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Alcoholic before 20

Old 07-17-2014, 02:15 PM
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Alcoholic before 20

Well, where should I begin? I'm 19 years old and I'm an alcoholic. Before today I would have told you otherwise, that I like to drink but I'm not an alcoholic. I can never enjoy just one drink, but I'm not an alcoholic. I don't know when to stop, but I'm not an alcoholic. I'm only 19, I couldn't possibly be an alcoholic.

The list goes on. The excuses continue. It doesn't change the fact that I truly am an alcoholic.

Addiction is a very prevalant thing in my family, especially on my father's side. My father was a very intelligent man, my mother said, before he fell down a rabbit hole of drug abuse. Nowadays, he displays rapidly progressing signs of schizophrenia (slurred speech, odd beliefs, claims to have seen strange things such as saskwatches, paranoia, rambles about the government and aliens.)

I remember my mother saying never to do drugs, because that is what I will become. Obviously that is not what I want.

When I was younger, I experimented with many drugs. My poison turned out to be cocaine (same as daddy). I remember blowing every cent I made from my minimum wage job on coke and even went to work high, all at the age of 16. I never touched a drink, never even wanted to. I loved the coke too much.

When I was 16, I met the man that would turn into my fiance. I met him at his house during a party, in which I tagged along with one of my friends. The crowd was full of drinkers that didn't approve of drugs, so I spent most of the night sneaking off to the bathroom and doing bumps off the floor. I was naturally shy and remember thinking that I needed to be high just to be able to socialize.

Me and fiance hit it off. I moved in with him and picked up on his drinking habit. I slowly came off the coke and filled the void with alcohol.

Fast forward three years: I am now facing an assault with a weapon charge as a result of a drunken night. I put out a cigarette on his face. It is one of my biggest regrets.

I spent the next few weeks after that literally drinking in an alleyway between buildings. I would cry to myself about how I treated the person I love. I used alcohol to cope with a problem that was fuelled by alcohol. I don't want to be an abuser like my father was to me.

I drank last night. Acted like an idiot and lost a lot of good friends that I have had for years.
Dealing with a post-night regret.

I'm a different person when I drink. I want to stop.
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Old 07-17-2014, 02:18 PM
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Welcome to the Forum Nicole!!

Take a lot of credit that you're realising that you need to make a change at 19yrs old, that is incredible, you can turn this around and live the rest of your life how you want to and not under the rule of addiction!!

You'll find loads of support here on SR!! It's great to have you onboard!!
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Old 07-17-2014, 02:23 PM
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Firstly,welcome

Right now is a very good time for you to stop drinking. I started my daily drinking at exactly the same age as you are now, i'm 25 in a couple of months and have only had a few months off in that time, that's almost 6 years of getting hammered all the time. I functioned because I used speed too during the week.

What happened to me could easily happen to you too- I used to be good looking, but now I have permanent dark bags under my eyes, I've gained a total of 80 lbs in those years, my vision has gone crappy due to being served illegal vodka by the bottle,my short term memory is absolutely destroyed and I make typos that I never used to...

I really dont recommend it. As I reach my mid twenties now, ive found that the social shyness/anxiety is actually fading away as I physically mature. I stop caring what other people think about me.

You say you lost some of your good friends because they dont want to talk to you, if you keep going down the slope you might end up like me - two of my friends have died already from alcohol-related incidents, both of which were two separate organ failures. One was 26 and the other 22.

I messed up too for the past year and im only day 5 sobriety myself, and ive lost count what attempt this is to get sober for good. Get out while you can is my advice before you have the same situation as me.
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Old 07-17-2014, 02:33 PM
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Wow Nicole,

I don't know what to say. You just self-destructed before my very eyes when I read that. Stop now. Stop before you really hurt someone or someone hurts you. There is simply no other answer. Stop today.
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Old 07-17-2014, 02:37 PM
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Welcome NJ
I'm glad you found this board and shared your story. 19 eh? Good for you for recognizing at such an early age that alcohol is a problem, I wish I had!
Stick around here
read some stuff, and keep posting.
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Old 07-17-2014, 02:42 PM
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welcome aboard.

I'm sorry that it's come to such extreme situations for you so early in life and so dramatically.

This has got to be a tremendously difficult time for you, but there is REALLY GOOD NEWS!!!

You're kind of blessed. Because this gives you the opportunity of a lifetime, EARLY on in your lifetime, to head this thing off and have a long, joyful, rewarding and sober life ahead.

I'm sure it feels overwhelming and scary and maybe even impossible to return from all of this - but it's not.

Coming here was a great move, we're here to help and we get it.

Keep logging on, keep posting, keep reading, keep reaffirming your commitment to sobriety and keep not drinking or using.

IT WILL GET BETTER.
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Old 07-17-2014, 03:35 PM
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Welcome to the family. I'm glad you joined us. I hope the awesome support here can help you stop drinking for good.
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Old 07-17-2014, 03:47 PM
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Hi NicoleJay

I really believe that, no matter how far we fall, or what we do, there's always a chance for redemption, for a new beginning

SR helped me find my second chance - I know we can help you find yours too

Welcome
D
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Old 07-17-2014, 03:57 PM
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Welcome Nicole.

Thank you for a well written post that so clearly describes the pain you've been through. Here is where it can end. Thankfully you already know at a young age that you can't touch the stuff. You know where it will take you, and that's valuable knowledge. You'll be avoiding the misery & destruction that many of us have gone through because we refused to face the truth. Be proud of yourself for reaching out. You can do this.
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Old 07-17-2014, 03:59 PM
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I'm 23 and im an alcoholic. I can go days without drinking but once ive had one, i cant stop. I have had those same things happen to me. and i think how can i ever go out without drinking again. this is the prime years where you drink and party ya know. So far Im on day 7 sober. You can do this!!!! remember that you are not the only one going through this and we are here for you
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Old 07-17-2014, 03:59 PM
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Hi NicoleJay, welcome to sr. You have your whole life ahead of you, try not to waste it as you will learn of many of us have until we decided we want life without booze. Wanting to stop is your first step, a positive step.
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