Advised by AA oldtimer that I'm not desperate enough for AA
aka In 'n Out
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Southern California
Posts: 103
I'm going to say it again - I LOVE this board. I appreciate all of this feedback. All of it.
Some of it shows me what I never want to be like.
Some it shows me what I do want to be like.
Some of it shows me that maybe I need to be like something else than I think I need to be like.
All of it gives me something to think about.
Some of it shows me what I never want to be like.
Some it shows me what I do want to be like.
Some of it shows me that maybe I need to be like something else than I think I need to be like.
All of it gives me something to think about.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
Originally Posted by RolyPoly 
Wow. A lot of stuff to digest here.
Want to correct a statement: "You have tried many programs. And yet none have worked." Not true. I have only tried AA. I am now also including RR, SMART, AVRT and WFS.
When someone tells me to "shut up and listen", that doesn't make me want to shut up and listen. It may have worked when I was 5 years old, as an adult, not so much. Questions should be encouraged and answered as best as possible, not dismissed out of hand.
This one really surprises me: "I just get frustrated watching people run from program to program looking for the best way." Wow. No words. If you don't find the best way on the first try please don't look for a better way because that just frustrates me?? Just wow.
I guess my expectations are unrealistic. AA's policy is stated as one of "attraction" rather than promotion. Is it just me or are those attitudes not conducive to attracting newly sober alcoholics? At least the ones that have managed to hang on to a few of their brain cells?
I would hope that if someone asked me for advice and that person seemed to me to be too impatient, was paying attention to the wrong things, and balking when they shouldn't be, I would point out that it is all part of the process and point them to chapters in the Big Book that may be of help. Like somebody did in a response here to my original post.
I would also hope that if I were an AA old-timer and I felt unable to answer questions or understand a newly sober person that had reached out to me I would do my best to refer them to someone with more experience, or someone that had a different viewpoint, rather than ushering them out the door.
Now for some background: How did I come to approach this person? Last year I was in AA for just over a month. I approached a speaker after a speakers meeting and she gave me her telephone number. I never contacted her, instead I went out of the program. I now have 10 days and phoned the speaker as I still had her number and thought she might have some advice for me as to how to fit into AA better than I'm doing this time around. That was her advice.
Another clarification. When I referred to AA "loons" that was NOT meant to be disparaging. I consider myself a loon. Loons are the best people. They are fun, funny, and make the world a more interesting place! Long live loony people!!
Today I have decided I will keep looking for meetings where I fit in better. I will also utilize other recovery methods where they work for me. The people that tell me this is my sobriety, my journey, are right. I'm not quitting because of a few bumps in the road!
Namaste
Want to correct a statement: "You have tried many programs. And yet none have worked." Not true. I have only tried AA. I am now also including RR, SMART, AVRT and WFS.
When someone tells me to "shut up and listen", that doesn't make me want to shut up and listen. It may have worked when I was 5 years old, as an adult, not so much. Questions should be encouraged and answered as best as possible, not dismissed out of hand.
This one really surprises me: "I just get frustrated watching people run from program to program looking for the best way." Wow. No words. If you don't find the best way on the first try please don't look for a better way because that just frustrates me?? Just wow.
I guess my expectations are unrealistic. AA's policy is stated as one of "attraction" rather than promotion. Is it just me or are those attitudes not conducive to attracting newly sober alcoholics? At least the ones that have managed to hang on to a few of their brain cells?
I would hope that if someone asked me for advice and that person seemed to me to be too impatient, was paying attention to the wrong things, and balking when they shouldn't be, I would point out that it is all part of the process and point them to chapters in the Big Book that may be of help. Like somebody did in a response here to my original post.
I would also hope that if I were an AA old-timer and I felt unable to answer questions or understand a newly sober person that had reached out to me I would do my best to refer them to someone with more experience, or someone that had a different viewpoint, rather than ushering them out the door.
Now for some background: How did I come to approach this person? Last year I was in AA for just over a month. I approached a speaker after a speakers meeting and she gave me her telephone number. I never contacted her, instead I went out of the program. I now have 10 days and phoned the speaker as I still had her number and thought she might have some advice for me as to how to fit into AA better than I'm doing this time around. That was her advice.
Another clarification. When I referred to AA "loons" that was NOT meant to be disparaging. I consider myself a loon. Loons are the best people. They are fun, funny, and make the world a more interesting place! Long live loony people!!
Today I have decided I will keep looking for meetings where I fit in better. I will also utilize other recovery methods where they work for me. The people that tell me this is my sobriety, my journey, are right. I'm not quitting because of a few bumps in the road!
Namaste
I misread your quote about all the programs your now "trying." I thought you had tried those - my bad, sorry. My comments would not change though.
The comments that upset me the most are probably the ones with the most wisdom. Sure I did not like them but the ones that are exactly what I wanted to hear and make me feel good probably were not thee best for me. I was sick, still am a bit.
All the cheerleaders and puffers on my thousands of posts didn't do much for me. The ones that pissed me off made me think long and hard and finally got me to stare at the eyes and into the soul of the guy in the mirror (no small task).
I truely only want the best for you and don't even know you. I do hope you find what you are lookign for and best of luck on your journey. BTW - I do think you friend's (AA Oldtimer) advice was wrong but coming from a good place.
It has been my experience with AA that it works well when you have tried other methods and can accept the difficulty of the situation. So I would try other methods, create your own, post and write waht is working (and not) for you to help others along in their journey.
Good luck
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
I am glad you are going to try different meetings. Sometimes it does take some shuffling around to find what works best.
I didn't mean don't look for a better way. What I meant was give the way you are trying a chance first. Ten days does not seem that long. I also find so many that are looking for it to be "their" way. From what I can tell, their way did not aid them in the journey to sobriety. That is why they are here or in the rooms of AA, or treatment or any other program. They don't know how so they ask for help. Then when they get it, they say "I don't like it!" or "it's not for me".
I see so many that want help but they want to dictate the terms of that help. That is why some old timers just say, if you think you know a better way, then go do it. They are not being heartless, they are being honest.
I do get frustrated because I see so many people try AA or another program and after a couple meetings or a few sessions they run away saying "Welp that didn't work"
That is why I asked, are you looking to just stop drinking or looking for sobriety? they are two different things.
When I went to AA I thought I was looking for a way to cope with the obsession, I found so much more but it took time. I had no idea about how to live a sober life. I had to learn.
It does not matter to me what someone tries as long as they give it some time to work. It is not an overnight process, it is a journey, not a race.
Originally Posted by RolyPoly
This one really surprises me: "I just get frustrated watching people run from program to program looking for the best way." Wow. No words. If you don't find the best way on the first try please don't look for a better way because that just frustrates me?? Just wow.
I see so many that want help but they want to dictate the terms of that help. That is why some old timers just say, if you think you know a better way, then go do it. They are not being heartless, they are being honest.
I do get frustrated because I see so many people try AA or another program and after a couple meetings or a few sessions they run away saying "Welp that didn't work"
That is why I asked, are you looking to just stop drinking or looking for sobriety? they are two different things.
When I went to AA I thought I was looking for a way to cope with the obsession, I found so much more but it took time. I had no idea about how to live a sober life. I had to learn.
It does not matter to me what someone tries as long as they give it some time to work. It is not an overnight process, it is a journey, not a race.
aka In 'n Out
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Southern California
Posts: 103
Good point GracieLou. Of course I want it on my terms! What do you mean I don't know best??! 
SugarBear, no, I was so taken aback I just said thanks, I'll be in touch sometime and hung up.
SugarBear, no, I was so taken aback I just said thanks, I'll be in touch sometime and hung up.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
RolyPoly, I admire you - having to sift through all of these replies. You seem like a very intelligent person.
Aside from all of the advice, I'd like to offer a 'suggestion' to you. Do the AVRT Crash Course. It should help keep you sober for 40-50 years until you find a program that works.
Good luck. You'll be fine. And remember, any time you post something about AA that questions it, expect it turn into a debate.
Aside from all of the advice, I'd like to offer a 'suggestion' to you. Do the AVRT Crash Course. It should help keep you sober for 40-50 years until you find a program that works.
Good luck. You'll be fine. And remember, any time you post something about AA that questions it, expect it turn into a debate.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
Originally Posted by RolyPoly
I was so taken aback I just said thanks, I'll be in touch sometime and hung up.
Even if they don't know the answer it was good to talk to someone else. I have found just saying it out loud defuses the tension.
It gets easier to talk it out after you practice. It is something I had to learn to do. I never talked about anything. I kept it all in and let me tell you at the two month mark I was going to kill someone or drink.
I chose to talk about it instead...lol
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Originally Posted by Serenidad
Isn't there Freedom of Speech?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Originally Posted by ScottFromWI
I"m pretty sure this thread has gone over the line of debating recovery methods, which is of course against the rules for the newcomers forum.
NOTE: if you are a new comer....PLEASE explore ALL options including AA. Just because it doesn't work for one person doesn't mean it won't work for you! There are lots of recovery methods! Best of luck! :-)
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Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
Originally Posted by Serenidad
Yeah, your probably right Scott. I'm very sorry if my post offended anyone. I haven't read all the other posts. I DO know people who are sober and happy in AA. That was just MY experience. I guess I didn't realize how bothered I was. Forgive me if I hurt anyone. Sorry Dee. Maybe I posted too much.
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I am in AA and I do work the 12 steps. My experience is they have helped me. But I too had issues with AA but I don't focus on them because they were not my entire experience. I also used RR's AVRT technique. I don't focus on the Founder's rhetoric because that is not my experience with RR it was great actually and I use some parts today.
So what is working for you Sernidad that you could share with the OP to help her?
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Originally Posted by jdooner
Maybe when you take a breath, try writing about what is working for you? What are you doing now to stay sober? I am in AA and I do work the 12 steps. My experience is they have helped me. But I too had issues with AA but I don't focus on them because they were not my entire experience. I also used RR's AVRT technique. I don't focus on the Founder's rhetoric because that is not my experience with RR it was great actually and I use some parts today. So what is working for you Sernidad that you could share with the OP to help her?
Keep up the great work!
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Originally Posted by Purpleknight
As long as posts are within the Forum rules, at the end of the day this is the Newcomer section of the Forum, it should be a welcoming, supportive place for those taking their first steps into recovery!!
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Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
Originally Posted by Dan23
AA never worked for me, every day sitting in a circle and basically listening to the same stories over and over again. if you actually listen you will realise that all the stories are the same just told differently
I only go to a meeting once in a while.
aka In 'n Out
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Southern California
Posts: 103
I guess I need to learn to filter what I hear at the meetings and from the advice I'm given. We're all at different stages of recovery, at different stages in our lives, and we bring different baggage to the table. I definitely need to not focus on the things that irritate me but look at what resonates and have that as my take-away.
I'm going to give this 30 days as was suggested by the woman I asked for advice, at that point I will be more mentally and emotionally balanced and will be in a better position to make a decision.
I do like what I'm seeing on the SMART and RR websites though. And I love these modern 12 steps: Anodea Judith: Pagan 12-Step(Part 1 of 4)
I don't see myself as a pagan
but if this part works for me I will use it.
I'm going to give this 30 days as was suggested by the woman I asked for advice, at that point I will be more mentally and emotionally balanced and will be in a better position to make a decision.
I do like what I'm seeing on the SMART and RR websites though. And I love these modern 12 steps: Anodea Judith: Pagan 12-Step(Part 1 of 4)
I don't see myself as a pagan
but if this part works for me I will use it.
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This thread is closed until I have time to look at it and numerous posts have been removed.
The Newcomers Forum is a safe and welcoming place for newcomers. Respect is essential. Debates over Recovery Methods are not allowed on the Newcomer's Forum. Posts that violate this rule will be removed without notice. (Support and experience only please.)
The Newcomers Forum is a safe and welcoming place for newcomers. Respect is essential. Debates over Recovery Methods are not allowed on the Newcomer's Forum. Posts that violate this rule will be removed without notice. (Support and experience only please.)
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