Struggling
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Saskatoon
Posts: 13
Struggling
Hey everyone,
Again I'm struggling with the consequences of my actions because of booze. I'm still trying to determine what caused my violent outburst ultimately leading to my gf leaving. We did talk today, she said she wanted to see big changes and big sacrifices if she is to come back. I don't know how much faith I have in her coming back since I've screwed up so much. I went to a BBQ tonight and booze was everywhere however I didnt drink, I wanted to, I wanted to be able to know I control it and be able to know I can enjoy it, however drinking is what has lead me here to SR. I don't know if I'll ever be able to live with myself if I can't fix this relationship. Knowing it was in my power to make it right but I kept screwing up. Drinking does ruin lives. I wish I just knew better. I'm so beside myself I upset her and broke her heart. I'm so stupid.
Again I'm struggling with the consequences of my actions because of booze. I'm still trying to determine what caused my violent outburst ultimately leading to my gf leaving. We did talk today, she said she wanted to see big changes and big sacrifices if she is to come back. I don't know how much faith I have in her coming back since I've screwed up so much. I went to a BBQ tonight and booze was everywhere however I didnt drink, I wanted to, I wanted to be able to know I control it and be able to know I can enjoy it, however drinking is what has lead me here to SR. I don't know if I'll ever be able to live with myself if I can't fix this relationship. Knowing it was in my power to make it right but I kept screwing up. Drinking does ruin lives. I wish I just knew better. I'm so beside myself I upset her and broke her heart. I'm so stupid.
Hey Jjmarty ,
You can learn new and better ways of dealing with stuff than drinking . We can also learn better ways to deal with our tempers .
I can't tell you if she'll be back or not but whatever goes on you need to sort these things out so you can have have a decent life in the future
Get the support you need , find the help , SR , AA , therapy and counselling to try and sort out whats going on with you , it's possible to change if we remain open minded to learning and willing to work at ourselves .
Change is possible , you can do it , it's hard work and difficult but it's worthwhile and it get's better.
Take care , m
You can learn new and better ways of dealing with stuff than drinking . We can also learn better ways to deal with our tempers .
I can't tell you if she'll be back or not but whatever goes on you need to sort these things out so you can have have a decent life in the future
Get the support you need , find the help , SR , AA , therapy and counselling to try and sort out whats going on with you , it's possible to change if we remain open minded to learning and willing to work at ourselves .
Change is possible , you can do it , it's hard work and difficult but it's worthwhile and it get's better.
Take care , m
Wow. That's quite a story. You're not stupid. You may be an alcoholic, but only you know that. Well if you can control it, you'll have to let us all know. I can't control it. Yes you will live if that relationship ends. You may not live very long if you don't change something. Chose wisely. Good luck.
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Saskatoon
Posts: 13
I would like to rephrase what I meant about controlling it. That's not what I meant at all. I know I can't control it and that's why I'm giving it it up. My head and heart hasn't all been here lately.
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
The best thing you can do for yourself and this relationship is to sacrifice alcohol. It is robbing you of so very much. You're only hope in possibly salvaging the relationship is doing the work you know you must. Much greatness can be achieved in sobriety...a love relationship is beautiful bonus.
I hope you are planning to this work of being a better man...for yourself...just as much as for the relationship.
I hope you want more for yourself and this life...and the woman you love.
I hope you are planning to this work of being a better man...for yourself...just as much as for the relationship.
I hope you want more for yourself and this life...and the woman you love.
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: liverpool, england
Posts: 1,708
if only i would of listened to the people in aa when i first contacted them at just 18 years of age, i was screwing my life up even then as when i drank booze i ended up getting so drunk i did horrible things like hurt people who loved me, they told me in aa if i carried on drinking it would only get worse and i would lose much more in my life
well did i listen ? no i thought i could find easier ways for me but everything i tried including controled drinking i ended up plastered over and over again until in the end i lost everything and many times i ended up in heatache trying desperatly to get my girl back
i would promise the moon that i would be different if they only came back to me
but if they did come back i soon found a way to start drinking again and they get fed up with all the lies until they have had enough
i hope you dont follow my same path my friend and find the help that is out there
good luck to you
well did i listen ? no i thought i could find easier ways for me but everything i tried including controled drinking i ended up plastered over and over again until in the end i lost everything and many times i ended up in heatache trying desperatly to get my girl back
i would promise the moon that i would be different if they only came back to me
but if they did come back i soon found a way to start drinking again and they get fed up with all the lies until they have had enough
i hope you dont follow my same path my friend and find the help that is out there
good luck to you
As I mentioned on one of your previous threads, a change in actions talks to other people more than words, concentrate on sorting out your drinking and everything else will take care of itself!!
You can do this!!
You can do this!!
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 596
Hey everyone,
Again I'm struggling with the consequences of my actions because of booze. I'm still trying to determine what caused my violent outburst ultimately leading to my gf leaving. We did talk today, she said she wanted to see big changes and big sacrifices if she is to come back. I don't know how much faith I have in her coming back since I've screwed up so much. I went to a BBQ tonight and booze was everywhere however I didnt drink, I wanted to, I wanted to be able to know I control it and be able to know I can enjoy it, however drinking is what has lead me here to SR. I don't know if I'll ever be able to live with myself if I can't fix this relationship. Knowing it was in my power to make it right but I kept screwing up. Drinking does ruin lives. I wish I just knew better. I'm so beside myself I upset her and broke her heart. I'm so stupid.
Again I'm struggling with the consequences of my actions because of booze. I'm still trying to determine what caused my violent outburst ultimately leading to my gf leaving. We did talk today, she said she wanted to see big changes and big sacrifices if she is to come back. I don't know how much faith I have in her coming back since I've screwed up so much. I went to a BBQ tonight and booze was everywhere however I didnt drink, I wanted to, I wanted to be able to know I control it and be able to know I can enjoy it, however drinking is what has lead me here to SR. I don't know if I'll ever be able to live with myself if I can't fix this relationship. Knowing it was in my power to make it right but I kept screwing up. Drinking does ruin lives. I wish I just knew better. I'm so beside myself I upset her and broke her heart. I'm so stupid.
I think you need to do that with your girlfriend. There are too many bad memories of how you were when drinking, how you have a problem, and she will always have that in her head. Work on your sobriety and once you have a firm grip on that, you can meet someone else and start anew without all the baggage. Based on your post, you probably think this should be the last option, but from a neutral standpoint, I think you should strongly consider that. Good luck whatever you decide.
Also, getting sober needs to be a personal decision for you, if you are getting sober for someone else's sake, it will never stick in my opinion...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Saskatoon
Posts: 13
This is my own decision to get sober. In this decision and process I can only hope my actions will speak louder than my words and she will come back. However the reality is this had to happen, something as drastic as her leaving, for me to make these changes. I've read so many other threads and seeing people lose their families or have been to jail and it is terrifying. Something I've relied on my whole life has been alcohol. Speaking with a psychologist I'm hoping I can learn to live without it. I am still completely beside myself for what happened, I understand it's in the past but it just kills me I did that. I've read success stories in here as well and it makes me hopeful I can do the same. I'm just tired of regretting everything I've ever done. I've never known what's it's like to just be happy and content instead if letting myself be miserable. Everyday that has past since I've joined has been difficult and has been trying but I'm doing my best to stick with this. I hope I can prove myself wrong some day and be that person I've always wanted to be.
Words are just that, words. It's action, verbs, the DO-ing that shows change.
I think we need to learn to be OK with the fact that just b/c we DO these things, doesn't 100% guarantee that things will work out the way we WANT them to either. That sometimes, the damage is done and cannot be un-done, no matter what. But by doing all the right things, and getting clean and sober and all that work that comes with it, we change and grow as that happens. We ourselves become different people.
So while it feels that "omg, I can't live with/without ____"...that isn't always true. Your perspective changes as well along the way. You become stronger.
Either way, I believe that if we do the right thing, things work out the way they should.
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
It is an initiative of effort cuz we are tackling something huge here. It's all we know. Sobriety is very much about enlarging your life and growing up..finally.
I had never known that either JJmarty - but I found happiness and contentment when I got sober - not right away, and not without a little work, but I found it.
You're definitely headed in the right direction
D
You're definitely headed in the right direction
D
Just keep coming and talking. You can do this. There is a whole world of better living there that goes far beyond your relationship. This isn't to minimize that, only to mention there is so much more. Glad to have you here. You matter.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Saskatoon
Posts: 13
I appreciate everyone's comments to my thread. This has been by far one of the toughest things I've had to do. I know it isn't much but it's been one week without a drink. I hope I can keep this up. Thank you all.
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