Jupiters

It's such a tough habit to break eh? I know I try my best to be super diligent with catching myself in those moments...like "HEY! zip it...STOP telling yourself that crap!!!"....it's amazing how many times a day I am internally beating myself up. Trying to "flip the switch" on that is quite a task I must say.

Nuudawn

I think it was only in my sobriety last year that I actually became cause of that negative internal radio station blasting everyday, all day. In radio speak, my negativity was in "high rotation". It was almost like I had to add ANOTHER voice...a compassionate one that talked back to that "internal meanie". That was powerful. Standing up to that voice with compassion or a stern "hey, hey..that's uncalled for" was good stuff.

So ya..drop "loser" from your vocabulary (for yourself or anyone really). You, we..are all just a little broken. Start manning your head with some kindness. Install a new chairperson (your ideal, compassionate, loving you).

biminiblue

The first week is really difficult. The second week is less difficult.

By a month into sobriety I felt *almost* normal.

It keeps getting better.

The beginning is tough. I just kept saying, "I can make it through this day without a drink. I'm going to bed sober tonight." ...and I did. Not saying it was easy, but if it had been easy I might have been tempted to drink in these last few months. I don't ever want to forget just how tough it really was.

Get started - the sooner you start, the sooner you will have the life you were meant to live.

soberlicious

Its true. When I decided to make a conscious effort to stop the negative self talk, I was surprised to find how frequently I did this without even realizing it. It was like a default mode of this constant loop of crap running in the background. Successful people in life don't do this. They know that it holds them back from reaching goals.

purechaos

So in my experience with my addiction and my children... I got to the point where everytime I wanted to use I pictured putting my Drug of Choice into my toddlers hands... Would that be ok? Definatly not... would I wish the pain and suffering on them... not a chance in the world... would I go through any and all amounts of pain and suffering to keep them healthy and happy... in a heartbeat... So I pushed through... Yes you may not be handing your kids a bottle everytime you make a drink but think about the long term (or possibly short term) consequences... What if you die? What will your children do then? Everyone has the willpower to quit... they just need to find it. You can do this.. Just find your reasons and make a plan.

biminiblue

Yeah, it AA they call that, "The committee in my head," (the negative talk we do.)

Now my thoughts most often turn to nature, my animals, prayer, gratitude. Gratitude helps me more than just about any other positive thinking.

I can go into the poor me routine pretty easily since I'm single and all of my family has died. Then I look around at how beautiful the world is, how much love I get from my animals, and how blessed I am - and it goes away.

Jupiters

I often think, would I be somewhere else in life if I had spent even HALF that time with positive, caring, empathetic and compassionate thoughts? who knows!
I didn't grow up with parents or family telling me this crap about myself, so I'm curious as to when/where/how/why I started this dialogue??? When did I get SO down on me? bizarre.
Or that things are never "good" enough. I could have "done better" instead of just giving myself a good ole fashioned pat on the back and "good job!"
work in progress, that's for damned sure!!

soberlicious

I do know many of the reasons why I came to be so self deprecating, but when I realized it was keeping me down I had to do something about it. It still happens seemingly automatically sometimes, but not nearly as frequently. When I started reading about Buddhism many years ago, I began to explore just observing these thoughts as "outside of me" passing by, not "as me", not identifying so strongly with them but just letting them go. I hadn't realized how tightly I had gripped to these thoughts and how that caused them to become part of my identity. I even think part of me wanted to hang on to the "I'm so broken, worthless, blahblah" because it was familiar and comfortable. Without it, who was I?

Now I try see myself realistically, to find balance between acknowledging my strength and my accomplishments and also acknowledging my weaknesses and failures. Neither are better than the other. I need both to learn and to move forward. Clinging too tightly to either will cause suffering.

Sometimes the pendulum swings the other way too. Check out my username lol

Jupiters

very well put soberlicious, as always