Aarryckha

The lovely thing about addiction; it's not one size fits all.

You've got lots of folks here to support you. We may not all see things the same but we all want the same thing.

If there is something that you read that you don't agree with, that's okay.

You have to live with you so find what makes sense to you.

We'll help.

Tetra

Were you abusing your pain meds?

silentrun

You need to be very selfish right now and only think of what is going to keep you sober. If they are heading for a fall then that is what will happen. You will have strength for only you. Concentrate on the people you connect with and try to tune out everything else.

wpainterw

I really don't care if you call me sober or addicted. I had a terrible problem with alcohol for forty years and have not had a drink for nearly 26 years. I trust my doctor and take the prescriptions he gives me in the amounts he prescribes and I never "shop around" as it is called. I recently had an aortic valve replacement and was in the hospital and cardiac rehabilitation for four weeks as a result of a bladder infection, in severe pain (around a 9 1/2) some of the time, chewing on a towel to keep from screaming. I was prescribed oxycodone or whatever it's called for the pain and I often refused it. When they discharged me I refused to take the unused oxycodone pills with me. Am I sober? Am I an "addict"? A "hypocrite"? You can call me any names you want. I don't care. These twenty six years with no alcohol have been the happiest years of my life. I consider that I am free now from a curse which has shadowed me since I was 20 years old and I am now 87. I'll keep posting on this site because, even if I'm not honest with myself, am hypocritical or in denial as you say, I honestly believe that there are thousands of others on this site for whom such terms are inappropriate.If I have something more to learn I can learn from them.

W.

FeelingGreat

I'm an alcoholic. What are benzos? Seriously.

Aarryckha

Benzodiazepines Drug Class Information on RxList.com

hokey

I really need to focus on my own recovery and not obsess about other people or their stories. I have found everything here aside from posts that blatantly break the rules as stated in the "Forum Rules" section. (Such as this rule ... #1 ... Tolerance: Please respect the rights of others to hold beliefs and perspectives, which differ from yours.)
I have the choice to read them or not, to dwell on them or not, to act on them or not. That is all I have in my control. This forum has helped me in ways that I cannot begin to describe to anyone outside this circle ... it has helped to save my life.

Hereandnow2

W you are an inspiration to me, 26 years?! Wow! In terms if the benzos and alcoholics. I agree with you to a point and if course it's based in my personal exp. I abused alcohol pain pills, and zanex. When I quite drinking at first I took one zanex and realized I was replacing on thing for another thing. I got rid of them. There is no way I could keep them and not abuse them. I do think that an alcoholic could potentially take a benzo responsibly but it would prob fairly risky. I'm only on day 41 but I'm trying to focus on my sobriety no one else's. I was at a aa meeting recently and a alcoholic there was talking about all the narcotics she takes and couldn't help but think the same thing!

DragonInTheSky

Another realization for me is that the thread I read that sparked me to post this one is triggering the addict in me. It's making me want to run to my doctor and try to get a prescription for benzos so I have something to fall back on. That addicted part of me is saying, "Hey, look at all the other people that are addicts and taking them. They're doing okay. Why can't you?" When I know that if I take just one I will be on the addiction roller coaster once again. There seem to be tons of people on this forum like this, but I am not, and I think most serious addicts who are honest with themselves aren't either. If I want to stay strong here I must keep away from these kind of posts, as they only trigger that inner beast that makes me want to run out and use again.

MythOfSisyphus

Up until Oct 2012 I was a three-bottle-of-wine per day drunk. But I have to confess I don't know what a benzo is. The name reminds me of Mentos! Not to make light of this, just quit with AVRT and haven't done any drug since then save aspirin or what not. I was never a big drug guy in the first place.

hokey

I found the same reaction to reading relapse posts when I first sobered up. They triggered me ... "everyone else does it, so I probably will too, so I might as well drink" that kind of logic. I look at them differently now, they actually solidify my sobriety because they keep it very real for me how close I can be to a relapse ... I am only one drink away from that. They help now instead of triggering. Some days I have to be very selective about which posts I read ... it's the nature of my alcoholism.

digdug

Hey Dragon,

You say you've been through the ringer, including lots of meetings. So I know you're aware of the dangers of taking others' inventories. It leads to resentment, which, in turn, leads us one step closer to picking up.

You've got 3 days sober. That's a good foundation to build on. So I simply suggest you focus on keeping your side of the street clean, instead of focusing on that of your neighbors.

Best of luck.

DragonInTheSky

Myth...Aarry posted a link to a site with information about them. Benzos...mentos. Same difference! lol

And Tetra...Absolutely I abused my pain meds. Opiates are my drug of choice. When I have them I abuse them. I have another thread on here I titled "I don't know how to stop" that explains my story a little bit more if you're interested.

DragonInTheSky

digdug...Good advice, but that sure is tricky in forums like this.

Aarryckha

And Dragon, I realize I haven't said this yet....


Congrats on Day 3!

I applaud you for also identifying those things that are triggers for you and steering clear. That's pretty big, IMO.

Dee74

I agree with the other posters here who suggest focusing on your own recovery DITS.

It's a big hard and slippery enough job to manage without getting fired up by other causes.

As for meds, share your experience by all means but under our rules noone should be suggesting anything, positively or negatively, for someone else's circumstances.

If you find a thread triggers you - if all else fails use the ignore function - you may find it helps

D

Hereandnow2

We both know what we would be after if we got a script. Like you said it would start over. I see what ur saying. Sometimes I feel that way with people who continually relapse. "Well if they're doing it, why not me". I think maybe these posts won't be as irritating later on in your sobriety. I was super irritable in the first couple weeks.

Nuudawn

Well done. You figured out what was truly eatin' at ya. I think that's marvelous. I seem to be going through an awkward, sensitive and easily irritated phase of my own sobriety past few days. I've been struggling with some fatigue issues this week...know that's part of it.

I don't take benzo's...and really wasn't "tuned in" to many that do. I understand feeling fears or triggers. I immediately had to stop reading a post only a few lines in the other day as it concerned moderation. They were just not thoughts I want to entertain at this juncture.

Sometimes we have to step away from the computer a bit. I've had to as I know I'm dealing with some negative stuff right now...and I just don't want it to ooze on over into this. Judgement is something triggering me right now...my own..and that I see in others when talking bout other folks in recovery..that we agree or don't agree with.

It's under my skin right now...and it's festering a bit. Thanks for allowing me to get a little of that out ..in this thread. Appreciated.

hopeful4

I understand. My X had a serious reaction mixing benzos with booze. Very scary. Of course most alcoholics dont tell ol doc they are drinking. I was prescribed a benzo for panic attacks. I was surprised, they did not even ask me if i drink. Terrible negligence if you ask me. I switched doctors immediately. I dont drink and am educated about that issue. However, what if they prescribe me something in the future i dont know about? No thanks.

I can only say that just like any group of people, some you will agree with, not others. Take what helps and leave the rest, its out of your control.

DragonInTheSky

Oh man, do I relate to that. I was in a terrible relationship with an alcoholic/addict. He loved to mix Xanax and booze. He was worse than me with drinking, and believe me that's saying a lot. He liked to pop Xanax while he was drinking secretly, but the thing was that I always knew whenever he had taken even just a little because his whole demeanor changed. One night at a restaurant/bar we were eating at, he got so messed up I had to go outside with him and sit next to him while he threw up on the sidewalk and mumbled incoherently. He also always went into a blackout whenever he did this, so he would never remember any of the terrible things he did while he was f*cked up. That night we had to sleep in his car on the side of the road because I was also too drunk to drive home. Safe to say it was a God awful night, and is one of the many reasons why benzos in particular raise a huge red flag for me. They're so scary, especially when mixed with booze or other drugs. To me they're just not worth the risk.