Arbor

One of the hardest things for me right now is staying sober and being happy about it. Otherwise what's the point right?

I went to a family social event Saturday. I was the only one that wasn't drinking. No one asked or even noticed but I cared. I was very uncomfortable. Anxiety was high. But I stuck with it and pulled through. Was glad the next morning for sure. I know most would say to avoid these situations early on but I can't. I'm very, very close with my family. I spend more time with them than anyone else. They all drink. Some I think too much but that's not for me to say.

How the heck do I deal with this discomfort moving on? Will it get easier and will I eventually be happy about it? Im almost to the point where I might see my primary care doctor because my negativity, anger, and depression are high right now.

doggonecarl

Negativity, anger, depression. The three-legged stool of relapse if you aren't careful.

I don't know why you aren't happy being sober. The blanket question usually asked is, "What are you doing for your recovery besides abstaining from alcohol?"

Myself, I was so sick of being a slave to alcohol that every day I was sober was a blessing. Yes, I struggled, and I had to learn to cope with life without running to alcohol the second something upset me. But unhappy being sober? No. Never.

LBrain

I know exactly what you must endure when everyone in the family is drinking but me (and wife).
Especially when I was the ringleader all those years. Just keep doing what you must to not drink. Work on getting your mind in a better condition. Maybe see a therapist.
And try to find some sober people to hang out with if you can.

theupsides92

Some nights are definitely worse than others. I can recall a few in recent weeks where I was the only one not drinking too and it definitely felt strange and made me a little anxious. I'm glad that your family isn't constantly questioning you as to why you aren't drinking though, hopefully that makes it a little easier for you.

PurpleKnight

Is it possibly just feeling strange as it's different, or do you believe that a drink would in some way improve your evening? there's nothing wrong in feeling like a fish out of water, as any new situation can take some adjusted to.

But I really needed to accept and hammer home in my mind that drinking is not something that will be enjoyable, the 1st drink would spiral, the romanticism and nostalgia of alcohol was all false.

Arbor

I'm still new at this recovery thing so I suppose this is why I feel the way I do. Happy that I pushed through Saturday but hope it gets easier with time.

LBrain

It will get easier. Keep the faith and don't drink.

least

Yes, it will get easier with the passage of time. Stay sober, no matter what.

Dee74

It will get better - but if you keep going to things were you're the only one not drinking, I think you can expect to feel miserable for a while.

I stayed away from all those kinds of drinking events for a while...I wasn't a hermit but I made sure I was doing things that didn't rely on alcohol.

I needed clear distance between the old me and my old life and the person I wanted to be and the life I wanted to build.

D

Anna

It will get easier.

But, if it causes you anxiety and upset, at this point, to be around people who are drinking, maybe you can cut back on family obligations for awhile. It might give you a chance to find some new activities.

Arbor

This is what I keep telling myself. I know me. I know I'll be miserable after choosing to drink. But gosh darn that romance in my head! I won't let it win. Feeling all so good this week.

SoberJohnny

On the contrary, I think that avoiding these events would probably do more harm than good. I think it all boils down to your attitude. If you think you're going to have a terrible time, then you know you will. When I first quit, I was leery on going to parties, sporting events, concerts, etc. without drinking.. but I did so - and if someone asked me why I wasn't drinking I'd usually say I was driving - and I honestly really enjoyed myself. It's really not that bad.. you just have to have the right attitude, ya know?

Of course.. if you feel you 100% can't go to an event without drinking.. then in this case I would say to avoid it. But you're going to have to go to these things sooner or later.. and once you do go with the correct attitude and you realize it can be authentically fun.. then you'll wonder why you haven't been doing it more often. This is what happened in my case, anyway!

Arbor

That's very true Johnny. Very true. I have to be real careful with negativity. Real careful. Sometimes it can carry into the next day which is real dangerous for me. I need to find ways to snap out of it when I feel it on the rise. Hard when in a group social situation sometimes.

walkbeformakrun

This was true for me when I went to a recent event where I knew everyone else would have a drink of beer or wine in their hand. I was all afraid to go and be a spectacle.

I was right about everyone drinking alcohol. I was wrong about being a spectacle. No one seemed to notice I was drinking water. I just think my life choices are more interesting than they did, lol. And beat this, they were all talking about themselves too! Shocking, right?!?

Anyway, it was a relief to me that on this and other occasions, other people don't see to care or even notice that I'm not drinking.

Hevyn

Hi Arbor. It's good you want to discuss this. You're never alone with these thoughts, we've all been through it.

I definitely felt like an alien in early recovery. I was also a bit resentful. I had leaned on alcohol to see me through for decades. Each time I made it over a hurdle I gained strength & felt encouraged. It got much easier as I proved to myself I didn't need it as a crutch anymore. (Who knew?) Now, I rarely think about it - the thing I once couldn't live without.

DopieDopeMan

I had an experience yesterday that might help you. I went to my local bar, I played a game of pool with a friend but didnt drink anything except pepsi. I used to practically live there every day during my time at University and a couple of years after I finished. What I did notice yesterday was how sad everyone in the bar looked, especially in the mid-afternoon which is when I used to usually go in. Such a gloomy, sad old dirty dump for people waiting to die. I used to love going there as if I was some hellraiser. Im not a hellraiser, I just drink too much...there's a difference and I see that now. All I saw was a bunch of people living on nostalgia and wondering what the hell happened.

Many of these social events were really not as cool as I seem to remember, I was just a fat unhygienic drunk at the end of the bar who everyone felt sorry for.

In your case though, seeing your family and spending time with them is the most important thing. I guarantee one thing though, you'll feel better in the morning every time. I dont have much sober time right now, but ive gone for a few months sober before so I have some idea what im talking about I guess. Seeing my family and being there with them socially was more important than just going to drink with them, its important to make that distinction.