Flashbacks of stupidity
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: wherever my feet take me
Posts: 1,314
Flashbacks of stupidity
Today is day 3 for me. Last night was absolutely horrible. I tossed and turned all night my brain was in overdrive. I had a movie running in my brain of all stupid and messed up things I have done in my life memories way back to HS that I hadnt remembered in years. It sent me into a total state of panic and anxiety. I am nervous and jumpy. Have that feeling you get when you know you are in big trouble or about to have an accident, that sick feeling you get in the pit of your stomach. I had no cravings the first 2 day's which surprised me, but making up for it today. The anxiety is not even rational because all is past, cant go back cant be changed. I am trying not to hang in.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,229
We are always learning something alone
the way in our recovery journey. Continue
to add something new you've learned as
you begin to build a strong solid foundation
in recovery to live upon each day you don't
drink.
Listen.....Learn....Absorb....Apply
There are so many who have learned
how not to drink or use each day that
passes. They are paving the path for us
to follow. So hang on, hold on tightly
and these folks will carry you along the
way till you are strong enough to stand
on ur own in all areas of your life.
the way in our recovery journey. Continue
to add something new you've learned as
you begin to build a strong solid foundation
in recovery to live upon each day you don't
drink.
Listen.....Learn....Absorb....Apply
There are so many who have learned
how not to drink or use each day that
passes. They are paving the path for us
to follow. So hang on, hold on tightly
and these folks will carry you along the
way till you are strong enough to stand
on ur own in all areas of your life.
Not Alone
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: South East UK
Posts: 1,513
I found that I had using dreams/flashbacks for a long time when I stopped using. They really bothered me at first but then I took them for what they were....dreams. Nothing more than subconscious memories. Congrats on your 3rd day
Natom
Natom
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Boise Idaho
Posts: 76
Hang in there. I am on day 7, and I can tell you that those feelings of panic and anxiety definitely start to fade after the first few days. Try and use those feelings and memories to your advantage. Let them be a reminder of why it is your are doing this. I can say for myself, I have been doing a lot of writing. There are a lot of feelings and emotions that I have tamped down over the years with alcohol, and it can feel confusing and overwhelming. Don't let yourself get bogged down by what you have done in the past. It can't be changed, and it can't be undone. But you can learn from it. We are all here rooting for you.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
I don't have a quick or an easy remedy for you, Change4life. The experiences you describe plagued me for much of my life, and haunted me all through sobriety. Before I ever drank, after I started drinking, and for periods during long-term sobriety, I couldn't escape myself. When I suffered my first of many episodes of major depression, at about twelve years sober, I was trapped in my past, every night. I've had severe and chronic insomnia since four years of age and, when untreated, I suffer in the same ways that you've described.
I would see both a doctor and also a therapist, if only to get you through what I know is a very difficult experience that may or may not linger. I also learned that by living a better, sober life, these living nightmares lost both their power and their frequency.
I would see both a doctor and also a therapist, if only to get you through what I know is a very difficult experience that may or may not linger. I also learned that by living a better, sober life, these living nightmares lost both their power and their frequency.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,511
Yes, that sounds like Day 3 alright! I went through it too - jumped right out of bed & started pacing a few times.
The good news is that you'll come through this and the anxiety will lessen. Try not to dwell on things you did when under the influence - that is not who you are. There's a brighter day coming Change4Life.
The good news is that you'll come through this and the anxiety will lessen. Try not to dwell on things you did when under the influence - that is not who you are. There's a brighter day coming Change4Life.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Change4life, have you always had this kind of problem, also before drinking? Is it just now in withdrawal, or you think it's something you are prone to by default? If the latter (you tend to struggle with such states regardless of drinking or withdrawal), I will have a story for you but don't want to waste everyone's time uselessly. Let me know.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Here is what I have to say in case it's withdrawal effect.
Guilt, anxiety, insomnia... It's quite likely to go away after a while. I've heard similar things from others during the initial couple months after quitting alcohol, and also after quitting marijuana. I believe this is due to our brain processes adjusting, including lots of memory processes and what is known as neuroplasticity. People often describe many long-forgotten old memories suddenly hitting them in crazy combinations ... that’s classic neuroplasticity changes. These two drugs (alcohol and pot) are famous for being used to self-medicate anxiety and especially in my experience with pot users (I do research on this drug), many of them don't even seem to be aware of why they like the drug in the first place. So again, if this state is substance-related for you, my best advice is to be patient and if it's really unbearable, see a doctor and/or therapist, like EndGame suggested.
Guilt, anxiety, insomnia... It's quite likely to go away after a while. I've heard similar things from others during the initial couple months after quitting alcohol, and also after quitting marijuana. I believe this is due to our brain processes adjusting, including lots of memory processes and what is known as neuroplasticity. People often describe many long-forgotten old memories suddenly hitting them in crazy combinations ... that’s classic neuroplasticity changes. These two drugs (alcohol and pot) are famous for being used to self-medicate anxiety and especially in my experience with pot users (I do research on this drug), many of them don't even seem to be aware of why they like the drug in the first place. So again, if this state is substance-related for you, my best advice is to be patient and if it's really unbearable, see a doctor and/or therapist, like EndGame suggested.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 596
Give yourself a little more time, the fog of alcohol will be lifted (might be a couple more weeks) and these painful flashbacks/memories will become more and more infrequent. You can't change what happened already, only what happens going forward. Day 3 you are still pretty raw (but congrats on it!), you will feel better if you keep abstaining
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Wales, UK
Posts: 13
Originally Posted by Change4life 
Today is day 3 for me. Last night was absolutely horrible. I tossed and turned all night my brain was in overdrive. I had a movie running in my brain of all stupid and messed up things I have done in my life memories way back to HS that I hadnt remembered in years. It sent me into a total state of panic and anxiety. I am nervous and jumpy. Have that feeling you get when you know you are in big trouble or about to have an accident, that sick feeling you get in the pit of your stomach. I had no cravings the first 2 day's which surprised me, but making up for it today. The anxiety is not even rational because all is past, cant go back cant be changed. I am trying not to hang in.
You're doing great, keep it up mate!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
Change4Life, I have been struggling quite a bit with rumination and the bad/embarassing things I did while drunk. There are so many cringe-worthy moments I wish I could take back. I lose sleep over it. Often can't stay asleep more than few hours because of nightmares. My last detox session I went to the ER to get a benzo. Still didn't help.
Things are not as bad as they seem, but the brain can play tricks on you.
Things are not as bad as they seem, but the brain can play tricks on you.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Hi iam2antsy,
Good to see you, any change recently? I responded to you on your last thread where you asked about therapy...
If these feelings and states seem to be a common issue shared by a few people or many, I'll post that "story" I mentioned above here - it's quite a story and one of my most profound experiences ever. I'm not the main character in it but someone I know and used to be very close to, he had these exact same problems, drinking or not. I just need some time to write it up, maybe tomorrow. We did something with him that helped him tremendously... anyhow, later if you guys want to hear, I need to work
Good to see you, any change recently? I responded to you on your last thread where you asked about therapy...
If these feelings and states seem to be a common issue shared by a few people or many, I'll post that "story" I mentioned above here - it's quite a story and one of my most profound experiences ever. I'm not the main character in it but someone I know and used to be very close to, he had these exact same problems, drinking or not. I just need some time to write it up, maybe tomorrow. We did something with him that helped him tremendously... anyhow, later if you guys want to hear, I need to work
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