Hi all. New here
 

I'm so happy to have found a place to 'talk' until I can get to a meeting at 12.

I woke up this morning after a terrible, terrible night & decided to quit drinking. I've always kinda thought that I was an alcoholic. Or maybe had a teeny-tiny drinking problem, but not one that was out of control enough to quit and go into recovery. I think now is the time :(

I am recently married (April 26th!) to a wonderful man. He doesn't have a drinking problem btw. Last night I went out with a few gf's & drove home drunk. I pushed the apartment gate open with my car (I didn't have my clicker to get it) & it pulled my front plate off. I didn't notice at the time. I went in my house & started a fight with my husband over absolutely nothing. I yelled at him & said hurtful things. Things that I don't even remember saying, but I know I cannot take them back. My behavior was inexcusable. And I hate myself so much for how I've been treating him lately.

At 2am the cops showed up at our apartment over me hitting the gate. They had my license plate. It's a misdemeanor hit & run against property. They're not pressing charges, but I am beyond humiliated. I humiliated my husband in front of our neighbors as well.

They shame inside me right now is unbearable. I betrayed his trust & I let him down. He deserves to trust that his wife will be a kind and reliable companion. Not a drunken mess. And I let him down.

I woke up and apologized to him and decided that it's time to stop drinking. He said he forgives me, but I know he's still angry. He deserves to be and probably will be for awhile. I let him down :( I'm SO lucky that I didn't get a DUI or kill/injure someone or myself. But it's time to stop before that happens. This isn't the 1st time & if I don't quit I know it won't be the last :(

Thanks for listening :) I have to work until 12 but I'm going to a meeting right after.

Sometimes it take a little trauma to motivate us. Good choice you're making.

What's done is done and like you said no one got hurt physically. Your husband is probably hurt but only trough your actions today you can make yesterday fixed.

Proud of you for making the jump, :abcj:

Welcome to the Forum Ollie!! :wave:

You'll find loads of support here on SR!! Great to have you onboard!1 :)

All ended up ok. Dont beat yourself up. Move forward with this.

Glad your accident was a minor one. Welcome to the forum!

I'm sorry that happened to you! Sounds like you have some great reasons to quit, I can relate. These days I'm so glad that I never say awful things to my fiancé while under the influence, drive drunk & risk getting arrested or god forbid hurt or kill someone, or really embarrass myself in front of others. Once you're having problems with drinking, it's really, really not worth it anymore! Welcome to SR!

Thanks all :) I called my hubby to again apologize & tell him I love him. Truthfully, I've been having a difficult time emotionally since we got married. It's like I don't' feel like I deserve a man this wonderful. I fear he regrets marrying me and I'm trying really hard to made that fear a reality. I'm also going to counseling to try and work through this.

I told him that I was going to stop drinking. He said that it certainly wouldn't hurt the situation and he thinks that whatever I'm going through will be less difficult if I stop.

How do I know if I have a drinking problem. Or if I have a different issue that I mask with drinking? Maybe if I work through these other issues I'm having and deal with that I will at one point be able to drink 'normally'? Is that a question every alcoholic has asked themselves?

Thinking back over the last 5 years I have drank daily with few exceptions. And honestly I would say 1/2 of those very few days that I didn't drink were probably because I was sick from a hangover. Maybe things would be different if I wasn't such an emotional mess??

Hi Ollie, I relate well to your situation because I married my husband less than three years ago and got sober just before we were married. I too have those thoughts and feelings that I don't deserve this normal guy, this normal marriage. And the fears of him regretting marrying an alcoholic or problem drinker. I would pick fights for no reason under the influence, just like you.

Speaking from my own experience, I knew I had a drinking problem. I knew it ten years ago. But coming to the place of seeing just how bad it was for me took a while. We continue to justify, rationalize, make excuses for the drinking. That is inherently part of what addiction is. Despite the outward signs and negative consequences, such as fights, car accidents, etc.

My suggestion is to get sober, and then whatever issues arise after that... you'll know that those are things you can now look at with clear eyes and clear mind. Removing alcohol from this equation was my first step to a good life that I do deserve, and we all do deserve a good life :)

Thank you SJ, that means a lot to me :)

No prob :grouphug:

It's funny the stuff that happens when we're drinking, stuff that probably wouldn't happen if we were sober. Consequences are important, without them we might not quit. It's good you're recognizing the problem. Welcome to the forum!

I think most who have a drinking problem hold on to the dream of compromise, not having all the consequences of alcohol but still being able to drink, the holy grail of moderation and drinking like a "normal" person.

For me I came to realise that it was the 1st drink that was my problem, and therein lay the real issue and subsequently led me to the solution to the problem, not having that first drink, that therefore meant Sobriety.

I really had to accept this as the way forward, a period of abstinence doesn't in some way fix or cure me, drinking again will always lead me back to the same old ways of drinking to get drunk.

Everyone needs to work out their own relationship with alcohol, but be weary of the mindset that a deal can in some way be struck with alcohol, I went round and round in circles testing that theory out, only to realise I wasted so much time and in the end the conclusion of Sobriety was still the same.

It wasn't until my husband threatened to leave for the 20th time ,,that I actually looked in his eyes and knew he meant it this time,,,that Was the day i admitted i had a problem and said I need to stop drinking ,,I'd embarrassed him at family parties and nights out with friends but he always made an excuse for me and loved me anyway but he had had enough a week ago ,,,it takes all the lows to admit it to yourself sometimes but you have made a brave and strong desicion to stop drinking good luck with sober life and enjoy your husband he sounds like a keeper

Welcome Ollie - I'm so glad you joined us & reached out for some help.

I drank every day for many years. I couldn't stand to admit I had no control once it was in my system. I longed to be able to go out & have 'one or two' - but it was always 10 - and I always ended up drunk. I put myself in danger so many times - but kept insisting if I used enough willpower I could make it fun again. Over the years my life became a nightmare. I was becoming more dependent on it every day. In the end, I was drinking 'round the clock. I got dui's, caused chaos & drama - and finally admitted that each time I tried to have a few - bad things happened. I was finally able to let go of it - and of the fantasy that I could ever be a social drinker. (Wish it hadn't taken 30 years.)

You'll be saving yourself so much grief and misery by stopping now. SR will help see you through the rough parts. There's always someone here to listen and help. :hug:

Welcome to the family. :) Stopping drinking is a smart choice. Nothing good ever comes from drinking. And I too wondered if I could ever drink 'normally'. I can't. The only solution is to stay sober. :)