scared to try again
 

Today will be my day one..... Again.

I'm tired of the lies, the guilt, the control that this disease has on me. I have not vocally told anyone my struggles. I have become very good at hiding it. I don't know if I even quite understand my problems But I am not the person I want to be, for my kids, for my husband and for myself.

I was sober for a the month of April and it was so hard..... So hard, I cried all the time, I was angry with myself for not being able to drink like a normal person. Everyday was like I was drowning and just having a drink was a life raft. I remember that first drink after a whole month of sobriety. I wish I never had it . I don't want this life. I am not the drink.

I'm sooooo scared. Summer is hard, everyone is drinking like everyday, it's sunny, let's drink, sitting at the beach, let's drink. Having a bbq, let's drink. Lunch time, lets drink.

I don't know if I can do this alone, I feel so alone.:cries3:

Today is my new day one as well. So you're certainly NOT alone.

I just struggle so much with whether it's a REAL problem or not. But I've started to notice that my lack of clarity and anxiety have to be a direct reflection of the drinking.

I'm tried of not accomplishing anything, tired of being tired, tired of feeling bad, scared, anxious and out of place. It's time, it's time to give it up. For me.. even though I might never be able to drink again.. I'm choosing to call it a 30 day challenge. I can do ANYTHING for 30 days.. how about you?

30 days if a very achievable goal. I didn't set one but I know I can do anything for 30....hopefully.

I have clinical depression and anxiety disorder. I've been on medication most of my life but have come off them and am managing my symptoms with excersise and diet. I over excersise during the day then reward myself with drinking at night. It consumes my entire day those two things. I'm a stay at home mom and it pissed me off ll the time I'm missing with my kids, I hate feeling sick all the time

Hey Krissy,

I know from my experience that I could never make it on my own! You can hide it for a little while from others, but not yourself and eventually it will ALL come crashing down and EVERYONE will know. It took me humbling myself admitting and accepting that I was powerless over alcohol! I asked for help and was told to go to AA. I did and now my life is so much better! There's a big difference between NOT drinking and being 'recovered' When I stopped drinking I still had all the same issues as before, the only difference was now I did't have alcohol (the only coping skill I knew) I was miserable until I went to AA, got a sponsor and started working the steps! I'll tell you what they told me; "you don't ever have to feel this way again!"

Hey krissypie, don't give up, keep trying, I kept trying for a long time after I realised too that alcohol was making me someone I didn't want to be in life, it was causing real problems, I went round in circles for a long time and I know what that frustration feels like.

But I had to let go of the whys, the ins and outs of the situation and just accept that I can't control alcohol in my life, that first drink will always lead to a place that I don't want to be in anymore.

You can do this, SR is in your corner!! :grouphug:

I would suggest getting support so you feel less alone, whether that's AA,some other group or just SR every day.

I also thought everyone used to drink but now realize that there are so many people out there who don't drink. I had to change my lifestyle,habits and sometimes friends to do that though ,not overnight of course it's a gradual thing. I also found it easier once I accepted I couldn't drink rather than fighting it the whole time and getting angry and annoyed that I wasn't 'normal'.

It does get easier, but easier with support.

Back to the doctor, krissy. I quit March 2013 for a few weeks then relapsed. I spent the next 14 months trying to quit again. Every time I tried, anxiety and depression sent me back to the bottle. I don't know if I have long term disorders because I've self-medicated with alcohol since I was 16. I do know that anxiety and depression increase the longer I'm sober.

So, I went to my doctor. He gave me bupropion to block the receptors that alcohol uses. I tapered down while building up the meds for a week and now am 1 full week abstinent. I've had no withdrawals, have no cravings, and am experiencing neither anxiety nor depression. We're going to do 90 days of this and then reevaluate.

So, back to the doctor. Tell him what you're trying to do. Better living through chemistry.

My goal wasn't a period of not drinking. My goal was having the full, rich life I wanted. Alcohol was an obstacle to that, and was causing a host of other problems, too. So I had to give it up.

It wasn't my only obstacle, though. I had to discover and then work on other things as well. Something I couldn't do if I was buzzed all the time.

Something else you might find useful to know - persistent alcohol use increases anxiety. The human brain produces excess anxiety-inducing chemicals in response to the frequent boozing. (Turns out its bad for survival to be numb and complacent all the time.) You will especally feel the effects of this once you stop drinking. The brain continues to over-produce those chemicals and you feel extra anxiety because of it. We're all different, but on average it takes about 90 days for the brain to adapt to no alcohol and reduce the anxiety output. Feeling irritable, anxious, and moody in early sobriety (first 3 months) is extremely common, so be prepared for it.

You can do this. :a122:

I have talked to my doctor about my desire to quit back in March, she prescribed me the same thing and i took it for two weeks (sober all of April) but it gave me nasty headaches and made me feel crappy. Of course a bit of that was detox I'm sure but after two days of not taking it headaches and sickness went away.

Instead of 30 days, why don't you give it six months or a year?

If you can't quit for six months, you need more help than trying it on your own.

Quitting for 30 days doesn't even get you past the anxiety and irritability caused by alcohol withdrawal.

I didn't feel even a little bit normal for the first two months, really. I needed a lot of sleep and it felt like everything would make me jump out of my skin.

AA was a good place to spend an hour a day while I was getting it out of my system. The scary stories and the hope in those rooms helped.

You can do it. Just don't pick up a drink no matter what. There is a way out - and it's by not drinking again.

I will echo ultradad's comments, because I thought the same thing.

"I have not vocally told anyone my struggles. I have become very good at hiding it."

Yeah, do I know about that!! Until I started talking openly to others face to face (for me, the venue for that was AA, where I could be comfortable and not fear judgement) - I did not make any progress with sobriety.

Then, even AFTER that... then stopping AA and deciding I could certainly moderate, I went on for another year and a half. Most of that year and a half - actually almost two - was spent in various 'secret' attempts to control my drinking. It didn't work. It got progressively worse. It was all the things that 'they' said in AA... all the things I've heard in others' stories... it was a pattern and I was watching it happen - helplessly. Until I was "exposed" in an incident where I could not pretend or hide anymore, and went back to AA and humbly told people the truth - I was stuck.

But, when I did that.... it began to work. That was over 6 months ago.

And things are really, really good.

I hope that you don't consider yourself helpless against an incurable disease and destined to drink. Whether or not you have a disease, you are addicted to an addictive substance.

Bupropion (Wellbutrin) gave me headaches for a few days and then changed. So, you could stick to it for a while and the headaches might go away. I drank on it once and felt horribly depressed the next day. So, it acts like antabuse for me.

krissy, if bupropion didn't work, try something else. Drugs or methods, you keep trying different approaches until something works. The alternative, at least for me, is pain, ruin, and an ugly death.

I'm sooooo scared. Summer is hard, everyone is drinking like everyday, it's sunny, let's drink, sitting at the beach, let's drink. Having a bbq, let's drink. Lunch time, lets drink. (Quote)

That's what I first thought too, but the reality is normal people are not drinking all the time, that was just us select few.
Wishing you well.

Bingo. Most people aren't drinking everyday, in fact very very few are. After getting some sobriety under your belt, you begin to see this. Normal people don't really drink that much, and if they do, they have 1 or 2 tops.

I have struggled myself the past few years, after my last binge, I decided I would try replacing the alcohol for fitness. I have taken up cycling and walking. My AV was trying to temp me earlier today, I managed to divert my thinking to my new hobbies. For me, it's not just about leaving out the drink, but changing all old habits and trying to set yourself positive goals. Day 8 here and feeling good. I want to hold onto this.

I have also taken antabuse but made me feel sicker than a dog. My goal of course is to be sober the rest of my life. I think that everyone here's goal is. Saying 30days just makes it look less scary I suppose. Being sober I know is going to be the only qay. Period. I cannot drink because one turns into 2turns into 5turns into **** I ran out. Friday turns into Saturday turns into Sunday turns into 3weeks and I can't rwmeber the last time I didn't have. Beer when 5 o'clock hit.and it's rediculous that I can drink a 6pack of cider and just feel plesantly buzzed , totally unacceptable thy I have been doing this to myself.