Day 5 of codeine cold turkey and I'm a mess
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: HK
Posts: 331
Day 5 of codeine cold turkey and I'm a mess
Dear All,
A little about me, I'm 30 and have had a codeine addiction for 1-2 years, though for most of that time I wasn't aware I was addicted.
I have a history of anxiety and mild OCD. Around 18 months ago I had a nervous breakdown which looking back seemed like withdrawal, though I just thought I was gojng insane as I was having extreme anxiety and intrusive thoughts which got worse over a period of a month until I ended up curled up in a psychs office.
Moving on, I got help and meds in the form of ssris and led a relatively normal life for another 6 months, then had another breakdown after returning from overseas where I couldn't take codeine, again it didn't really click at the time.
Eventually it did click and I'm determined to get off this stuff so I can address my anxiety properly.
I was on anywhere from 120-300 mgs a day or more, after a while taking codeine became a part of my daily life to the extent that I didn't even pay attention to what I was taking, for the most part life was good but there was still that anxiety jumping on my back every now and then.
I'm going through this more or less alone as I live overseas and my family are all back home, and I don't want to burden my friends or girlfriend with this crap even though she asks to see me everyday. I just called her and cried for half an hour... I'm a 30 year old man for crying out loud (boom boom tschh!!!). I'm also scared that I'll get so depressed that I might lash out at her or hurt myself, not that I've ever done that before.
I guess I don't really have any questions, I've been on another site but there are so many people there still using it's hard to take their advice, although it's all in good faith and most of it is indeed very good advice.
It would be comforting to know if any other men have been this depressed and emotional during getting sober and whether it got better.
I just want to quit feeling depressed, and it's so incredibly hard to go through it knowing that an evil little pill will make me feel just fine... For a while.
Thank you, I just needed a space to rant. I've told my gf to come over for a swim, maybe that'll take my mind off it for a while.
A little about me, I'm 30 and have had a codeine addiction for 1-2 years, though for most of that time I wasn't aware I was addicted.
I have a history of anxiety and mild OCD. Around 18 months ago I had a nervous breakdown which looking back seemed like withdrawal, though I just thought I was gojng insane as I was having extreme anxiety and intrusive thoughts which got worse over a period of a month until I ended up curled up in a psychs office.
Moving on, I got help and meds in the form of ssris and led a relatively normal life for another 6 months, then had another breakdown after returning from overseas where I couldn't take codeine, again it didn't really click at the time.
Eventually it did click and I'm determined to get off this stuff so I can address my anxiety properly.
I was on anywhere from 120-300 mgs a day or more, after a while taking codeine became a part of my daily life to the extent that I didn't even pay attention to what I was taking, for the most part life was good but there was still that anxiety jumping on my back every now and then.
I'm going through this more or less alone as I live overseas and my family are all back home, and I don't want to burden my friends or girlfriend with this crap even though she asks to see me everyday. I just called her and cried for half an hour... I'm a 30 year old man for crying out loud (boom boom tschh!!!). I'm also scared that I'll get so depressed that I might lash out at her or hurt myself, not that I've ever done that before.
I guess I don't really have any questions, I've been on another site but there are so many people there still using it's hard to take their advice, although it's all in good faith and most of it is indeed very good advice.
It would be comforting to know if any other men have been this depressed and emotional during getting sober and whether it got better.
I just want to quit feeling depressed, and it's so incredibly hard to go through it knowing that an evil little pill will make me feel just fine... For a while.
Thank you, I just needed a space to rant. I've told my gf to come over for a swim, maybe that'll take my mind off it for a while.
Keeping it simple!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 3,282
Hi Lost! Welcome to SR. You will find lots of support here. I am not familiar with codeine as I am an alcoholic, but I'm sure there are others here that will post who have been there.
I do know that I was extremely depressed when I first quit drinking. Have you spoken to a doctor about your addiction?
I do know that I was extremely depressed when I first quit drinking. Have you spoken to a doctor about your addiction?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
Hey, we're here when you want to rant! I dabbled in drug but alcohol was my only addiction. Still, I understand how addiction feels. You're right- that little bump takes the edge off but it comes back worse. Hang in there! It will get better.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: HK
Posts: 331
Thanks guys, I really do just need encouragement at this stage. It just seems like most stories relating to codeine or opiates that I read involve relapse, it's so rare to see stories of people succeeding their first time trying.
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
Originally Posted by Lostinhk 
It just seems like most stories relating to codeine or opiates that I read involve relapse
Stick around here for lots of support! People can talk you through the rough spots! And there's somebody here 24 hours a day!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 598
Hi Lostinhk -
I know what you are going through - I really do. For myself it was more codone than codeine, but they are all in the same family, and truthfully I'd take any painkiller I could get my hands on.
About the anxiety/depression - withdrawals take both of those and multiple them to the moon! You said you have underlying anxiety issues, but I can promise you right now that they are heightened because of the wds. I actually have found as horrible as they are - I can actually deal with the physical wds better than the mental ones. Those are tough. And it's even tougher to know that one pill will make all these horrid feelings go a way. But play the tape to the end. If you take one it may help for a little bit, but then you are right back to the beginning. It's not worth it, I hope you can fight through it - it's so so hard.
Now, I am not a man so I cannot speak to that question but I hope you can get over the tough guy thing really quick. If I threw on a flannel and went out to chop wood with a chainsaw (is that manly, I have no idea lol) and that made me feel better dealing with all this then I wouldn't give a rat's ass if anyone, including myself, thought it was "unfeminine". Throw out those old time notions of how we should act based on gender. We are all human. If you need to cry - then cry. Did it make you feel better? Good. Why be ashamed?
As far as relapse, the most common that I have seen (read and experienced myself) is after a little clean time you get complacent and think - oh, I can just have one or two. No! lol. Trust me, I would say that leads to relapse almost all of the time. Head over to the substance abuse forum and read some threads there. Lots of great advice, and lots of success stories.
I wish you the best, because I know how horrible this disease is. I'm on day 10 now and I can tell you - it really will start to get better!
I know what you are going through - I really do. For myself it was more codone than codeine, but they are all in the same family, and truthfully I'd take any painkiller I could get my hands on.
About the anxiety/depression - withdrawals take both of those and multiple them to the moon! You said you have underlying anxiety issues, but I can promise you right now that they are heightened because of the wds. I actually have found as horrible as they are - I can actually deal with the physical wds better than the mental ones. Those are tough. And it's even tougher to know that one pill will make all these horrid feelings go a way. But play the tape to the end. If you take one it may help for a little bit, but then you are right back to the beginning. It's not worth it, I hope you can fight through it - it's so so hard.
Now, I am not a man so I cannot speak to that question but I hope you can get over the tough guy thing really quick. If I threw on a flannel and went out to chop wood with a chainsaw (is that manly, I have no idea lol) and that made me feel better dealing with all this then I wouldn't give a rat's ass if anyone, including myself, thought it was "unfeminine". Throw out those old time notions of how we should act based on gender. We are all human. If you need to cry - then cry. Did it make you feel better? Good. Why be ashamed?
As far as relapse, the most common that I have seen (read and experienced myself) is after a little clean time you get complacent and think - oh, I can just have one or two. No! lol. Trust me, I would say that leads to relapse almost all of the time. Head over to the substance abuse forum and read some threads there. Lots of great advice, and lots of success stories.
I wish you the best, because I know how horrible this disease is. I'm on day 10 now and I can tell you - it really will start to get better!
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Houston Texas
Posts: 127
Stay strong, It will be better in the end. Withdrawal sucks no matter the drug, Alcohol, Pills etc. But it will pass I promise !!!! You will wake up one day and feel great and you will not be chained to those darn pills, You will have won !
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Join Date: Jul 2014
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Thanks a lot everyone, that really is encouraging advice and I have to admit I do feel a bit better after crying, and I find what brings it on most is kindness from others, partly because I feel like I don't deserve it and partly just cause it feels so awesome that some people really do care.
I managed to get in around 8 hours semi-broken sleep last night which was good, though I'm still exhausted as I write this at 8am. I've got a few things planned today so I'm really hoping I can get through them productively. As Eyesofastranger said, it's the mental part that's the hardest, so far my physical symptoms have been strong but manageable.
I managed to get in around 8 hours semi-broken sleep last night which was good, though I'm still exhausted as I write this at 8am. I've got a few things planned today so I'm really hoping I can get through them productively. As Eyesofastranger said, it's the mental part that's the hardest, so far my physical symptoms have been strong but manageable.
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 598
Originally Posted by Lostinhk
Thanks a lot everyone, that really is encouraging advice and I have to admit I do feel a bit better after crying, and I find what brings it on most is kindness from others, partly because I feel like I don't deserve it and partly just cause it feels so awesome that some people really do care.
You are doing great - keep it up! Yes, the urges, the cravings, "the voice" - evil! To be free of all that, when the day comes, shall be truly liberating!
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: HK
Posts: 331
You know Eyes, i was just in denial about it for so long. I first gave myself time in December to quit and I just ignored it. For the next 6 months I was just content, blissfully ignoring the situation until I really started thinking about what it's probably doing to my organs. I tried to cut down and as soon as I did my anxiety would go into overdrive, that's when I knew I had let it go way too far and the self loathing set in.
Thank you for your support, I can honestly say I've never really had problems with cravings, same as when I gave up cigs and cannibis (both 2 weeks before I gave up the pills), but it's just the knowing that these feelings could be improved a lot with an evil little pill that makes it hard, and makes me feel like a "junkie", so to speak, which just makes my self esteem plummet, though I know that so many incredible people before me have been through this same journey.
Thank you again, for a person living alone like me it's great to have a place to rant where people listen and offer encouragement.
Thank you for your support, I can honestly say I've never really had problems with cravings, same as when I gave up cigs and cannibis (both 2 weeks before I gave up the pills), but it's just the knowing that these feelings could be improved a lot with an evil little pill that makes it hard, and makes me feel like a "junkie", so to speak, which just makes my self esteem plummet, though I know that so many incredible people before me have been through this same journey.
Thank you again, for a person living alone like me it's great to have a place to rant where people listen and offer encouragement.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
I'm late to this but I wanted to offer my support lostinhk. Because codeine is so readily available things can get very pernicious.
My addictive background is with alcohol & pot but I think we all share a common experience and I understand a little of what you're going through.
Stick with it - you will feel better I promise
D
My addictive background is with alcohol & pot but I think we all share a common experience and I understand a little of what you're going through.
Stick with it - you will feel better I promise
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: HK
Posts: 331
You're right Dee... But it's even easier to get it here compared to 'Straya, and it's in triple the dose per pill here. I believe that's what really did me in when I moved here. Prior to that I hadn't touched a pill in 2 years since my back injury.
I will stick with it... I've resisted the pharmacy down the road at my worst, I even went there to get some Benadryl for sleep and as normal they asked me if I wanted my bottle of cods... I looked them straight in the eye and said no, and even chuckled for a moment even though I was feeling like death warmed up. They will never profit from me like that again.
I will stick with it... I've resisted the pharmacy down the road at my worst, I even went there to get some Benadryl for sleep and as normal they asked me if I wanted my bottle of cods... I looked them straight in the eye and said no, and even chuckled for a moment even though I was feeling like death warmed up. They will never profit from me like that again.
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: London
Posts: 5
Day 3 :-(
Hi, I'm new here and was wondering how you are getting on? I'm day 3 cold turkey to codine. I've just had to confess to my children as they were worried what was wrong! I am a 43 year old professional who initially had carpol tunnel which I started pain relief. I've been taking 400/600mg per day for the last 2 years. I noticed that days where I took less I felt like I had flu and felt like my muscles were too short! I feel so so sick, tummy ache, sweating, pain, sleepy, every muscle hurts :-( I just want to know that this will pass. I have codine in the drawer but am determined not to take them xx
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 106
Congrats on getting off the codeine! I am also 30 and was addicted to pain pills for 5 years. I have to say thats the hardest addiction I've ever gone through because I felt like I was "functioning" so well when I was taking pills. I would go to work, exercise, clean etc. I was so active. Ive been off for 5 weeks and I'm starting to feel normal but the depression is still there from time to time. Read about PAWS (post acute withdrawal syndrome) helped me understand the process of withdrawal after the initial w/d is over. Good luck!!
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