anchorhold

I've been married for almost 30 years -- the last 13 of which have been a roller coaster for me not only dealing with my drinking issues, but that of my spouse. He is a heavy drinker - 4 to 6 drinks daily, more on weekends & holidays. Of course, he's in denial when I've broached him about it. Even when our kids have asked him to stop, he can't and sneaks his drinks in our garage.

Needless to say, my resolve to quit for good is going to be challenged I know by his constant alcohol abuse and all his booze around the house.

Any advice appreciated.

Day four today and feeling better already! :-)
>AH

isitme

Me me me! I'm not quite as far into it, but I've been in my relationship for 10 years.

We always drank together. That's how we met. I was 23. But moving forward through the years, and two kids later. It's not working for me anymore. I see alcohol destroying lots of lives around me, and I know that to some extent I'm self medicating.

I tried several times to quit and mostly just cut way back. But it was always a problem to him. I became the "goodie two shoes" and all sorts of other things. He refuses to think any of it is a problem. You know all the usual suspects.. I work every day, I deserve a drink if I want one, I don't drive, I'm not gone out in the clubs.

It's been tough. But this last week. (I just gave up for good 7/9/14) Actually hasn't been that bad. I started drinking water with those liquid flavors in the same cup I used to drink in. And some how.. I can't even tell the difference.

Glad you're feeling better

anchorhold

Funny - that's how we met too -- drunk at a university football game in our early 20's. Thanks for your response and heres to MIO (the squirty flavour drink stuff) club soda and being sober!
>AH

GotGrace

My husband drinks more than he should. Not sure if he would qualify as an alcoholic, but my guess is yes. Anyway, since I stopped 10+ months ago! I have made sure that this journey is about me. My deciding to stop drinking has nothing to do with him. It is not for him or to punish him. I am doing it for me. Sometimes it is hard for me not to judge him when he is drinking and I think he has had enough, and sometimes I do judge him, just not out loud!

I guess I just keep front and center in my mind-- and have even written down-- why I quit and why being sober is better than not for me. It has to be about me.

Good luck. I hope you can stay sober and that he will support you.

Carlotta

My first time in recovery, my live in boyfriend was a raging drunk who would be drinking in front of me..it was very difficult but I stayed sober. I also joined Al Anon which saved my sanity.
I finally got him arrested and took a restraining order against it for DV.

anchorhold

Thank you GotGrace -- agree, this is my journey, not his. I like you, will judge him but never out loud anymore. I know as I continue down the sobriety path, I will start to see a lot of things differently through my new sober lenses. I just bought my journal yesterday and am writing in it daily - it helps me focus too!
Best,
>AH

anchorhold

Thanks Carlotta,
I'm glad you are rid of that relationship - how toxic was that! My husband can be verbally mean when he's been drinking as well, but never physically violent. My strategy has always been to remove myself from the situation and never try to fight when he's in that condition. Most of the time, he forgets the next day anyways. I know my journey is about me, not him.

Have a great sober day!
>AH

ElleDee

Similar. My partner gave up drinking 30 years ago and took up marijuana instead. So he's smoked for all 22 years of our marriage and I drank until recently when I realized I have to stop. But now he continues to smoke and admits he's addicted to it. It's not as bad for me as booze might be because it's not like there's booze in the house, but I feel resentment nonetheless.