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Should i send my EX gf to rehab

Old 07-09-2014, 08:52 PM
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Should i send my EX gf to rehab

I have complicated story . Will keep short so folks dont loose focus . I dated this girl for about a year . She was an addict and i was not aware of her addiction till she OD'd in first 6 months of our relationship . I was broken but i wanted to help her and was working with her to get off addiction . Obviously she was hidding her addiction level and manipulating me that she is getting better . So closer to year she started getting isolated and hard to reach . So obviously i knew she was either dating some one else or doing drugs again . Either way i broke up and maintained No Contact . After 2 months of break up she is reaching me for help and requesting me to send her to Rehab as she has no support from her family or friends . All have given up on her .
In Patient rehab is too exp 20 K . So not sure what should i do .

Please note that she have been going AA and Psychiatrist but seems like she aint getting any better . her choice of drug have been coke and Meth as far as i know .

I fear if i dont help she may end up into prostitution or OD and die . So looking for help .
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Old 07-09-2014, 09:03 PM
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The Salvation Army - Home
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Old 07-09-2014, 09:27 PM
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It used to be that people could have their stay in an in-patient facility paid for by general relief (that's how my stay was paid for).

The homepage of this website has lots of information.

If somehow you are going to end up giving money to her to pay for it, instead of giving money to the facility, i would be suspicious...
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Old 07-09-2014, 11:01 PM
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for sure wont be giving her any money directly.if i do it will be directly to institution. Knowing she cheated on me should i help her . I fear for her life but then i am also mad she cheated on me and dint care to even give me a closure . She till date denies it and says that drugs was keeping her aloof and isolated but i know its a lie. So i am in confused state and mess
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Old 07-09-2014, 11:03 PM
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Sugarbear has offered an alternative. Although I am not in the U.S...there must be community programs (e.g Salvation army) that can be of assistance. There are other answers than you having to foot any bills here. Although I am sure you care for this woman, I do not think this is your cross to bear my friend.
At best, help her locate a program that is of no cost. I'm certain there are options.
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Old 07-09-2014, 11:51 PM
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Yep make sense , I need to see her intention first for free rehab . Just FYI I heard that free rehabs are not great as they are filled with wrong kind of people . But like you said its not my cross to bear specially after intense relation ship she goes totally cold with no remorse towards me , how i would feel or called to explain that she is not cheating on me , Just few texts denying it. I am happy that i was sane enough to walk away .

i have had nightmares last 2 months thinking and waking up that she is gone into prostitution or she ended up being street bum . Only regret i have is why i am not sane enough to block her and why i want to help her .
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Old 07-10-2014, 12:56 AM
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If she is serious about recovery it wont matter what rehab she is in. Dont do it, there are options let her figure them out.
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Old 07-10-2014, 08:34 AM
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Yes you all are correct . I will stick to all your advice . I wont be ignoring her or lashing out at her. I will be neutral. if she needs to talk to me i will be always be available but i wont be her enabler and give her easy way out.

i truly love her and care for her . So no help is best help .

i lost my soul mate to drugs but i wont loose myself and be victim of drug addict ex gf . Its tough very tough to move on from what we two had . She choose drugs and its her choice . I choose happy life and need to get back to dating other wonderful women out there .
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Old 07-10-2014, 08:40 AM
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She needs to save herself, but if you could help facilitate that I think that would be awesome! Depending on her condition she may need medical attention for withdraws.
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Old 07-10-2014, 08:40 AM
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Originally Posted by Soul View Post
I fear if i dont help she may end up into prostitution or OD and die.
Those aren't her only choices. She could decide to embrace her recovery and quit. NA is free.
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Old 07-10-2014, 08:45 AM
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All i know from being casual recreational user she ended up being hard core addict . All happened in last two months . When we were breaking up i could not get her to even talk on phone for 5 days . Chased her like looser but after 5 days it hit me , She is gone either found a guy at NA meetings or drug problem is at max . Either way she is gone from my life .

Yes i am there to help but not as pathetic looser who would give her $$ or pay for her rehab . what if after paying rehab she quits it in 20 days . So she needs to fight for her self and i will be right next to her to support her meet her talk to her but i wont give $ or be involved romantically . I am very caring passionate person and at times people read it as weakness . On contrary its my strength .
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Old 07-10-2014, 09:06 AM
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Soul, that's a fair plan. She needs help and if you can and are willing, help her within the limits you set.
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Old 07-10-2014, 09:41 AM
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Originally Posted by Soul View Post
After 2 months of break up she is reaching me for help and requesting me to send her to Rehab as she has no support from her family or friends . All have given up on her . In Patient rehab is too exp 20 K . So not sure what should i do.
There are options available for those that want help, such as sugarbears suggestion - salvation army. Are they comfy with great food? Nope. But if the addict/alcoholic isn't willing to get sober for fear of not being catered to - they are probably not capable of getting sober yet.

This is not your responsibility. I'm not sure how you came to think that you are her only hope, but it sounds like manipulation. SHE is her only hope. When she is ready to go to any length to get and stay clean, then and only then will she have a decent shot at it.
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Old 07-10-2014, 09:57 AM
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Originally Posted by Soul View Post
After 2 months of break up she is reaching me for help and requesting me to send her to Rehab as she has no support from her family or friends . All have given up on her .
There is a reason for this. Families don't just give up on people overnight. There is likely much more to this story than even you know.

Stay on track, you've been given lots of good advice here.
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Old 07-10-2014, 11:01 AM
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I'm not sure what "the wrong kind of people" are.....

Maybe you can get to Al Anon or Naranon and find out how you can recover and not be so codependent in the meanwhile so you don't repeat your behavior patterns.

With Love and Hugs,
~SB
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Old 07-10-2014, 12:15 PM
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"Wrong people" I dont know how to call it out but the free rehab consultant stated that folks who are here serious drug addicts and at times links and friendship bond made at rehab are worse for folks who clean and go out . As they just go back to old habits . The counselor Mentioned success rate of free rehabs is very low .


Well i am going to meet her this week and see what her intentions are and what she wants to say . I am not sure i should totally block her and not meet her at all . Plus i made my mind not to give her any $ but i wont take any decision without my little family here on this forum .
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Old 07-10-2014, 12:34 PM
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Change your phone number.
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Old 07-10-2014, 01:52 PM
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Originally Posted by Soul View Post
i made my mind not to give her any $ .
Good call soul - it's not a question of money to get sober. Think of all the celebrities with more money than they know what to do with who cannot get sober. It's not that they lack resources, they lack the commitment.
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Old 07-10-2014, 01:56 PM
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Relapse rates for expensive rehabs is poor also...just saying....
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Old 07-10-2014, 02:43 PM
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Originally Posted by hopeful4 View Post
if she is serious about recovery it wont matter what rehab she is in. Dont do it, there are options let her figure them out.
^^^

that
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