Thepatman

Keep us posted Tetra, we believe in you!

ScottFromWI

Make sure you tell your therapist about your concerns above. He will make sure you have your say. We have all been begging and pleading for you to stick up for yourself - this is your chance to do so.

Anna

Tetra, you are far more capable and intelligent than you know.

But, you have to step away from your parents, for awhile at least, so you can find out how great of a person you are.

You don't need to listen to negative things they say about you.

Goldcoastgirl

Why don't you write down what you want to say so that you have a script in front of you that you can follow when you go to see the therapist. Stick to the script and don't be thrown by people's emotions. This is about you and you alone. I find that when I am nervous or on edge if I have what I want to say in front of me it really helps. Good luck with the therapist and let us know how you go.

Jeni26

I hope all goes well Tetra. My feelings are that your parents need support too otherwise this cycle is likely to continue. I wonder if they would be willing to go to Al-Anon where they could begin to learn how to look after themselves and their own anxieties. At the moment they are just projecting them into you.

Family dynamics are hard to change until one or both of you are willing to step away from what is familiar and learn to let go a little. At the moment you write more about them than you do anything else. Really...they seem a bigger issue than your alcoholism to you.

I hope your therapist can begin to work with you all on this.

My thoughts are with you today x

MythOfSisyphus

I know your parents love you but they're way over the line! You need to create a little space for yourself. They probably think they're helping you but they're not.

LadyinBC

Totally agree with this, sometimes we have to detach ourselves from people because it isn't really healthy for us.

Okay you relapsed, however, making you feel guilty, shameful is really not serving any purpose in your recovery.

Part of recovery is learning and we do make mistakes along the way. We learn from them. Early sobriety makes a lot of us very vulnerable. New feelings and having to find new ways to cope with them. And we need to build up our self esteem and confidence.

Post here all you need to, we are here for you.

Spinach

Tetra, your parents are lost and frightened they are of a different age and they don't seem to be handling you living and drinking at home , and I don't blame them for being at there wits end . Many of us had overbearing parents and most of us moved away and stayed away and years later dealt with the drinking.
Your situation is different from most but the bottom line is you have to stop the drinking and as we all know it's difficult but as many know it can be done some alone some with lots of help .
You want to die but reject suicide , you want to stay at home but can't bear the overbearing prescence of your parents in there home, you want freedom .
Freedom starts with you stopping drinking, not as an idea but as a fact a plan. By allowing yourself to fail so hopelessly at home you are forcing the hand of your parents who still remember that helpless baby , and unconditional love that is being forced into an area they are clearly as lost as you and it really does stop them from allowing you to grow and evolve.
Having separate family and addiction counsellor you really are in a position to play one against them all whatever your alcoholic self sees a hole or a way to exploit you to get to the next drink and binge.
It's time for a new dawn and new hope for all but most importantly it's time for you to take hold of your life .
John.

lunar

Tetra, your first step is for you to want to stop drinking.
For yourself, no-one else, including your folks.

Gilmer

I'll be praying for strength for you today, Tetra!

Croissant

See the difference in the above two statements, Tetra? Both are about the same person - you.

You are 33, not a girl - a woman. Dee stated exactly what I thought - you are NOT a girl, not a child, that accidentally had a party while her parents were away.

Own your life. Own all of it and claim it as your own.

Tetra

Well that was not easy. My dad did cry a bit.

My therapist called it a "blip" and said I am great to be back on track so soon.

He thinks my trigger was being home all alone with nothing to do. He is putting real pressure on me to get a job, even offering my services for free for a while. I have been looking for work for a while now.

There was no mention of rehab today, don't know why really.

Gilmer

That is great, Tetra! Whereas your parents think you're a hopeless case and a real screwup, the professional thinks you had a mere blip and are doing extremely well!

A job or some volunteer work would be excellent for you. Being around other people is very interesting. You are extremely nice; people would be glad to interact with you. You could brighten people's day--and in the process, find joy yourself!

And you'd be too occupied to sit around and drink

Fandy

You should want to get a job for yourself and your self sufficiency. No one should have to "pressure" you to earn a living and be an adult. being home alone all day with no job or no volunteer work would be like being in prison (to me).

If you want to know the answer to some like "why there was no mention of rehab"? ASK the people in the room. If you begin to act like an adult, your parents may realize that it is time to treat you like one.

You are the same age as my daughter, I think that she has her own issues, but if I ever attempted to control her as you state about your parents...she would probably take out a restraining order against me. She has not lived with me since she finished school.

Gilmer

Are you in a "class" here, Tetra? If you had 8 months sober before relapsing in July, you could join the "Class of November 2013." (I'm in that class, too, and will celebrate my 8 months tomorrow! )

You could join the Class of July 2014 with those who are currently fighting to stay sober on a day-to-day basis.

Or you could join any class that suits your fancy!

There is the 24 hour accountability thread, and the "One Year and Under" thread. Many of these are lively and really get you out of your own head. They can even give you a laugh!

Tetra

I do want to get a job and I have been going to interviews.

I have not volunteered my services for free however.

Gilmer

Make sure you have a good cover letter and resume! Have a professional review it so you can get your foot in the door of consideration.

sugarbear1

volunteering helps you fill your resume and will get you a reference or two, plus you will feel useful everyday!

Dee74

I'm glad your counsellor sees it as a blip cos thats what it was IMO.

I think a job would be great for you - and volunteering was an incredibly beneficial experience for me too. I didn't look at it as giving my services away for free, I saw it as helping others, and helping me feel better about myself.

It looks good on a CV too

D

Tetra

Oh I have done voluntary work with meals on wheels.

My therapist was talking about going into a shop or wherever and offering to work for free. To learn how to use the till etc etc