Nat1966

Hi,

Let me start by saying I'm not sure if it's ok for me to post here but I need help understanding someone. Thanks in advance for any help

I started getting to know a guy about 5 months ago. He told me he was a recovering alcoholic. What I didn't know is that he really hadn't stopped drinking. He's had relapses in the last 4 yrs. Anyway we talked about it and he's been sober since the third week of May. He's going to multiple meetings a week and stays in touch with his sponsor.

Things have been good between us, although I've noticed he gets overwhelmed more easily. He took his teenage kids away on vacation on Thursday and we were staying in touch like we normally would - we usually touch base every day. Today there was no communication with the exception of kind of "talk to the hand" email. It was brief. I felt blown off.

Is this normal? To pull away emotionally 7 weeks into sobriety? Any insight would be really appreciated. It's clear he doesn't want me to contact him.

Thanks.

Nat

DisplacedGRITS

Early sobriety is a wild time. Emotions run the gambit from full of hope and enthusiasm to crushing depression and hopelessness. This can be very rapid, even over the course of a single day. I think that your fella is in the grips of early sobriety. If he's not pulling away from his sober community, i wouldn't worry too much. I often find that i cannot talk to my amazingly understanding and loving husband of 9 and a half years but i can talk to a sober alcoholic i've know for about 5 minutes about the same thing. I connect with sober alcoholics on a different level than i connect to my husband on. He is not my sober buddy. He's my husband who enjoys life with me on all levels. I find that if i'm doing an AA activity, it often doesn't involve him. He's always invited and i'm usually pretty thrilled when he joins but he's my husband, not my sponsor or AA buddy.

If your guy's needing some emotional distance right now, i say give it to him. Just let him know that you're there for him when he's ready and that his friends in AA are always there for him in ways you can't be.

Edit: I want to clarify my last sentence as I read it and realized that it could come off in an exclusive way. It's not that people in my life who aren't my sober alcoholics are lacking in any way in our relationships. There's just this odd comradery thing that exists between sober alcoholics, especially those in AA. I like the analogy that we are like the survivors of a ship wreck who band together in the aftermath of the tragedy having survived it. It's just a different relationship.

IOAA2

hi. My suggestion for you even if he never drinks again is to read and ask questions in the Friends and Family Forum on this site and attend Alanon meetings for face to face help. Continued reading on this site would also help understanding of the disease.

BE WELL

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum!!

The body has to adjust to not having what it has always had, this means emotionally and mentally as well as physically, everything needs to level out but it will take time.