Hardest thing Ive had to do
 

Getting sober isn't easy. To make matters worse, I am trying to confront some issues that have troubled me for a long time. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. It's like a double whammy. It's difficult for me to decipher which part is just the adversity of getting sober, and real life. A couple of times I've almost made a break for it to go drink. I've managed to stay sober. I just needed to vent. I can't really open up in AA here locally.

I am only 5 days in and I agree it's really hard but I am sure it will be worth it in the end,,facing things with a sober brain and confronting stuff I've ignored while drunk has been really hard ,,,I think I have been numbed to everything for so long I forgot how to sort out problems head on ,,,for so long you feel nothing no love hate anger nothing then it all hits like a sledgehammer ,,,good look keep going..

Mirage, I have had some dark things in my past. I'm confident you will be able to make sense of your life with time.

Get comfortable in sobriety and tackle these issues a little at a time. Once you are able to process thoughts clearly it is a lot easier. In the meantime, try to enjoy today!

I don't know how much sober time you have, but it takes several months to be able to think clearly and it takes much longer than that to work through a lifetime worth of thinking problems. Give yourself a little break here - progress, not perfection.

Time takes time.

Thanks again bimini, you're posts have helped a lot. 25 days, things are just getting nuts

That's why we're here. 24/7/365 support. Good job on not going drinking.

Hang in there. I'm on day 6 and every day I'm fighting my urges. The people I see at AA and the hope I see on this board gives me the strength and determination to keep going on this path.

Mirage, I agree with you completely, it's the hardest thing I've ever done.

And, like you, I had issues that I needed to confront and had no idea how I would manage, but I got through it. You can too, and it's definitely worth it.

Keep pushing through Mirage!! you can do this!! :)

OH, honey. 25 days. Please don't try to work through all the 12 Steps right now. That's some intense stuff, really.

First things first. If it's summer where you are, find a river/stream/lake/pool. Go have some fun.

The problems I had with people were a perception problem.

I created a whole tempest in a teapot in that eight inches between my ears. Those people at whom I was angry or frustrated? They weren't losing any sleep over me.

I did it to myself. It was in my head. I had to ask God to remove my twisted thinking.

The best way to get out of my head is to be of service to someone else. If you have gotten anything out of my posts, I am so grateful to have been of service. Thank you.

also, ice cream. Because ice cream.

Just prioritize taking care of yourself! You are early into this and your AV is in full effect right now. It does get easier. If you can just focus on having fun, relaxing, eating, sleeping, reaching out and spending time with people who support you. The less you take on right now the better. If you can't get out of things that are hard, please do everything possible to balance that stuff with love, support, and self care.

There's actually a spot up the road, maybe I'll go get some later

Hey Mirage, it's not easy, no. I found that by reaching out to others, asking for help, and trying to help others... somehow I started to feel like I'd be ok :) Don't let your own thoughts and feelings get you tangled up this early in the game. You'll find your way through this. Just hang onto your sobriety :)

Mirage, I bought a half gallon thingy of Rocky Road at about two weeks sober.

As I sat eating it I thought, "What an appropriate name for how I'm feeling."

You are really doing a great job Mirage. This is so hard. I agree. I'm around 70 Days into clarity and tackling some hefty communication issues myself.

Keep it up. And great job venting :)

:grouphug:

Good luck! 25 days is awesome!!!

can i ask why you feel you can not vent in your local meetings mirage ?

i would go and vent and clear my soul from my pain thats how i had to deal with really painful things or i would talk to someone close in the fellowship like my sponsor

i would walk into any aa room and share my pain if i was in pain as its the only way i know to lift it from me and share it with others
the old saying a problem shared is a problem halved
the times i have done it you would be amazed at the repsonces you would get as people might of been in the same situation at times and have just the right words to say that might flick on a light bulb

if you need a chat my friend you can always pm me
but one things is for certian dont hold on to the pain as its got to go no matter what it is
or if you believe in god then try and pray on it talk it over out loud trying to pass it on or letting go

either way this to will pass there is always an end to pain but again it depends what the pain is
so talk to someone : )

It's a little complicated. For one, I've always had a hard time opening up. Also, I have a family member in the rooms, and it just makes me uncomfortable,

It seems like the actual withdrawal is nothing compared to confronting the things that drove you into addiction in the first place. If you can get past that, you can get past the physical aspects (which I'm guessing you're past after 25 days?).

To use cigarettes as a cheap analogy, sometimes I'll light up, wonder WTH is wrong with me and why I'm doing this, and resolve to quit. Then I'm like, "Oh! THAT'S why I started." I know it's nothing compared to alcohol, but all addictions seem to be driven by the urge to "forget" something. The better it works, the more dangerous.

And yeah, that sucks about having a family member at your AA meetings. Without the anonymity, I guess it's just "Alcoholics," but without the alcohol. Are there any AA alternatives where you live?

i know a good few members in aa who have family also in the fellowship they go to seperate meetings so they can feel free to share if needed

do you have a sponsor ? its what they are there for is to be your friend and help you so if you have one then use him or her

i know that side of things is hard to do as i couldnt open up either in early days now you can not shut me up lol

i had to just pluck up the courage to open up, i wouldnt call my sponor as i didnt want to trouble him, i would rather sit on my own with the problems going around and around in my head all day long as i tried to fix it or think my way out of the problem

but when i started to use my sponsor and just explain to him how i am feeling or what the problems was i was amazed at how quick the answers would come
i know this when i would finish my chat with him the problem might of still been there but i was in a much better frame of mind to deal with it or it didnt hurt so much

its how i start to let people into my life to help me as before i wouldnt dare as i was to proud and i could cope with it on my own type of thing : )

today if i have something going on in my head that i feel uncomfortable with and i can not find an answer for what to do, i reach out for help and ask, i keep doing it today as i know it works for me
there are only 2 problems in life
there are problems that i can do somthing about
or there are problems that i can do nothing about
so if i can see i have something to do i have to do it
if not then i have to see i can not change it and accept it