Mambamama

It's the weirdest thing. Has anyone else experienced this?

I've told a few close friends and my boyfriend. I get the general sense that they think I'm overreacting. I know there are a lot of things they don't know about me and my drinking habits. They have asked how long I plan to not drink for. They all think that I will eventually learn to be a moderate drinker.They don't think 1) my behavior has been that bad or 2) the consequences have been that bad.

The truth is, they've almost talked me into it. I'm nervous about drawing a line in the sand and saying "this is my new life" because I don't want to lose so many people I love, but I'm also excited about the possibilities.

Right now taking a drink feels like a huge weight that I don't want to deal with.

Someone at one of the meetings I went to told me not to tell too many people in my life about my decision, for this exact reason. She's starting to make sense.

jdooner

Everyone aroun me had this reaction because I surrounded myself with poeple just like me.

I wonder if at my funeral these people would have acknowledged how sick I was? I doubt it...prob would have celebrated my life and talked about how tragic my premature death was.

Coming to terms and acceptance took a while for me. It is true most around me would have preferred I go back to my old ways. But deep down I knew it meant the end, so I listened to that voice and the folks on this site and in AA meetings. They are the ones that helped save my life.

I am not saying you are the same, that is my experience but don't be quick to dismiss the voices in your head that brought you here. There was a reason and I doubt it is from an overreaction.

Nonsensical

You aren't No One.

FriedPickles

I haven't come out to any of my friends, family or even my fiance. The reactions from your friends seem strange to me because I know mine would be horrified and force me into recovery whether I wanted it or not! Which is part of the reason why I haven't told them...

jdooner

This should be terrifying. If you have ever skydived before its like when you feet are hanging out of the plane but you have not jumped. And for me it was even more dififuclt because those in the plane were creating doubt if the chute was packed right. I needed faith to jump.

This is really hard stuff. I have never met anyone that can just remove the drink or drug and keep everythign the same. That often results in relapse. So changing your whole life as you know it should be terrifying and yes you will find out who you really "love" and who you don't. Your loved ones will support you through this process.

Keep posting - your worth it!

SparkyMcSparky

I find a lot of people use your behaviour as a measuring stick for their behaviour.

So if you say you have a drinking problem, and I drink as much as you do, then I must have a drinking problem. Yikes!

But I don't have a drinking problem, so you don't either.

And in my case, they saw me having fun after a few, not sloshed after a half dozen that I drank when I went home.

If you feel you have a problem, then you do. Worry about you first.

doggonecarl

The boyfriend you think is an alcoholic? Please....

It's hard enough not convincing ourselves we are overreacting. Don't let the drinkers in your life do it.

Mambamama

This is one of the most profound things I have ever read. Yeah, that's food for thought, isn't it?

Maybe I've been treating myself like "no one" for a very long time. I have always thought of myself as strong in some ways and weak in other ways. And I'm not afraid of much! I spend my free time in raging whitewater for heaven's sake. But this is a big deal.

Do I know what it's like to be "someone"? In some ways I know myself, but maybe there's more to know than I have ever experienced.

biminiblue

I don't think you'll lose everyone. Maybe a couple.

There are (frighteningly) 7 Billion people on the planet. Pretty sure a few of them would love to be friends with you.

M88RHM

It's great that your friends and family say that you don't have a problem and all the misery that goes with it but everyone on SR knows that you have a problem, we have exactly the same problem as you. Together we can overcome our problems and then you can feel as good on the inside as you obviously look on the outside.Keep checking in,posting and fighting. You won't lose anyone that loves you, they'll be happy that you're becoming happy

Nonsensical

A clear sign you're not reading nearly enough. I don't think my stuff stacks up well against Dr. Seuss most days.

You are Chairman of the Board in this situation, with >50% of the vote. What say you?

Eddiebuckle

Mamba,

I don't know if you can relate, but after getting sober it became pretty obvious that I had surrounded myself with people who drank like I did. It was never a conscious decision, but I suppose I perceived everyone who didn't drink like I did to be a killjoy and therefore not someone I would want to spend my time with. I did have things in my life besides alcohol, but alcohol was part of all of those things. When alcohol was no longer a part of my life, some of those things and people just didn't work anymore - it turned out that without those people and pastimes were basically props for drinking the way I liked.

I did lose/cease contact with a few of those friends. I wish them well, but it seems without alcohol to fill the voids we really don't have that much in common. I didn't realize it when they were an active part of my life, and I suspect they are unaware since alcohol is still a large part of theirs.

I heard an expression in early sobriety that describes this pretty well: "the only thing a fish cannot see is the water that surrounds him." Your friends and family simply don't know that they don't know. Do not let their lack of perspective change your plan of action.

Flying4Life

Hi Mambamama,

I can really relate to your post, my friends and loved ones were the same way and mostly told me that I was overreacting and expressed a bit of disappointment regarding my decision to choose sobriety. The thing is that I know in my heart that I have a problem with alcohol. I love the escape and feeling it provides and I would probably have gotten drunk everyday if there were no consequences. But I can't and alcohol is a dangerous drug with the power to destroy people's lives and make casualties of the ones who love them the most.

Ten months into my sober life, I want to let you know that I haven't lost any of those people who thought I was overreacting. Quite the contrary, we have gotten closer emotionally and I am more respected that I was before. I am a different person now. I am a person who keeps her word and thinks about the feelings of others.

Follow your heart, it knows the right path.

neferkamichael

Mambamama, even loved ones and friends can become jealous. Got with your gut feelings about drinking being a problem, rootin for ya.

appleface

This is exactly why I am afraid to let people know ...I feel like I'll have to try to explain myself...

PurpleKnight

I found if I discussed my drinking with anyone else not many understood, which is the dangerous thing about asking people who don't have a problem for their advice, they may talk you out of your decision.

After a while I stopped mentioning it and got on with my life!!

soberjuly

I was never confronted by anyone. Even my husband never felt I had a huge problem. He just bought a case of 12 bottles of white wine last week.

I was drinking all over the place. Before leaving the house, upon return and etc. So always a constant stream of booze entering my body and my body was used to it. Not sure how much was obvious to people.

But it was obvious to myself. Worrying about my supply, always having to think, when I was out, do I have enough for the night? Always needing it before I went to sleep.

I discussed it with my husband and he's happy I quit. I discussed with my 2 older kids. I don't plan on going around discussing it with people but at the same time, I'm not ashamed to admit it. I mean, if I am offered a drink, I will just decline. I think that's enough as I am not hanging around with college kids anymore.

GracieLou

Misery loves company and I know for me it did not feel like misery when I was with others. We could all laugh about the night before. Who puked, who passed out first, who spilled what, who tripped, who drank the most, who drank the least and we could compare injuries/bruises….good times!

I compared my drinking habits to others and compared to them, I had no problem. I am sure there were people that looked at my amount of drinking and convinced themselves they had no problem. It is the trickle down effect.

The people saying these things to you are not looking at you. They are comparing themselves to you. They may be worse or they may be better. It does not really matter what they are thinking, it only matters what you think.

If you are having a problem, you have a desire to stop drinking and want to change your life then guess what, you have the right to do that. We only get one life so make it a good one!

It does not surprise me in the least that others do not support our decisions as much as we had hoped. Change comes from within. Others do not like to be subjected to change with no say in the matter, so they are speaking their minds. They don’t want the change.

Unfortunately that means we have to leave people behind when we take the journey to sobriety. That hurts because once we get a taste we want nothing more then to take our loved ones with us but it does not work that way. The sooner you can let go, at least mentally, the easier your journey will be.

jdooner

I found being open with those close to me was part of being honest for me. I wanted to create the accountability in the beginning. That may have contributed to saving my life a few times. I knew I ruined any chance of happily going back to my old ways so telling those that loved me of my problems created a difficult dilemma when I had thoughts of relapse early in the process.

Good for you SoberJuly. Celebrate by smashing those 12 bottles:-)

BTW - My wife loved wine too - she is sober now also but has taken to cranberry and sodas instead.

cusper

If you know you have a problem then that is enough. In my experience most people knew I drank a lot but never saw it as a problem. When I first quit I didn't make a big deal of it, I just said I was cleansing. Then a month passed and it was New Years and there were comments like I was being dramatic. Thing is, all of my friends drink and they can have one or two and switch to coffee. I really don't think they understand that with me there was this constant NEED to keep drinking... it was never enough-ever. Don't bother yourself with other's opinions, you know if you have a drinking problem and you have to take care of yourself. They don't have to live inside your skin. Nor do you need to explain. Seriously what kind of friend would care if you drank or not? I know getting sober is scary to begin with but you will adjust as will the people who love you and you can go on to be the best sober you!! And the ones who matter will be there to support you.