bassmasterzac

Alright, I've drank pretty heavy for 3 1/2 years. My friends know me as the drinker. I absolutely loved drinking. That is why I drank. I didn't self medicate. I didn't drown my sorrows. I didn't try to block things out. I didn't drink to relieve stress. I drank because I drank.

I was never addicted to alcohol, so I wouldn't consider myself an alcoholic. I did drink enough to develop a tolerance, but I never craved it.

About 2 1/2 - 3 months ago, I came to Florida. Now I live with my grandparents and in that past time I've had a few beers on maybe 3 scattered occasions.

I haven't been craving drinking, really, whatsoever, and I don't know if this is due to alcohol or not, but my life is in the ******* right now. Not sure if I'm depressed, but I just feel low. I can't enjoy anything, my libido is shot, I feel hopeless, I feel stressed, I have no motivation.

I used to be happy, confident, sociable, spontaneous, active... now I'm all the opposites. Literally.

I've also got serious anxiety. I've always had a good bit of anxiety maybe because of my ADHD? This **** is bad. I've had two panic attacks, constantly out of breath and feeling lightheaded, can't sit still, social anxiety, etc, etc.

Maybe its due to my state, but I just don't feel like myself anymore. I've turned into somewhat of an ******* and I don't enjoy anything. I don't even want to go outside and I used to practically live outside.

I saw someone on this forum say, " It takes many months to detox. And the shift from daily drinking to sobriety was scary ... I didn't feel comfortable in my new skin for months. I didn't know who I was. But it stabilizes the longer you stay sober, you feel more grounded and the emotions level out."

So, I thought, "hell," maybe that is me. Maybe alcohol really is the oppressor here. And that's the real downer here. I almost feel like I've lost my identity. Maybe its a temporary case of derealization from anxiety, who knows?

It'd really help if I found out the root of the problem and if this is going to change me.

If that quote is true, how long does it take to regulate? And what happens if I start drinking again while my body is trying to regulate itself?

MythOfSisyphus

Welcome, bassmasterzac. Tough situation. For me I was a wreck the first few days, maybe the first week. After a few weeks I felt a lot better but crap would hit me in waves. My temper got really short for several months. At six months I felt I was "normal" but looking back I felt a lot more normal at one year!

It's different for everyone, I suppose. But things really improved dramatically in my life after a month or two.

bassmasterzac

Thanks! See, the thing is... having no cravings, I don't even know if I'm having withdrawls at all. It does seem reasonable that my anxiety might be increased after drinking. Maybe I even have dysphoria. I never experienced any waves and my irritability came from anxiety. (I know what drug irritability feels like) Have you experienced a disconnection with yourself before?

FreeOwl

I wonder - if you never really felt alcohol was a problem for you - why you came to a recovery forum in the first place?

Many of the things you're describing are familiar. In my own experience and the stories of others.

Stick around a while... see what you learn... see what resonates for you.

Welcome.

IOAA2

Hi. Only you can determine if you’re an alcoholic. I personally would consult a doctor, being honest about your background and proceed with recommendations. We are not medical advise givers.

BE WELL

Aellyce

Hi bassmasterzac, welcome to SR!

I am not sure it would help or change much if you "found out the root of the problem", if it only goes as far as knowledge. I've figured out a sh1t load of things about myself, often tracing it back and deep down as far as possible, really. All these introspective investigations rarely help if I don't act to start changing the problem or changing components of my life that are linked to it. Quitting drinking is a hugely important step, but to me, only the first step.

It's not detoxing that usually takes months, but remodeling our lifestyle and finding out who we are sober, what makes us happy or miserable, all that. I would not recommend dwelling on your past now, only as much as is really necessary for making meaningful changes in your life NOW. Have you tried / introduced new activities and new routines in your sober life? I definitely think that's what helps. Do you exercise? Best remedy for anxiety.

My suggestion is that you actively start building your new life. Don't just wait for the "detox" to happen. Not much will passively happen without your serious involvement.

Also, why are you thinking of "what happens if I start drinking again while my body is trying to regulate itself"? Do you want to be sober or not?

All the best on your journey and remember: you need to make it happen

bassmasterzac

Appreciate the warm welcome and the support guys!

Freeowl: I came across it trying to find the link between alcohol and anxiety (specifically the chemicals in your brain) and I found a post that caught my eye. Then I assumed that the people on here might share similar experiences, so here I am .


IOAA: I truly, truly do not think I'm an alcoholic or ever was. I don't even get hangovers after funneling 4 Lokos. Not saying that is full justification, but hangovers are withdrawls, no? I feel great when I wake up. Sometimes a little tired, foggy (usually when I wake up too early because of alcohol). I would admit to having a drinking problem, but most of my drinking was social and the rest was out of boredom.

I do have an addictive personality, but I would never consider that I had a dependency on alcohol. In fact, it never really affected my life negatively. The closest thing I would be to is a high-functioning alcoholic, but even then, no dependency. Many times I went from drinking all the time to maybe a 3 beer weekend for my workout regiment. Never had irritability, withdrawls, cravings even when my friends drank in front of me.


Haennie: It's been about 3 months and almost that entire time I've been in this state. I do excercise and I'm starting to take L-Tryptophan, but its hard to do activitie I love when I can't enjoy them or I feel this mental block from going anywhere. Anyways, the problem isn't finding myself, in fact, it almost feels like the opposite of that is happening. I just don't feel like myself at all!

It took me a long time to get to the point of happiness I had going on. Then I got fired, lost my place to live, got stressed out by everyone around me, so I went to FL for a vacation which turned out to be longer than expected.

And I'm not waiting for detox, to tell you the truth it never slipped my mind that alcohol all along could have been causing this. Now, I'm starting to warm up to the theory that alcohol did exasperate my anxiety, but it perhaps may not be the root.

Also, I know this is a recovery forum, but no. I do not want to be sober

Now, I do want to cut back on my habits, which won't be a problem. Believe it or not, this thread has helped me a good bit. It's all a matter of choosing for me. I wish it were the same for you guys. I've heard the road to recovery can be a long an desperate road, but it makes you stronger in the end. So keep doin' what you guys are doin'

Aellyce

I see what you mean... so perhaps you would need a bit more help - have you seen a doctor or a therapist? They might be able to assist you improve anxiety and depressive symptoms. I agree those are hard to fight if they are stubborn (we need motivation to do constructive things in the first place) and it becomes a vicious cycle.

There are people on this board that reported being very miserable in early sobriety and not wanting to recover at all. I hope at least one of them will respond to you here.

soberjuly

You may have had more of an addiction that you thought. I know you said you weren't addicted, but I also thought the same. I went through 3 lousy days, now on Day 7, I feel much better.

However, I've been juicing and focusing on things that repair the liver and increase alkalinity in the body. So like juicing lemons and beets for example. Anyhow, I feel much better. I felt it made no sense to stop alcohol and still have a bad diet.

Are you on meds for ADHD? because quitting alcohol will cause them to work better and you may need to lower your dosage. ADHD meds will increase anxiety is the dose is too high.

bassmasterzac

Haennie: I really feel unhappy here. Once I get a job and some money, I'm going to move back to where I thrived. Hopefully that will help my journey. There isn't much here that I enjoy doing and I feel overwhelmed. My freedom feels constricted. Almost claustrophobic, you know?

I did see a doctor, first visit with her. She gave me Adderall for my ADHD by request. I know adderall increases anxiety, but it helps me at the same time by motivating me and helping me enjoy things a little more. She also prescribed me Wellbutrin, but that made me feel like **** and maximum anxiety levels (with or without adderall).

I'm not so much worried about this horrible state as much as getting myself back. I was really satisfied of what I made myself and was very happy with my life hardship or not. I'm trying to come to conclusion it's just anxiety and once I fix this I'll be back to normal. This is probably the worse condition I have at the moment. Everything feels like a blur... not really sure if it's derealization or just complete numbness and stress...


Soberjuly: Maybe you're right, but I really don't feel like I ever was. I could quit on the whim with no side effects or repercussions. Aside from this anxiety/depression that hasn't even been proven to been caused by alcohol, I've looked at many lists of withdrawls from alcohol on the web, and anxiety is the only one fitting the criteria.

I am taking adderall. It does make me anxious and jumpy, but its the only thing that gives me anything remotely close to a kick in the ass. It increases norepinephrine and dopamine, so it's a worthy trade off. I also don't take it every day, only sometimes consecutively. I try to space that drug out as much as possible.

Dee74

Hi Bassmasterzac

I know that I suffered from depression and anxiety when I quit...and it did take a few months to sort out - but I had depression and anxiety before I ever took a drink.

Those years of drinking just made them worse....

A few months might seem interminable but it wasn;t that long against the years I drank.

That's me. I have no idea if you're an alcoholic or not

But if you're suffering depression and anxiety as you describe I'd recommend you see a Doctor

D