Antioch

So I've been up awake for 24 hours snorting and parachuting ethylphenidate powder (similar to ritalin). I went through 400mg of the stuff and flushed the remaining 600mg down the toilet at 7am after a final dose. It is now 11am in the UK. Luckily I have benzodiazepines on hand, which kill off the paranoia and anxiety caused by the ethylphenidate come-down. I have academic exams soon but will not be able to study today as my mind is foggy at best.

As mentioned in my first post, I am using considerably less ethylphenidate than I was previously. I think the sheer determination I have to stop binging on this particular drug will result in success. The recovery progress begins tomorrow, July 11th. If I stay clean until 1st September, I'd have probably beaten this addiction altogether. I will then try to taper off benzodiazepines...a rather more grueling prospect

Good luck everyone

trachemys

Good choice, Antioch.

Mountainmanbob

brought back some memories there from my past
many times I would flush harmful things for me down the toilet
there was nothing wrong with the good thought at the time
but
in short time I would be back running with the devil

if you want to stay clean and sober
put together your staying sober tool belt

this usually takes much work with a firm decision to be made

the information on this site will be most useful

Mountainman

Antioch

I still haven't relapsed. My mood hasn't been great over the past few days but I guess that's expected when you regularly abuse drugs that increase dopamine in the brain. Still as determined to stay clean though, so that's positive.

PurpleKnight

Keep pushing through Antioch!!

Antioch

2 weeks since my last ethylphenidate binge. I've had mild cravings at times but still going strong. Can't imagine going back to those sleepless nights and horrible comedowns. Hope it stays that way.

Dee74

congrats on two weeks
Are you planning to see a Dr for the benzo withdrawal?
D

Antioch

I relapsed after 3 weeks. I took 250mg ethylphenidate last week and again today roughly 100mg. It's going to be harder to stop this than I thought it would be. I think I need to make some lifestyle changes if I'm going to beat this, like getting out of the house more. I don't know...I just feel self-loathing at the moment

ScottFromWI

I would agree that you need to most likely make some lifestyle changes. Have you considered any? I'll give you a few suggestions.

* See an addictions counselor or your local alcohol/drug center
* Go to an NA meeting
* See a doctor and tell them about your addiction
* Check into detox or rehab, there are many low cost or free options if you are unable to pay full price or don't have insurance
* Spend more time here reading and sharing instead of waiting until you start using again to come back.
* Check out the Substance abuse forum here
* See a mental health counselor about potential psychological issues, most of us have something lurking underneath our addictions

Antioch

Thanks Scott. I definitely will check in to a free local rehab on Monday.

least

I hope you can get the support you need to stay clean for good.

Antioch

Still struggling...at the moment its methiopropamine once or twice a week. The good news is I'm no longer a habitual benzo user. I only use them for comedowns now. I really hate myself for being so undisciplined. These research chemicals are garbage!

Soberwolf

I hope you get help in staying clean

What are you going to do different to help yourself

Hobbers

I've never even heard of that drug. You Limey's try some weird stuff over there.



Good luck this time around. Stop trying to taper, and just get clean, straight up.

Dee74

Ever though it may be time to get some help Antioch?
There are just some things we can't do on our own?

D

soberjuly

Antioch...I don't even know how you can take such a high dose. I take 90mg of Vyvanse (time-released Dexedrine) in the morning and 10mg of Dexedrine at 5pm. I have a brain injury and without it, I function but not too well. Just totally disorganized and unable to focus and tired (I have post-traumatic inattentive ADHD)...doesn't your heart race?

Antioch

I haven't used any stimulant powders since my last post on September 8th. I have cravings everyday but I manage to fight them. I'm finding sober life very boring...but I recognize that sobriety is the only way forward. I still take benzos daily and although I know I'll have to stop that too eventually, the benefits outweigh the negatives at the moment.

Gilmer

Congratulations! You're doing great!

Go out of your way to think of things that might interest you--either things you used to like but ran out of time for when you started getting high, or things you've always wanted to try.

It takes time, but eventually sober life gets a lot less boring! Keep posting here--whiling away the time reading and posting here can be a lifesaver!

Antioch

I haven't touched any amphetamine analogs for a month now, so I thought I'd post here. I'm always fighting the urge to buy, always rationalizing, trying to convince myself that occasional use is fine...but I know it isn't and that's what stops me.

I'm still taking benzos. I need to start a taper soon. I got a script for citalopram today. I think I've been on every SSRI in the past, they do help alleviate my depression slightly. When my mood improves I'll begin a plan for coming off benzos.

Thanks for your support guys

anattaboy

Excellent!