Serving alcohol at your place
 

I hosted a big lunch at our place over the weekend and didn't serve any alcohol. Most people didn't mind, but a couple asked for a beer. Also, my close relative questioned why I didn't offer alcohol and said "it's just not right entertaining without it". Since it was lunchtime I didn't think it would be a problem. I still don't. Everybody had a good time and the meal was great even if I say so myself. Bonus: I didn't have to worry about sneaking booze beforehand and wait to load up when everyone was gone.

I will be hosting dinner for some friends next weekend and plan to serve wine with it. I feel confident that I won't be tempted to drink and decided to dump whatever's left after the guests leave.

I feel fine not drinking when being out, but handling it at my place is still new territory, especially when I'm inviting people over and want to be a good host. How do you do parties at your place? Any tips, suggestions, or warnings?..

Honestly, I wouldn't provide alcohol at my house. No need to add temptation to the mix.

I would let my guests bring their own if they wanted it and have them take it home when they leave.

It is your home and it's okay to have any kind of party without providing alcohol.

I would be very careful. Every couple of weeks I go over to the next town, to have lunch with my Dad at a local restaurant there. He has a couple of beers, but I never do as I have 3 buses to get back home and didn't want to be stinking of alcohol at mid-day on the journey.
Past couple of times though, I've had a 'few' (to say the least) as soon as I got home :(
I'm on day 16 again and meeting him tomorrow for lunch and am aware that the 'urge' might appear, so I'm changing my routine and going to visit friends afterwards.

All i'm saying is - be careful - it's easy to cope without at the time, but when the stress is over, you might drop your guard andd have a few dangerous moments :)

Good luck with it though - you can do it!!

Send the leftover wine home with best friends or people that complimented it.

I don't see if you put food on, you necessarily have to serve alcohol at a lunch. In fact, I would think most people would bring their own booze if you were catering. Maybe it's culturally different here, but I think most here would take their own booze along to a lunch.

Dinner party is a bit different and I have some wine at hand, but again, I still think people should bring a bottle of wine as a gesture, so really I wouldn't be over catering on the wine.

I do BYOB. I have made it clear that I've had a drinking problem--most people are find with not drinking at our place at all. Those who aren't can bring their own--and do!

I have a dry house because it is MY house. I worry about my sobriety first and being a good host second

I don't know where you are in your Recovery Program, but I would suggest being very very careful with this.

When I was a newcomer, before I had completed the 12 steps with my sponsor, I had no defense against the first drink, so no way was alcohol allowed in my home, nor was I around it.... Ever!!

Even up to 2 years sober, well after working and applying the Steps in my life, I didn't have any alcohol in my home at all. It was something that I had heard at AA meetings that helped me to stick to that decision.

My Home, My Rule :) And that worked well for me.

Today, after being in Recovery for many years, I have no problem with Alcohol being in my home, I do not supply it, my guests are welcome to bring it... but my guests will take it with them when they leave.

I haven't hosted any get togethers at my place but i think a BYOB policy is a good one when entertaining normie friends. Also, if you plan on supplying wine, how about sending one of the guests home with the remains?

my boyfriend drinks. when he comes to my place he brings his own beers and takes home anything left over.

i wouldn't put myself in the position of buying booze, even if it's for guests. being back down that aisle at the supermarket, reading labels to choose the right bottle - i couldn't handle that, i don't think.

let your guests know it's BYOB. that's my advice.

I used to hold big gatherings and make awesome vats of sangria, host an open bar, mix up great big bowls of mixed, potent beverages.

These days, those days are gone.

I will have a couple beers on hand if I'm having company who I know enjoys a beer with dinner or whatever, but I'm no longer interested in catering to people's drinking problems.

My lady drinks from time to time, but never more than a beer or two. She has never really sought to drink and more often than not prefers not to. So, sometimes I'll have a beer on hand in case she'd like one.

My sponsor once told me "I can pour it, serve it, have it in the house, sit next to it... hell I can wash my hair with the stuff it I want to, I'm just not going to drink it". His wife of 35+ years drinks occasionally and moderately. He's been sober over 26 years.

All of that said - I completely stayed away from having it around or serving it at my place for several months, and I rarely do now. More and more, I look around me and wonder "why the hell does ANYONE do this"? More and more, I'd rather be an influence in the world that helps share the idea and the experience of Joy without Toxins....

:)

I like “MY HOME- MY RULES.”
Over the years I’ve heard too many stories from people with 5+ years sobriety talk about drinking with no thought or desire to drink. It came out suddenly out of the blue!
We need to remember that alcohol is POWERFUL, CUNNING AND INSIDIOUS and will strike with no apparent warning.

BE WELL

I had a friend yrs. ago who had 30+ sober and kept a fully stocked bar in his home for social and business get-togethers. One of the most compassionate men I ever met in regards to helping others. Dick S. from Central Group in Johnson City TN. Everyone is different. Be true to you. Myself, I can be around alcohol all day and have it in my fridge (actually did til S/O quit 21 days ago) but I cannot handle being around drunks.

I like "my home - my rules" and BYOB too! Time for some new rules. Since I'm providing everything else, BYOB seems perfectly reasonable. Especially since people often ask what they can bring. It never occurred to me to send wine with people back, haha. But that's perfectly reasonable too! I am also excited to provide some other non-alcoholic fun drinks. Whoever shared this link (Fizzy, non-alcoholic drink recipes: 20+ appetizing drink recipes.) has many thanks from me!

Thought aside. You know how as a person with a problem you notice everyone else's drinking habits? I am pretty convinced one of my friends has a problem too and I'm thinking how and when I want to talk with her about my experience, maybe this will help her...

Thank you so much for your responses. It is SO helpful getting it out there.

I am still very new to sobriety (day 19) but my resolve is firm. At this point I am not worried about getting complacent, I'm still in the stage where recovery occupies a lot of my mental resources. I also read many cautionary tales of people relapsing after prolonged sobriety and pray we all continue to stay mindful.

If anything, I am more worried about my husband who is not convinced in full sobriety yet (he also has a drinking problem, although it manifests differently than mine did). I worry he will feel like he won't be having fun if he won't be drinking. If he does drink... I need to talk to him about this dinner and have a plan for either case...

If you are okay with people drinking tell them BYOB and take it with you.

I tell people I do not have alcohol in my house. If they want to have a beer to bring it. And don't leave it here. My people are very supportive of my situation and even watch out for me in public places.

BYOB - and take leftovers home when you leave is my policy. If you leave it I"m going to dump it out ;-)

I think BYOB is reasonable. :) They can take it home with them and that's that. :)

I live on my own, so there has been no alcohol at my place since I got Sober, if people come over then as others have said they know there will be no beer in the fridge so bring your own.

I now don't have a problem with people drinking at mine, but anything left over goes down the sink!! :)

This is a little game I play in these scenarios: substitute marijuana for booze and imagine you've given pot up but your guests still enjoy it. In this case would you supply some marijuana for the party? Likely not.

I agree with the other posters, make it BYOB, or just leave it off the menu. I get really tempted when we have BBQs with beer at my place!

Got through it just fine, thank you everyone again for your helpful posts! There was that awkward moment of cleaning up half-finished wine glasses (still baffles me how people do that!) but my husband polished those off. :31: Otherwise, I'd dump them. I wish my husband was on the same page with me, but at least he isn't interfering with my sobriety, and I have to do this for myself. From my own experience, if I were pushed to quit I'd just resent it.

So alcohol off the menu or BYOB from now on, definitely doable! :)
:duck