I am starting over

Old 07-09-2014, 11:02 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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I feel really bad. My mom keeps phoning and telling me that they cried all night and her heart is broken and she thinks my dad is going to have a heart attack.
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Old 07-09-2014, 11:27 AM
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Sorry, but I don't think your mom is helping. Do you need to answer the phone?

Focus on your own feelings. Your mom has no idea what she's doing telling you that stuff; I'm sure if she did, she wouldn't.

Good luck. I'm a day oner today too.
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Old 07-09-2014, 11:32 AM
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I'm going to the cinema to take my mind off everything. I'm going to see The Fault in Our Stars. Then my best friend suggested that I take a cab over to her place. We've been friends since I was about five years old. I really am lucky to have her and her husband in my life.
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Old 07-09-2014, 11:34 AM
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Hey Tetra, they probably think that your back drinking again full time, but that's not the case, here and now your Sober and that's the important thing.

If it was me I'm not too sure I would have told my family, as the reaction was always going to understandably be from the viewpoint of concerned parents.

SR though understands the situation!!
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Old 07-09-2014, 11:44 AM
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Meetings can be great, but they are no substitute for the spiritual awakening that comes from taking the 12 Steps and recovering from alcoholism. Just saying...
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Old 07-09-2014, 11:47 AM
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I have certainly been there. One of my friends burned his arm with a cigarette in front of me and told me that that is how I make him feel... And, people told me they have to teach themselves not to care about me anymore, for their own sanity.

I have tried to express to people that I intend to demonstrate my sobriety, rather than saying i am going to change and that I am as outraged as they are about my addictive behavior.

You are here working to overcome the addiction.
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Old 07-09-2014, 11:53 AM
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Yeah, I know. I have to answer the phone every two hours. I said I was going to the cinema and my mom told me to call when it is over.

I am looking for a sponsor at the moment but I just can't find one. I really want to do the steps.

My therapist (who has 30+ years of sobriety) asked me which meetings I went to, and I told him. He said "God, a rough crowd go there"...
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Old 07-09-2014, 12:53 PM
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I hope the movie helps. It is very sad so please be prepared for that...I saw it with my daughter and we both cried a lot.

Maybe your therapist can suggest a better meeting if he has experience with the local meetings?
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Old 07-09-2014, 03:57 PM
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You have to answer the phone every 2 hours? Says who? Your mom loves you, and her heart is in the right place, but maybe you'd be better off doing this by yourself this time around. Remember that we're here for positive, non-judgmental support, and you also have your meeting crowd, psych, and friends.
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Old 07-09-2014, 04:21 PM
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You need to free yourself from your mum Tetra.
All your posts here centre or mention her.
It is not healthy and I think your mum is being super manipulative with what she is saying.

I take it you are now home alone while they are on holiday?
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Old 07-09-2014, 04:50 PM
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Keeping it simple!
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Try not to dwell on the "starting over". In essence you have 8 months of sobriety that NO ONE can take away from you. You did it and you can do it again.

Focus on what kept you going those 8 months and take stock to see what you can do different this time. This journey is all about learning. You already know you can do this.
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Old 07-09-2014, 05:19 PM
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Originally Posted by Tetra View Post
I have to answer the phone every two hours. I said I was going to the cinema and my mom told me to call when it is over.
Why do you need to answer the phone every two hours? Tetra, in early recovery, it's SO important to do what is right for YOU. Not for your mother. I'm sure her intentions could be good, but she is not helping you right now. Going to the movies and spending time with a friend is a very good idea.
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Old 07-09-2014, 05:24 PM
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Sending you some love Tetra - so sorry you're hurting - but you're back, & that's what matters.

I agree with Anna - you must do what's right for you. My mother said those same words to me, "You broke my heart" & it was like a knife - not helpful at all. Not sure what people intend to accomplish when they say these things. Prayers for you to get back on track and enjoy your life once again. We're all with you.
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Old 07-09-2014, 06:16 PM
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You mother making you feel guilty and trying to control you is certainly not helping, as others have said.

Maybe you need to get some real distance from her in some way.
I really have noticed she doesn't seem helpful or particularly supportive of your recovery.
You are the important person here dealing with this, not her.
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Old 07-09-2014, 07:15 PM
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Sorry you lost your way. So happy to hear you finding it again. Stay connected. We can make it against this thing together.
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Old 07-09-2014, 08:21 PM
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Hey Tetra

Sorry to hear about your past relapse. Now it is past. Move on, pick yourself up and restart the recovery plan !
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