schedules this week but maybe next week.
Then I come on here when I wake up, before I go to sleep and during the day at times I used to drink because I'm still getting used to not rewarding myself with a drink all the time.
When I see a cop, I visualize myself being arrested for a DUI, I never have, but I imagine it. Because it could have easily happened to me. Somehow I was spared, no DUI's, no accidents. That sounds a bit dramatic, the visualization, but I seriously could have gotten a DUI last week and I had 3 kids in the car. I don't plan on harboring on that forever, just now.
I've got 3 kids, I totally want to be around for them and I also want to be present in their lives. Not sitting in a chair getting hammered, annoyed when they want attention.
Tonight I organized Barbies and Barbie clothes for my daughter. I printed out labels in colorful and large letters and labeled storage bins in the toy organizer I bought a month ago (and then never set up). She was thrilled. She's 4, she always needed help from me but I was too busy getting sloshed. The drunk mom wouldn't have bothered.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: London
Posts: 1,384
Have a read of the Jason vale book , helps you change your mindset .
Apart from that , you gotta grind the early weeks out ,stare at a wall all day if you have to , your giving up alcohell that's all .
You have to get time sober under your belt to give your self a chance. Do not waste no more of your time with this time stealing drug ,stop now right this second and move toward .
Good things await.
Apart from that , you gotta grind the early weeks out ,stare at a wall all day if you have to , your giving up alcohell that's all .
You have to get time sober under your belt to give your self a chance. Do not waste no more of your time with this time stealing drug ,stop now right this second and move toward .
Good things await.
Keeping it simple!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 3,282
First off you are not a loser, so stop calling yourself that.
Going to your doctor and discussing this with them would be a great idea. Also have you thought about a drug and alcohol counsellor? I did that and I am so glad I did as they can point you in other directions.
I know for me I had to decide what I was willing to do to stay sober. And sometimes that meant keeping an open mind and going outside my comfort zone and doing things I didn't really want to do. By the end I was willing to basically do anything to stay sober.
You do deserve better and so do your kids.
Going to your doctor and discussing this with them would be a great idea. Also have you thought about a drug and alcohol counsellor? I did that and I am so glad I did as they can point you in other directions.
I know for me I had to decide what I was willing to do to stay sober. And sometimes that meant keeping an open mind and going outside my comfort zone and doing things I didn't really want to do. By the end I was willing to basically do anything to stay sober.
You do deserve better and so do your kids.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Florida
Posts: 554
I 100%understand your attitutude. I'm in the same boat, small kids, family, etc.. I had to go it alone also, but I wanted to, since I was a closet case. Hard to admit it, but when I admitted it to myself, it became easier. THIS IS what I do. IF I feel like a drink, I research how bad booze is on body..THEN I think of the times I was a terrible parent, and how my children are thriving under their new mom, who cooks every meal with good food, who rarely orders pizza anymore.. who falls asleep before them. I too was afraid of the doctor, SO I simply got sober and after a few days, you start to feel better. Amazingly, 3 days in, your energy returns. TRY TO remember how good it feels when you made it the 2 weeks. I don't even look the same..I look so much better, no bloating..Hair shiny. Also, come on here and look for the reasons you hate drinking.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Sometimes we just need a simple plan to get from morning until bedtime, by plan I mean activities, or not doing the things we used to do eg driving past the liquor store, leaving our bank cards at home etc, extreme steps that disrupt the normal pattern of our lives, the pattern that fuelled our addicton.
You gotta figure out what works for you, the method isn't the primary focus, the goal of not drinking today until bedtime is the aim!!
You gotta figure out what works for you, the method isn't the primary focus, the goal of not drinking today until bedtime is the aim!!
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: liverpool, england
Posts: 1,708
i didnt want to go to aa either for many many years i didnt want aa at all
until i crawled in with nothing left
i only wish i had gone to aa all those years earlier but the thing that kept me away from aa was that they practiced total abstinence from booze.
all i wanted was to drink but not have all the bad things that go with drink happen to me i was looking for a magic of some sort that would let me drink normaly like others could but not me
like i said i only wish i would of gone to aa sooner but i didnt like it so i carried on drinking for many more years and i was lucky to get in there in end i was only 1 step away from being homeless and out on the streets and as we all know most who end up down there die
so my advice would be give aa a try ask yourself do you really want to give up the drink or do you want to carry on drinking but somehow cut out all the bad things that happen when drinking ?
there are many other options around today like rehabs and i notice you say you have kids but if you carry on drinking then one day the kids will be taken away from you just like they took my kids away from me as i became unfit to look after my kids because i was a drunk
of course you may not be as bad as me you might think just like i would of thought when i was not as bad as i ended up
i wasnt that bad and if i was i would do something about it lol but its not like that at all
the more we drink over time the more we come to depend on it the more we need it just to function it just progresses to the point were we are drunk 24 / 7
thats what happend to me over many many years of drinking
from a weekend bender drinker to a full blown 24 / 7 drunk
hence i only wish i would of got the help sooner so i could of avoided so many pitfalls and pains for my kids and myself
good luck to you
until i crawled in with nothing left
i only wish i had gone to aa all those years earlier but the thing that kept me away from aa was that they practiced total abstinence from booze.
all i wanted was to drink but not have all the bad things that go with drink happen to me i was looking for a magic of some sort that would let me drink normaly like others could but not me
like i said i only wish i would of gone to aa sooner but i didnt like it so i carried on drinking for many more years and i was lucky to get in there in end i was only 1 step away from being homeless and out on the streets and as we all know most who end up down there die
so my advice would be give aa a try ask yourself do you really want to give up the drink or do you want to carry on drinking but somehow cut out all the bad things that happen when drinking ?
there are many other options around today like rehabs and i notice you say you have kids but if you carry on drinking then one day the kids will be taken away from you just like they took my kids away from me as i became unfit to look after my kids because i was a drunk
of course you may not be as bad as me you might think just like i would of thought when i was not as bad as i ended up
i wasnt that bad and if i was i would do something about it lol but its not like that at all
the more we drink over time the more we come to depend on it the more we need it just to function it just progresses to the point were we are drunk 24 / 7
thats what happend to me over many many years of drinking
from a weekend bender drinker to a full blown 24 / 7 drunk
hence i only wish i would of got the help sooner so i could of avoided so many pitfalls and pains for my kids and myself
good luck to you
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
I use to feel like a failure too when I tried
so many times to put the plug in the jug
so to speak and just couldn't do it. By
myself that is.
It took a family intervention to get me
into recovery to address my illness. I,
like so many learned that my addiction
to alcohol was and is an illness.
I learned that I needed a recovery program
to live by and incorporate in my everyday
life to become healthy, happy and honest
in all areas of my life.
I took my daily dose of recovery medicine
everyday for my addiction illness learning
to not pick up a drink when dealing with
life on lifes terms.
Then if I needed physical, mental or emotional
attention, then a trip to my doctor to address
those issues.
Listen....Learn....Absorb....Apply
I believe we are sick folks wanting to
get well. Not failures at all.
so many times to put the plug in the jug
so to speak and just couldn't do it. By
myself that is.
It took a family intervention to get me
into recovery to address my illness. I,
like so many learned that my addiction
to alcohol was and is an illness.
I learned that I needed a recovery program
to live by and incorporate in my everyday
life to become healthy, happy and honest
in all areas of my life.
I took my daily dose of recovery medicine
everyday for my addiction illness learning
to not pick up a drink when dealing with
life on lifes terms.
Then if I needed physical, mental or emotional
attention, then a trip to my doctor to address
those issues.
Listen....Learn....Absorb....Apply
I believe we are sick folks wanting to
get well. Not failures at all.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
In the secular section of SR there are several threads on AVRT. You can also google Rational Recovery and see if something about the method speaks to you. It's a method for quitting alcohol. Period. It is not a design for living and it is secular, but that doesn't mean you can strive for a better live, self improvement, and have faith and or religion if you choose.
It just means end the addiction first, address the life stuff after that... when and if you want to.
It just means end the addiction first, address the life stuff after that... when and if you want to.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,449
stop the negative self talk. man are we ever good at that. you are NOT a loser.
so just shhhhhhhhhhhh with that nonsense.
There's a crapload of different ways to get and stay sober. And this site is a major resource if you use it. I'm at day 68 today and have been mainly using this site as my anchor. I have attended a few AA meetings and have also been reading up on AVRT and a few other programs. I think ScottWi said it best - sobriety is hard work, no matter which road you choose. It isn't going to just magically fall on your lap (boo) but it will be so worth it.
so just shhhhhhhhhhhh with that nonsense.
There's a crapload of different ways to get and stay sober. And this site is a major resource if you use it. I'm at day 68 today and have been mainly using this site as my anchor. I have attended a few AA meetings and have also been reading up on AVRT and a few other programs. I think ScottWi said it best - sobriety is hard work, no matter which road you choose. It isn't going to just magically fall on your lap (boo) but it will be so worth it.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,450
I second jupiters. A lot of us have a negative internal dialogue that feeds our craving or addictive voice. I work on changing my negative internal voice to positive. By the way, anyone seeking help is not a loser. Inherently you are trying to better yourself which is a non-loser behavior.
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