SparkyMcSparky

Well today is day 1 of no drinking.......feels like when I stopped smoking. Contemplating a life without drinking is as incomprehensible as contemplating what a life without smoking would be. However, I beat that, so I should be able to beat this.

A bit about myself:
- The latest in a long family line of alcoholics
- I don't need to drink everyday, but when I do drink, I can't stop
- I have a cupboard full of hard liquor I never touch - beer is the problem
- I like to get drunk/buzzed a few times a week. I don't drink everyday, but when I do, 98% of the time it is to excess.
- My doc had diagnosed me with depression and an anxiety disorder, and in fact has said I exhibit signs of manic-depression, anxiety disorder, and PTSD
- Alcohol makes me happy. At least while I'm drinking it.
- Alcohol makes me engage in risky and self-destructive behaviours that seem incredibly stupid when I am sober (I can't believe I ___________).

The main trigger for me to stop drinking is that my wife has had enough. Last night, she threatened to leave and take the kids with her. If this happens, I will drink myself into a coma and die. So really I have no choice - sober up or die. Yes, it is that black and white.

The sad part is that I actually view this as a saw-off choice; drinking myself to death (right now) seems like as attractive an option as stopping drinking to keep my family together.

Other than drinking, I have no other addictions or vices. For my depression and anxiety, the doc has me on 75mg of Effexor daily. This seems to have leveled off my mood swings, and has helped my anxiety levels a huge amount.

Just looking for some encouragement here, and wanting to hear about the success of others. Knowing others can do this will provide me with the hope I can do it to.

GracieLou

Welcome to SR. There is a lot of information and support here. Have you thought about a recovery program yet?

I am glad you are here.

SparkyMcSparky

Thanks GL,

Not a big fan of the recovery programs I have looked at, but I do have a friend who also stopped drinking 23 years ago. He may end up being my program.

GracieLou

That is good that you have some support. I could not have gotten sober without it. Does your friend use a program or did they just quit? Just curious.

My advice is to keep an open mind. Remember, nothing changes if nothing changes.

Gilmer

Keep posting on SR! If you are willing, people here will grab you by the collar and drag you through to sobriety if you post when you are faltering!

Life really will be better and clearer when you are sober. Living sober is a far more fruitful and happy choice than dying drunk. It takes a few months sometimes to get yourself fully on board, and it takes time to develop a life full of sober interests--but before you know it, the time comes when you wish there were more hours in a day to cram all the richness in!

SparkyMcSparky

Hi GL, they just decided to quit, and did. This is the same way I quit smoking, so it seems it should hopefully be a good approach.

Gilmer, I have plenty of interests that work both sober and drunk. It will be interesting to see if I still have them once I'm 100% sober. Though I did joke with a co-worker the other day that I was trying to drink less (which I was) and that life is more boring when sober.

Have a pretty good group of friends, but all of them drink (at least socially) - I think this is where the main challenge will come in.

Gilmer

You may end up changing some things--and some friends. Many people on here have had to drop old acquaintances because they keep hounding them to drink. And the longer you're sober, the more boring other people's drunken escapades look!

GracieLou

It may work for you and it may not. You never know until you try.

The one thing I will point out is that while quitting smoking is very difficult, nicotine does not cause impaired vision, irrational behavior, blackouts, vomiting, hangovers, guilt, shame, denial, arguments or DUI’s. I can’t think of one time that I missed work because I smoked or got in an argument with my spouse over my cigarette use.

Just something to think about.

I am an alcoholic. I could not just stop drinking. I relied on it like I do my right arm.

SparkyMcSparky

Interesting way to look at it GL. However, smoking can damage a family as much as alcohol does - lost a good friend a few years ago at 42 to tobacco, and his SO had lost her father to tobacco as well.

Don't get me wrong - I am not anti-tobacco; it is a life choice, and I do love the effects of tobacco. I just don't want to die of lung cancer or a heart attack.

GracieLou

I completely agree.

I was a smoker too and while I may have gotten a relaxing effect from it I never got a mind altering effect. I did not get drunk from cigarettes.

My goal when I drank was to get a buzz, at least at first. I never had control over my drinking. I always got drunk and hated if I had to moderate like at a party. It pissed me off and made me uncomfortable. I wanted to drink without restrictions because the craving to drink more and more was never satisfied even when I was intoxicated to the point of blackout.

It became so ingrained in my life that I did not know how to live life without it.

I drank that way for 26 years. For me, it was not as easy as just not drinking. I didn't know how not to drink.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum!! It's great to have you onboard!!

ForgetfulKevin

Sparky, congratulations on making this choice!

It's good that you wrote down that OP -- you can keep referring to it in the days to come.

Persistence and patience will help you back away from that cliff of apathy and destruction.

Glad that you have a doctor involved for the anxiety and depression, and also that you are not doing this completely on your own.

One day at a time to craft a new life ...

Wishing you and yours well!

aborkie

What kind of health are you in? I would see a doctor again about the drinking. You may need to be scared straight, because it sounds like you don't care much, especially if you overlook your family. Wish you the best. Good luck.

SparkyMcSparky

I think that I see the choices as a saw off is what has driven me to this forum. I love my family more than anything in the world. Apparently I love drinking almost as much. My health is good as of last physical, so nothing for the doctor to really scare me straight with.

krissypie1803

Today is my day 1 as well. I'm so scared. But at least we are not alone in this. Good luck and all the best

aborkie

Hopefully you can get some help here. If you don't care enough about yourself think about your family at least. They must be going through a lot.

SixSongs

Welcome!! I don't think you should quit drinking just for your wife. You should do it for yourself as well.

SparkyMcSparky

Well, today is day 2, and day 1 could not have worked out any better.

We had a work function last night where alcohol was being served, but I went into this already knowing that I could not have any (0, zilch, nada) drinks. So I started with a mocktail, and drank coffee and water the rest of the evening. Plus I ate a lot so I was full.

Best part was we had a very good time, and allowed me to see that you can have fun without alcohol. Ended up with a happy wife, and feel very good this morning.

Nothing like positive reinforcement when you are on the first day of a life change.

Really, as much as I liked drinking, I have had a hard time in the last few days thinking of anything positive alcohol has done in my life. Still thinking, and haven't really come up with anything.

aborkie

Good job. You can get on a roll now. It gets better and better.

Butterfly

I wish you all the best in your recovery and keep posting on SR you will get lots of support