I want to die
 

My dad just came back looking like death. He wants to know my trigger and said I am usually a bright intelligent girl but I'm a raving idiot when I'm drunk.

I just want to die.

Actually, I suspect he and your mom and the brutal things they say are big triggers! I'm sure the therapist is beginning to learn that. Feel free to open up to the therapist; you are paying him to be on your side, to be your advocate and look out for what benefits you as a whole person.

Do bring this up with your therapist. :hug:

Oh my dad will be bringing it up.

He wants to see us both tomorrow morning and I'm terrified.

^^I second what others said above, Tetra, about therapy. Sooner rather than later. There is just so much going on in this whole construct and you clearly cannot sort it out by yourself. I would make this my number one priority!

Your therapist may be able to shed some light on things for your dad, your parents don't seem to grasp addiction, they want quick fixes talking about rehab etc

There's nothing to fear tomorrow, as already mentioned, the therapist is on your side!! :)

I'm so sorry Tetra. They may mean well, but they're very judgmental & obviously have no understanding of what you're going through. My parents were similar and it just made things worse for me. I'm really glad you're willing to talk these things over here. :hug:

Why is rehab a quick fix? It's not detox.

Rehab is not a quick fix, I was taking the view of it's a quick fix for Tetra's parents, not obviously Tetra, shipping her off to somewhere so they don't have to be stressed anymore about it.

It's an easy solution in their mind as they don't understand things, the therapist can only serve to improve things!!

Yesterday you had a good day with your friend. You were the same person then Tetra.

The one thing I think is vital for us in recovery is a sense of self, independent of what others might say do or think of us.

I understand your parents are worried and I understand that you feel guilty and responsible - but where your real responsibility lies right now IMO is learning to fix your problems yourself, not letting your parents fix you.

You're a bright capable intelligent woman Tetra. Your life and the decisions you make should reflect that :)

D

I just want to lie down and die.

Please help me

Don't do anything to harm yourself--if you do, the magnificent growth and blossoming that God has planned will never be able to take place. Anticipation is often worse than the actual event. You will not be the same after tomorrow: you will grow!

The therapist is an expert at moderating conversations so they don't get out of control. Remember, the therapist is rooting for you. He sees all sides. He doesn't see only gloom when he looks at you; he sees the brilliant potential within, and he will help you draw it out.

I have been through all this before. My addiction therapist and dad will be on one side and dad will cry and tell him how he feels and I will feel so guilty and won't be able to open my mouth. Only thing is, Sasha4 (I think) said to me last time, "you are a grownup, start sticking up for yourself".

You must open your mouth. Tell them you are paralyzed with the guilt and shame they make you feel (that is, if they do make you feel guilt and shame). Nobody is at their best and most capable when they are overloaded with heaps of guilt and shame.

Tetra if you're really feeling bad, you can talk to these people

1life Suicide Helpline
http://www.1life.ie/pics/logo.gif

Samaritans – 18 50 60 90 90

Suicide Prevention - Ireland | Dealing with Suicidal Thoughts

D

Tetra, I've been following your threads for quite a while. I'm glad you are going to therapy, starting AA again and involving your parents (Dad). But you've said you've done this before.

In my opinion, NOTHING is going to change until you leave your parent's home. Otherwise it's going to be the same thing, different day.

No, I am not that bad.

I admit I did phone the Samaritans once and they asked me if I was suicidal and I said no.

Sorry Tetra. It's pretty hard to interpret a statement like 'I want to die' on a message board like this.

Best wishes for the outcome you want tomorrow :)
D

Hope things get Better Tetra. Pretty much all has been said.

Not sure if you are sober, but I feel things are seen trough a magnifying glass.

Sounds like you have a lot of help lined up for you. Why not just let it all unfold and you just try to relax and see life for what it is, precious, short and not worth wasting it with addiction.

My prayers are with you

Thank you all xx