sugarbear1

Sending you love and hugs.

You can stay stopped again, Tetra. You CAN do this.

Love,
SB

Tetra

I can't do this anymore

Tetra

The guilt is just too much.

Croissant

Like the others have said, Tetra....I'm not following here why on earth you told your parents. It seems like you really self sabotaged here and their whole responses are extreme, but I feel there's something missing. Some part of the story is missing here for someone to start saying you ruined their holiday. They are gone not long and you feel compelled to drink after 8 months?

Based on what you've said before here, you don't want to live alone, but now I wonder if it's because you are trapped in this cycle of helplessness with your family. It's really quite toxic.

So what if they heard it in your voice, I don't understand why you told them, when you knew drama would unfold. A simple no, I'm just tired would have sufficed.

I'm sorry you are hurting, but again, why are you letting your parents rule your life?

afloatsober

Tetra
C'mon now.
Time to ring some changes please.
Your parents need to be detached from. If you don't you will continue to both fear them and allow them to dominate.
And your first sober hour can be today, after you have tipped the booze.
Change, change and more change.
The old stuff (and sometimes the 'old' people) simply won't work for us anymore .
Booze defeats us, rids us of hope and allows us to wallow in self pity and our past mistakes.
Be rid of it!
Reach out for help even if you think it will kill you.
I promise it won't.
You need more than posting here at the moment, and all the advice in the world won't help if your butt stays firmly attached to your drinking seat.
You CAN do this.
You WON'T give up hope.
And i WILL keep bitchin'.
Coz you are WORTH IT!!!!!
Gary x

Sasha4

Why did you answer the phone?

Why not text them and make an excuse explaining that you will not be around to chat?
Say you have a friend round, you are going to the cinema, having an early night, whatever?

Tetra

I have thrown out all the wine. And I have just come from a counselling session.

My dad is coming home early and I feel really bad about this, but I can't do anything about it now.

My mom keeps mentioning a rehab place. I don't want to go. I had eight months before and I can do this again. She is so angry at me now.

afloatsober

Tetra
Nobody that truly UNDERSTANDS this malady will continue to be angry.
From what you have said your folks don't understand.
That is not their fault, they don't have it.
If they choose to remain uninformed then that is their decision and their responsibility.
This is and must continue to be about you now.
But please don't close your mind to ideas like rehab.
If your way does not work you must consider all options if you are to achieve lasting sobriety.
Try to cultivate an open mind and let go of some of your old ideas where they have failed to serve you.
It simply CAN be done if you are sick and tired of the old stuff Tetra....
G

afloatsober

And well done for what you have done today!!!!!
The wine will keep you in that bloody hole.
That is the past.
You can do this Tetra.
I'll stop nagging with love.
Gary

HopingForZen

Tetra, it sounds like you are taking the right steps by throwing out the wine and going to counseling! You absolutely can do it. Eight months is fantastic and you can do that again, and then some!

I agree with the other posters about getting some distance from your parents, emotionally as well as physically.

And I can't give you legal advice, but I will say that the best way to avoid being asked to do anything you do not want is to stay sober and strong and connected to that counselor. Your mother cannot force you into rehab if you are sober and working recovery -- what's she going to do, take you to a hospital and have you assessed for being a danger to yourself for ingesting too much Diet Coke and potato chips?

soberclover

Really awesome to see you taking some steps for you such as throwing out wine and your counselling.....sending you some positive thoughts!

Fandy

if I remember correctly, you were concerned about staying by yourself last week. then your parents went on vacation and you drank, they knew about it and went into protective smothering mothering mode.

do you think that you might have sabotaged yourself just to get their attention?

You have friends and you are an adult, if you are concerned about being alone (not used to it), maybe to get a friend to stay with you for a couple of nights. plan activities, have a plan in place.

there is no law that I know of that says you need to speak to your parents 5X a day or even once a day...text or leave a message...they don't need to hold your hand every hour.

good on throwing out the wine, convince your father that you are fine and he doesn't need to come back to you....let him enjoy his vacation.

Sasha4

Have you thought about a sober living place Tetra?

I know you don't fancy rehab, but going to live elsewhere might actually be a massive blessing as it will get you away from your parents clutches.

Do they have any sober living houses/facilities in Ireland?

Sasha4

It looks like they do Tetra!!
I fel a bit excited for you.

Google sober living homes in Ireland and the UK.

They look like nice places to stay.
Not clinical or unwelcoming.
Access to therapy.
Nice surroundings.

What do you think?
I'm not sure of the cost, but I expect rehab is costly anyway.

sillysuzanfree

I also think a sober living would be a great idea!! At least in the US sometimes these places are free as long as you are actively searching for work and going to recovery meetings...

Tetra

I just phoned an AA helpline to ask about a good meeting in my home town. I told the nice man that I really want a sponsor and to work the steps. He said don't be in too much of a rush. Just the fact that I phoned him he said is a really good sign, and just by doing this small act suggedts I am already working on steps 1 and 2. He also said of course there is hope for me, it will be hard work but so worth it.

Straightshoot

You've made progress since you first started this thread Tetra. Happy for you. I wish you well when you go to the meetings.

afloatsober

So pleased.
G

360shoes

I was thinking the same thing Sasha. A safe house.

Hang in there Tetra. Yes you can do this. You did do it. 8 months says you can do it. Your counselor believes you can do it. A gazillion people here believe you can do it.

Listen to only the voices that say you are wonderful and worth it. Tune out everything else that's tries to convince you that you are not.

(((Hug))) to my favorite little bunny in the flying carrot. I love that little bunny.

biminiblue

Tetra, I was in my early thirties when I made a big break from my family of origin. Their illnesses were contributing to mine. I had to do a lot of self-reflection and I realized that all I could do is me.

I pulled away from my mother most of all. Whenever she would start in with her advice and negative talk about me, I would stop her. If she kept on, I would end the conversation, whether that meant leaving the room or hanging up the phone. It got better - but not immediately. It took years of me standing my ground with her until I was good at it and she understood I meant business.

That was the beginning of life for me, really. That was when I grew up. We all have to at some point realize our parents aren't God. Then we find our own power.

Blessings.