Nuudawn

I have never suffered any physical withdrawal when I have ceased drinking. I have a problem with the stuff nevertheless. I have such a big problem that I hang out on a recovery forum and first poked my head into an AA meeting over 20 years ago.

I'm still in assessment mode with AA. I like what someone said in another thread (might have been my own regarding AA) that they attend but don't share..that they just go wanna hang out with their "sober tribe". I am not sure I want all the bells and whistles but I think there is a thing or two there that is beneficial for me.

Learning patience, allowing someone to speak opinions I do not share but don't need to "react" to, friendly faces, sobriety etc etc.

May I ask what you said to this old timer to garner such a response?

LadyinBC

When asking others for advice you are going to get some advice that you don't like. This happens in any program, not just AA.

Take what you need from the advice and leave the rest. If the advice doesn't help you, you are free to ignore it. Sometimes it pays to shelf it and bring it out later to ponder. You might find a different meaning at a later date. I have found hidden meanings in lots of things I was told in early recovery. I couldn't see them at the time, but they did make sense later on.

Don't let what people say deter you from trying any program. At the end of the day it is YOUR recovery.

neferkamichael

RolyPoly, yes you have run into a really bad AAer and yes the program is full of kooks. Please always remember when you are in an AA meeting you are still in a room full of drunks. You'll know when you are desperate enough to quit, rootin for ya.

PurpleKnight

Yeah that advice is pretty awful!! . . . go out and hit rock bottom? . . . start drinking again and that may improve your commitment to be Sober in the future??!!

Sounds pretty reckless to me!!

Rence

That was definitely not a good thing to say. In trying to figure out WHY she said that, I have to ask this - was she making suggestions to you that you were not willing to do ? She may have felt that you weren't fully dedicated to getting and staying sober.

Some folks in AA can be pretty tough with their advice. It's important to associate with someone you respect and that can direct you in a way that is comfortable for you to relate to. Don't associate the AA community as a whole with the advice of one person. You will find the right person or persons for yourself in there At this point you need a more sympathetic person to guide you. I have had a couple people there get frustrated with my constant relapsing, but in the end, I have the right people there to talk too - you will too.

MIRecovery

One thing you left out is what prompted the old timer to say what they said. I doubt an old timer randomly came up to you and made this comment.

We have to learn to listen and listen to learn

desypete

i only wish i had a job and money and a family and a computer with an internet connection, when i tried to give up drinking
but sadly drink took me down to drinking every day, losing my job, losing my money,loseing my family, losing my home.

so to those people who still have all these things in place and can make use of all the help that is around for them then there really is no excuse for drinking as the help that is around is huge with so many different methods

aa worked for me and still works for me as i had nothing left so its the only place i could go to
i sit around meetings with a lot of others who did keep there familys and jobs etc they know how lucky they have been to quit drinking in time as what happend to me would of happend to them if they carried on

it will happen to ever reader here who is an alcoholic like me if they carry on drinking it will get worse so the rock bottom you reach i hope is a very high one rather than a very low one
as i really dont know why i just didnt hang myself and be done as i had nothing at all but a flat to sleep in
everyone treated me like the scum of the earth as that what i had become
only the people in aa who helped me giving my there time, there effort, and in some cases some gave me some money for food
can you imagine the shame of taken money for food from people and i wanted to pay them back and all they said to me was pass it on to someone else who might one day be in your shoes

all i hope is that many who take there computers for granted dont end up loseing them or there interent conection or there jobs or there money or there partners
but if they do aa doors will be open wide for anyone and they will help you all they can the rest is down to you

i had to be beaten in all areas of my life before i finaly gave in
today i have a job i have money i have my kids back living with me i have a home i have all i could possibly need and more
but the most important thing i have today is the fact i am sober and grateful for what i have and believe me living sober for me has been a knightmare with losing one of my kids to stomach cancer yet i never turned it into an excuse for drinking, i never thought of a drink. i wanted to die with him but i never thought of a drink

thats what aa has given me,

so to the poster who says if this online forum wasnt here they would be back on the drink and aa is rubbish i would ask them to think again
aa saves lifes it saved mine and many millions more it doesnt want to be in competion with anyone or anything, but if you end up losing your computer or internet conection aa will be there for you should you need us

IOAA2

That’s for sure, we even expect the sick newcomer to act well. Most people coming to AA fail to get sober until they get honest with themselves about their drinking and ACCEPT the fact they cannot drink in safety. THEN they “gutta wana” live sober. Many just don’t get it because of the damages done to their mind and emotions. Sobriety is a gift for an alcoholic which many are incapable of accepting.

BE WELL

Duffster

This really bothers me! I first went to AA 20 years ago when I was in my early 20s. I was drinking very regularly to the point of blackouts and didn't know how to stop so a friend's brother took me to meetings. I wasn't taken seriously at all and it was so frustrating. My friend told me that a bunch of the people from AA were at her house talking about how I didn't look bad enough to need AA and that I didn't really need meetings. Basically, they thought I was wasting their time being at meetings because I wasn't a hard core alcoholic or drug addict.

During the time that I attended those meetings I totaled my car in a black out. To this day I don't know what more would have made me ready enough for AA.

I wish I had ignored all the gossip and stuck with the program. It would have saved me years of pain and humiliation.

You're going to find bad apples in any program you try. The only requirement for AA is that you have a desire to quit. Please don't follow this woman's advice or let anyone else's opinion of you or the level of your problem deter your from seeking a healthy life. I wish I didn't.

GracieLou

I didn't see where you answered this question. Are you?

I was desperate enough to try anything. I tried AA ten years ago. I was not done so I drank again. I didn't want to quit, I was doing it for someone other than me. All that did was cause me to resent them. I removed them from my life so I could continue to drink in peace.

I was ready when I came back to AA ten years later. I was beaten down and had no hope. All I had was a small fragment of faith that these people and this program could help me.

If you do not think the program can help you then by all means, move on. Begging and pleading with you to stay is not doing me or you any good.

Either you want help or you don't. If you want it your way on your terms then maybe you are not ready. Your way and your terms got you here. It is what you do after you are here that will make the difference and that is for any program you decide to try.

Nothing changes if nothing changes and that includes you. Are you ready to just stop drinking or are you ready to live a life of sobriety? They are two different animals.

schnappi99

I find it fascinating that there are so many that are so dubious and hesitant about AA yet drank with abandon. OTOH I'm on the codie side so for sure have not lived it- yet as a codie I am so sick of acting that way I would go to meetings in a cardboard box full of mud and rats by the side of a railroad track in the rain if that was where recovery was. I hope thats not taken as some kind of superior-dance... I apologize if it comes across that way- its just that I actually am fascinated by the dynamic- my codie voice wants me to "deliberate" about recovery so maybe I get it to some extent.

Good luck everyone!

IOAA2

"My friend told me that a bunch of the people from AA were at her house talking about how I didn't look bad enough to need AA and that I didn't really need meetings. Basically, they thought I was wasting their time being at meetings because I wasn't a hard core alcoholic or drug addict."

I might interpret LOOK as more of what’s said than a physical appearance. I often hear newcomers and react to myself that they don’t seem ready to stop drinking. For example, when they talk it’s all about the “good” times they had drinking, forgetting the present pain or why they are at a meeting. Some may think I’m being judgmental, perhaps so but it’s a result of many years of meeting newcomers who don’t have a reputation of honesty in general.

BE WELL

IOAA2

I could not put it any clearer.

BE WELL

anattaboy

I would not put my 3 yr. old in just any daycare--I would be very choosy and the quality of care and credentials would be paramount. My advice to all entering AA or even this community is watch and listen for a couple weeks or more and choose who you speak to based on actions and not sales pitches. Treat yourself as you would your child. Also, no human being or meeting...or anything is worth drinking over.

Notmyrealname

People generally either tell you what they think you want to hear, or they tell you what they think you need to hear. Sounds like this was much more the latter.

You asked someone who has valuable experience in getting sober and staying sober a question, and you got an honest answer, and it didn't cost you a dime. Whether or not you like the answer is really your business, not this AA member's business. You asked, she answered, mission accomplished.

Have you considered that she may be onto something there? I don't know your situation, but it seems a little silly to ask a question and then immediately discount the answer because it's not the one you wanted to hear.

miamifella

Telling someone who wants to stop drinking to go out and drink some more is morally reprehensible. It does not matter how long someone has been sober, or how committed to AA they are.

It is just wrong.

I have seen people told to go out again follow the advice and die. But the same people keep saying it. And others defend it.

Telling an alcoholic to leave AA and drink again until they cause more damage to themselves and others, cannot be right under any circumstances.

desypete

i find myself arguing with this post as what if you dont have kids ? what if you dont have the money to pick and choose the child care ?

i understand the part about having a look around as in aa we tell people to try out many different meetings as they might find one that suits them better then other types
but i dont agree with your comments about child care as i said many people will come to aa who have lost there kids so will not have that sort of choice to make
i think your comment might be aimed at the high end up market types of people who are still able to function in that way ?

gardendiva

I agree with miamifella. There is no justification for advising an alcoholic to drink. None.

tomsteve

heres a part of the big book. if fromt he 2nd section of the personal stories:
Among today’s incoming A.A. members, many have never reached the advanced stages of alcoholism, though given time all might have.

Most of these fortunate ones have had little or no acquaintance with delirium, with hospitals, asylums, and jails. Some were drinking heavily, and there had been occasional serious episodes. But with many, drinking had been little more than a sometimes uncontrollable nuisance. Seldom had any of these lost either health, business, family, or friends.

Why do men and women like these join A.A.?

The seventeen who now tell their experiences answer that question. They saw that they had become actual or potential alcoholics, even though no serious harm had yet been done.

They realized that repeated lack of drinking control, when they really wanted control, was the fatal symptom that spelled problem drinking. This, plus mounting emotional disturbances, convinced them that compulsive alcoholism already had them; that complete ruin would be only a question of time.

Seeing this danger, they came to A.A. They realized that in the end alcoholism could be as mortal as cancer; certainly no sane man would wait for a malignant growth to become fatal before seeking help.

Therefore, these seventeen A.A.’s, and hundreds of thousands like them, have been saved years of infinite suffering. They sum it up something like this: “We didn’t wait to hit bottom because, thank God, we could see the bottom. Actually, the bottom came up and hit us. That sold us on Alcoholics Anonymous.”

desypete

i have never heard anyone in aa tell anyone they shouldnt be in an aa room
i have heard people hint at it with there shares when they try to tell people how to get sober and stay sober living in the solution stuff, or that could be my head thinking thats what there telling people,
the use terms like real alcoholic to make people question if there an alcoholic or not

i always say the only requirement for membership to aa is a desire to stop drinking
if drinking is costing you more than money you have a problem with the drink in my eyes
what i dont want to see is people very high up who havent suffered the way i have to have to suffer the way i have as i wish i was one of the very high up types of alcoholics who managed to stop in time

there the wisest of them all as there making sure it never happens to them just by not picking up that first drink