Aiko

I am supposed to hand in all my pills, my prescriptions....
and really I got a chip card with prescriptions,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
an I know I can hide some... what point for,
Or I do it.
Or I do not.

If I do not do it
I might loose another friend that is trying to help me.
Big big storm coming.

I want to convince her to start tapping on Monday...
to live me 2 more days passed out...
I can barely see the screen... the letters are blured.

Is my last chance to get out quietly!

and still want more....

I got new friends from NA but Is not comfortable to go to meetings stoned.........
Monday I am going to go meet a man that works in a day hospital helping addicts he might be able to help me. I think he taps medications too.

but I do not want to hand in my stash....
I even got a join on top fridge!
If I accumulate the doses... and have a big bang at the end of the day!
My head does not stop making plans...devil 24x7.

Is going to be hard to hand in treasure!
I do not know if I will be capable to let go control.
I always have them in my handbag... leaves me calm!

I am going to fight tomorrow for more time...
stupidity! To harm my mind and body more time?
I do not want to tap I want to takes tones... till I disappear!
I am deeper and deeper...

I need to find a reason to want to cling out!
If I want to live or have and aim in life... I recover!
Or I will sink...

I do not want to give in my stufffffffffffffff
Tomorrow argument day....

Thepatman

If the screen is not too blurry lookup AVRT on Google and do the crash course.

I see 2 conversations in your post, you and your addictive voice.

Be well

Dee74

Aiko - I know it's scary but until you make different decisions thing are not going to change - they will only get worse.

I'm sorry you're not going the rehab route - I really think you could use some time away from your life to get clean, and learn to be ok with that.

Don't put off the taper.

D

PurpleKnight

Hey Aiko, take that leap of faith and jump into the tapering, at some point we have to get off the merry-go-round of addiction, and start making leaps forward!!

You can do this and SR is behind you!!

sugarbear1

I know you can stop and stay stopped

ScottFromWI

It is a simple choice Aiko. Do it and get better, don't do it and get worse. Which one do you want?

Raider

Give it up. For yourself.

jdooner

At some point the choice will be taken away from you. I just hope the Aiko we have gotten to see glimpses of can get help before it's too late.

There really is no point making suggestions until you decide you want to change. You may be powerless over these pills but your not helpless. Throw them out, go to the hospital and detox.

I don't believe you can taper based on your posts. You have made that clear. You need someone to monitor you for your own safety. Maybe when you loose your job and your family finds out you will finally accept the help. Ironically you could save yourself so much trouble and check in now. Goto the Emergency room.

Change4life

Throat an thanks for sharing avert looks like something interesting

11years

Speaking of tapering and stashes. I was in an automobile accident, a good one, almost exactly 11 years ago. I have taken pain RX for 11 years. I don't take more than I am prescribed, I stretch it out, I take half.

Anyway, tried to quit five days this week, great intentions in the morning, make it to 4:00 and I am dumping every purse I've ever carried, every computer bag I've used, and so far I keep finding a couple and swallow half. I think I found the last one today. I always had them where I didn't necessarily have to open a bottle. No one really knew except my husband. Man, this sucks. I take half and feel instant glorious relief and I just feel normal and fine. I am wondering, Do I really want to do this? The doc will see me Monday. I guess I wanted to truly be out for the weekend, too, to make myself be with nothing for two days at least. I took such a low dose. Why am I sneezing, my eyes are watering, and I feel like I have the flu? I guess because my body has had it every single day for 11 years. But it is time, it is past time.

Mairie

Hi 11 years - welcome to SR! Just a thought, but you might get more replies if you start a new thread with your post in

Aiko

I am rethinking it!!!!
I can not do tapping!
Who am I kidding????
I still have not hand in anything!

I am going to phone this other clicin....
Is like an expensive cell... No phone 48 hrs...
So i will enquire.!
I do not control...

11years

Call the clinic. True tapering can work, but when you slip and take it when it's tough and you feel that cool calming Freaking best RELIEF you have ever felt in your life and you think why I am even doing this to myself, you'll give in. Go to the clinic.

jdooner

Good for you Aiko...I am sending thoughts and prayers from across the pond.

Aiko

Just spoke to the clinik...
5 days Crash detox...
They give me something else...
And afther got to go 12 times to the shrink!

Some how I will get 3000 € by monday morning and get there....
Will ask if someone can come with me....
So I can stuff myself till mondayyyyy yepeeeee!!!

Thank u for putting up mith my ups & downs¡
Love u lots <3

Gilmer

Just please get there Monday! Do whatever they tell you!

biminiblue

NO no no Aiko, do not stuff yourself until Monday! You could hurt yourself or die if you think you need to take all the drugs and stuff!

Just stay comfortable, don't go for the high, please.

Take care of yourself, we care about you.

Aiko

gOT IT all plan:
8;30 will hand in all my stuff to my latest NA friend.
He must destroy intermediately.... that will HURT
(god he is gay... what a waste..................)

I relay can not see the screrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrn
So sorry about my spellings...
GOD BLESS THE COMPUTERS!!!

aaaaaaaa. I go in the bank and say I need money for long holidays.... I nee it know like yesterday!!!!!

Then how to get to Malaga:
my own car..................... bad bad choice
Get a BUS------------------can relax and enjoy the trip.....
cos I will be taking as may as I can before hand it id!
How the hell I am going to drive in a city I do not know.....

I need to hire a driver....No way I am going to be able to drive.

I will do it on Monday promise, cross my heart and I hoep to die!
I an gent in.. If I have not passes out....
I need the artillery!!!

I am passing out now.... night night





1

Aiko

I book in detox on Monday... 4 days sleeping out the meds...
God I want more injections but no moreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
I still have 3 months of treatment supposedly to help my brain...

I am trying really hard to come out!
I am coming out on Saturday but still will be coming twice a week,
and try to keep out of troublemakers...
Got two new friends in NA and got my day centre...

Got a lots of help now... hope I will not ******* again....

Big Hug,
Aiko

trachemys

Well, YAY Aiko!