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I am READY Like CRAZY

Old 07-18-2004, 02:15 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
knucklehead
 
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Cinn, thanks so much for beginning this thread. great way to start. it sounds as though you are on the right path already. "it is not an option" i like that it helps the self to stay in control. abstanance for sure is the only pure way to deal with this problem. the choice will always be there. it is all about personal responsibility, self knowledge and making the right choices regarding alcohol. stay strong.
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Old 07-19-2004, 04:22 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Hi everyone!

Hope all of you are doing well.

kckman, you put a nice light on the situation for sure. It is all about accepting responsibility for our daiy choices. Just as making the decission of staying on the road or slamming the car into an overpass. As silly as that may seem, it is a choice in life.

Chy, no sweets yet. I am taking a vitamin to balance my blood surgar level. I hope it continues to help, I need no more weight gain between Sweetie and a six-pack everyday!! Thanks for your notes, they have helped tremendously.

Kimberly, I would like to do this thing together. It sounds like we are in the same kind of situation

Ann, I found a ladies AA meeting in my area and plan to attend my first meeting this week. I will let you know how it goes. I am thinking that might be the least intimidating way to enter the AA world. Thank you for you gentle and sweet words. It is interesting how others see us. Sometimes we forget the basics until s/o gives a reminder.

I will continue to try and get to know each person that is selflessly offering guidance and support. I only get a couple minutes a day on my PC. Life of a mommy.

UPDATE:

Today marks my 6th day of sobriety. I have been able to draw strength form your notes and stories, my husband and Sweetie. I have never felt better. We all know how much fun being prego is.... even though I did not get loaded everyday, I felt as wonderful as beached whale that is sleep deprived.

It has helped to start my day with an hour yoga practice and loads of water. Water, what the hell??? WOW, it makes you feel great and yearn for the good foods. We take walks everynight as a family and chat about our days. It has been a God send to find this board. I am certain everyone here feels this too. All of you gave me such clarity and drive to see my problem and make a change.

We went to a party over the weekend at a couples house that never drinks. We walk in and there are huge vats full of iced beer....my fav! I thought 'Come on, you have got to be kidding me'. We ended up staying for several hours and had a great time. I was in disbelief that I was not even the tiniest bit tempted. It is as though a switch was turned on inside of me.

I hope I continue to feel as driven as I do now for the rest of my journey. I want to log on this time next year and say 'I am on my 365th day of Sobriety and I feel great'. We can all dream...right?

Remember that there is no future at the bottom of a bottle.

Love all, Cinn.
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Old 07-19-2004, 05:39 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Cinn and company, i like you only have a limited PC time . the life of a working daddy and mommy. hey i am not complaining whats not to like after all i am sober today. i intend to stay that way for the rest of my days living on the beautiful planet.

cinn, you are an inspiration here. looking foward to sharing this road with you. i am driving my car and i dont want to crash any more. got to keep it running good. got to keep it tuned. got to keep it clean. got to feed it right. got to keep it strong so i can safely maneuver through what ever nature throws my way. smiling.
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Old 07-20-2004, 12:49 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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welcome Cinnamon! glad to meet you! love-alice
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Old 07-22-2004, 12:58 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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The honeymoon is officially over!

The last couple of days have provided nothing but pure stress. Alright, I am a tiny bit over-the-top with this statement. It does seem like with every turn, I hit a brick wall. If there were ever time I chose to drink, it was during a time simular to this one. I am gleefully over the hump and things are starting to go back to normal. I will say that I remained very clear headed and focused on the ACTUAL issue at hand. This not drinking thing really does allow for normal thought processing. I am AMAZED!!!! I would have been all the map worrying about things totally out of my control and obsessing over every minute detail involved...and then I would of made up a few to justify my intense worry.

So, I am thrilled to report that I made it through a tough time without the urge to drink. I had a passing thought, but that was it. I quickly reminded myself that drinking would help the situations and a new day would be here soon.

Take Care, Cinn.
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Old 07-22-2004, 01:01 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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"I quickly reminded myself that drinking would help the situations and a new day would be here soon."


TYPO!!!!! I meant Drinking would NOT help the situations!
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Old 07-23-2004, 02:41 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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WELL DONE CINN
I'm 9 months sober, it's tough sometimes but worth it. I chose AA to help me although I have trouble with the spiritual side.
The way I work things is that my sobriety is the most important thing in my life. This may sound sad as I also have the sweetest daughter in the world + the greatest son, but if I drink again I'll lose them. If I stay sober my whole life is superb with drink nothing matters but drink. Thats why to me being sober is No1

Hiney
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Old 07-24-2004, 10:03 PM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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Broken Spirit

The recent days have proven to be quite challenging for my spirit. It seems that the past is rearing its ugly head. I suppose a troubled heart and mind are part of the recovery journey.

I began to self-medicate after my first daughter did not make it through delivery. When I grew tired of sobbing every night, I began to drink heavily. I am doing everyhting I can to cope with the loss without the aid of alcohol to numb the whole that lingers in my being.

One might think that I would look at Ava, my little one, and be greatful for her health. I do most of the time, but every blue moon I am overwhelmed with fear. I had fallen madly in love with Sophia only to say 'good-bye my love' on her first day of life. I miss her more than words can possibly convey. I can not go through my life paralized by fear of loss. I keep telling myself that Ava will be fine;after all, she is smart as the dickens, healthy as anyone has the right to be and happy as a clam. I want so much to enjoy all of the wonderful things my family offers.

The last 2 1/2 years of therepy is just about out of the window, or so it seems at this point. What good has it done if I still feel an emptiness inside and a longing for my sweet Sophia. I guess within all of the dribble, I am making a rather poor attempt to ask a basic question. Is this normal to feel like I am moving backwards. Will this subside soon?

Thank you for your time, Cinn.
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Old 07-25-2004, 12:03 AM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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Hello Cinn

I have NO IDEA how I ended up at this site and stumbled upon your post, but we'll call it providence.

I'm the father of 5 children, the oldest being 17 who found myself in May 2000
homeless, $1.21 with a bus token to nowhere my total net worth, and strung out on an average 100 Percodan a day habit.

I too had lost a child earlier but also experienced the death of my mom at 5 in a fire at my house and was abandoned by an alcoholic father shortly thereafter. He died when I was 13, and it wasn't long after that I had become strung out and homeless in high school.

I won't tell you my life story, but I will tell you I'm no stranger to pain and the need to medicate.

I can't say whether your pain will ever go away, but I'LL SHARE WITH YOU HOW MINE DID.

Recovery is the art of uncovering, discovering and discarding, I have found.
This process was initiated for me through the working of the 12 steps. These 12 spiritual principles are as sure to work as gravity....if you work them.

How does this happen?

Through the support of a kindred fellowship (AA/NA) and the guiding of a sponsor. A problem I had at first was suffering from the paralysis of analysis
in choosing a sponsor. I'd suggest you just grab someone who has substantial clean time at first, if for no other reason for an accountability partner...and to get you in the habit of following suggestions of those who have walked the path of sobriety longer than us.

I have worked the steps, and I'll say that step 4 was where my healing began and the uncovering process was initiated. The pain and anguish of loss was being dealt with, forgvigeness was recognized as an essential to MY healing(I was pissed at God, as well as the world), and my coping skills were being developed.

Skipping forward 4+ years now, If I had to say that if any one thing is a staple and the one daily necessity I WONT sacrifice, it would have to be prayer and my daily contact with my higher power, who in my case is Jesus Christ.

My addiction kept me 3 yrs from my family, but for the past year and a half we've been back under one roof. There's much work to be done from the wreckage of my past as I'm seeing my son walk the same dead end path that I chose.

But to answer your question: "The last 2 1/2 years of therepy is just about out of the window, or so it seems at this point. What good has it done if I still feel an emptiness inside and a longing for my sweet Sophia. I guess within all of the dribble, I am making a rather poor attempt to ask a basic question. Is this normal to feel like I am moving backwards. Will this subside soon?"

It depends? What action are you going to take to uncover the source of the pain? What steps are you willing to walk to discover the road out...and how willing will you be to discard the familiar friend/foe we must now leave behind when it's time?

That's your call, but I can assure you that since I made my own decision to walk down a different path in blind faith, I haven't regretted a nanosecond of it.

Life is good, it's hard, it's confusing, its rewarding, it's stressful, it's painful, it's promising and more. The good thing I've discovered though each day is...I don't have to do it on my own

...and neither do you.

Many blessings to you....you're in my prayers. :band
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Old 07-25-2004, 08:41 PM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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Micheal,

Thank you for taking the time to pass on your experience and wisdom. I feel much better today, esp after reading your words. I did go to a few AA meetings and was a bit turned off by the attitude of a few people I met. I am currently looking meetings at a different location in attempt to find a group I jive with better.

I will write more later..... my little one is stiring. Thanks again for the advise.

Cinn
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