50 Days sober ...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: BC
Posts: 557
50 Days sober ...
... one day at a time. I try to not think beyond today when it comes to my sobriety. I plan things and think about the fact that they may be difficult to face sober (like ... a vacation that I am planning in August), but I still stay sober one day at a time. I am building on my plan and my arsenal every single day that I don't drink and every time I face a difficult issue with a sober mind. Experience, strength and hope ... mine and yours and my friends' at AA ... will get me through.
I had a really big lesson recently, one that has strengthened my resolve even though it just about cost me my sobriety. I was reminded of how I cannot control things and if I get too "inside my own head", I am doomed to failure. If I get too self-important and self-serving, I will surely drink. If I allow stress to dictate my emotion and behaviour, I will be back at day 1. I forgot how to just let things go ... let them be what they will be ... after all, I am so good at managing my own life, that I should manage every little thing around me, right? WRONG! I have proven that over and over and over again throughout my alcoholic life and should know better, but my ego takes over sometimes and I forget how unimportant I really am in the grand scheme of things. That ego will be the death of me if I let it.
Now, I feel good about where I am on this journey. I am a very grateful sober alcoholic ... today. I have met and talked to many wonderful people that would never be in my drinking life, and I am thankful for that. I am honoured to be in this circle of alcoholics ... we are good people, brave people, worthy people ... although, all too often, we do not feel that way. At least this alcoholic often does not feel that way. I can be on a roller coaster of feeling and emotion some days, but overall the feeling of chaos is gone. The feeling of serenity has replaced the turmoil, there is peace and calm in my life where before there was just noise in my head. It's a far better place to be and I need to remind myself of that fact every day. I need to be grateful, I need to be humble, I need to stay focused on why I came here, I need to remember the desperation I felt on day 1. Because I do not want to go back there. I choose life over death, I choose to not drink today.
I had a really big lesson recently, one that has strengthened my resolve even though it just about cost me my sobriety. I was reminded of how I cannot control things and if I get too "inside my own head", I am doomed to failure. If I get too self-important and self-serving, I will surely drink. If I allow stress to dictate my emotion and behaviour, I will be back at day 1. I forgot how to just let things go ... let them be what they will be ... after all, I am so good at managing my own life, that I should manage every little thing around me, right? WRONG! I have proven that over and over and over again throughout my alcoholic life and should know better, but my ego takes over sometimes and I forget how unimportant I really am in the grand scheme of things. That ego will be the death of me if I let it.
Now, I feel good about where I am on this journey. I am a very grateful sober alcoholic ... today. I have met and talked to many wonderful people that would never be in my drinking life, and I am thankful for that. I am honoured to be in this circle of alcoholics ... we are good people, brave people, worthy people ... although, all too often, we do not feel that way. At least this alcoholic often does not feel that way. I can be on a roller coaster of feeling and emotion some days, but overall the feeling of chaos is gone. The feeling of serenity has replaced the turmoil, there is peace and calm in my life where before there was just noise in my head. It's a far better place to be and I need to remind myself of that fact every day. I need to be grateful, I need to be humble, I need to stay focused on why I came here, I need to remember the desperation I felt on day 1. Because I do not want to go back there. I choose life over death, I choose to not drink today.
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Honolulu
Posts: 6
hokey,
loved your post...great way to start my day
i went through an emotional storm yesterday, lots of tears, regret and remorse. i hate feeling that way! i prayed a lot...however, i slept well and woke up feeling pretty good because i made it through without drinking (gasp!) we can do it and each time we do we learn and grow stronger. thanks for your post as it reminds me that i am not alone and my ego is an illusion...
Stacie
loved your post...great way to start my day
i went through an emotional storm yesterday, lots of tears, regret and remorse. i hate feeling that way! i prayed a lot...however, i slept well and woke up feeling pretty good because i made it through without drinking (gasp!) we can do it and each time we do we learn and grow stronger. thanks for your post as it reminds me that i am not alone and my ego is an illusion...Stacie
Nice work! And great post.
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