Early recovery, and you can't avoid stress: What do you do?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Leipzig
Posts: 35
Early recovery, and you can't avoid stress: What do you do?
Please share some tools you've used.
Making plans are fine; what happens when something hits you in the face? How do you deal?
In other words, how do you plan for the unexpected? Thanks.
Making plans are fine; what happens when something hits you in the face? How do you deal?
In other words, how do you plan for the unexpected? Thanks.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
That's when a good support system comes in to its own July1 
I had to learn I was going to have to deal with difficult or uncomfortable situations emotions or people and not drink over them - so I needed a strong network and a willingness to use it.
Often newly sober we have a low opinion of our capabilities and a high level of fear about being in stressful situations.
With time patience and effort we cam get through these situations sober, and increase our confidence and lessen our fear
Have faith July1 - you can do this
D
I had to learn I was going to have to deal with difficult or uncomfortable situations emotions or people and not drink over them - so I needed a strong network and a willingness to use it.
Often newly sober we have a low opinion of our capabilities and a high level of fear about being in stressful situations.
With time patience and effort we cam get through these situations sober, and increase our confidence and lessen our fear
Have faith July1 - you can do this
D
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
I don't try to plan for situations. There are too many to anticipate. Unexpected stuff happens to me nearly every day. Instead, I plan for my emotional response to situations. There are just a handful of those, and I can predict with a high degree of certainty that I will experience all of them at some point in the future. Stress/anxiety is one of those emotional responses.
None of my emotional response plans involve alcohol. It is off the table.
For stress: Breathe in, breathe out, repeat until my mind is sufficiently clear to resolve the problem or deal with its effects.
Anxiety is almost always higher in early sobriety. It gets easier, but it takes a few months.
You can do this.
None of my emotional response plans involve alcohol. It is off the table.
For stress: Breathe in, breathe out, repeat until my mind is sufficiently clear to resolve the problem or deal with its effects.
Anxiety is almost always higher in early sobriety. It gets easier, but it takes a few months.
You can do this.
Crazy Cat Lady
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,661
Just over a month ago, my husband walked into our bedroom and woke me up. Something was wrong. Very wrong. He was supposed to be at work. He told me he had bad news. Our pets were fine and his job was fine. "It's your uncle..." "Uncle Mark's dead, isn't he?" "Yes." "It's suicide, isn't it." "He jumped from a bridge." "Okay."
Nothing could have prepared me for that. I knew he'd been going through some very bad times. He was so special to me. My mom's only sibling, he made me feel amazing. When i was with Uncle Mark, he made me feel like i was the most wonderful person he knew. I was the cat's meow. All my inadequacies fell away and i was his "favorite niece." And now he's dead and gone, unable to live in a world where his partner of over 30 years no longer lived.
His memorial is a week from Saturday. My mom's been a mess dealing with him and Greg's belongings. Uncle Mark's ashes arrived last week. Mom was pretty upset. I'm all the way across the country and all i can do is listed to my Mom cry. I feel really lost and to be honest, i find myself thinking of him during the late hours of the night when i can't sleep. A drink would knock out the thoughts. I could get rip roaring drunk, pass out, wake up, repeat. I guess the thought of sinking into oblivion has it's appeal but i didn't do it the day i found out about Uncle Mark. It just didn't seem right. What would i gain? Feelings delayed aren't feelings resolved. Pain passes. All things pass. I'm now to feel my lows because i know that as long as i don't feed the sadness, it will pass from me and i will be open for new feelings to flow in. I can't spend my life seeking intense pleasure or wallowing in intense pain and darkness. Instead, i think about living in the river of my life, flowing ever onward. There are lazy currents, rapids and fallen logs and rocks. Living in the flow of my life, i experience all of these things and they pass. Or maybe, it's that i pass from feeling to feeling, ever changing but mostly just passing peacefully.
If i don't invite chaos and negativity into my life, i find that bad feelings have a harder time finding purchase in my soul. Drinking makes me seek intense feelings. I guess that's part of the reason i drink the way i do. I can't live in the dizzying highs or the devastating lows anymore. Instead, i seek the upper middle as my natural state. It works, so long as i remember to let my intense feelings pass.
Sorry, this is really rambling. Heavy thoughts are in my head tonight. Still, no craving. Just solace in the knowledge that i don't have to drink to make these thoughts go away. I just have to open my hands and let them go when they will. Everything passes. It's up to me to invite in the feelings that i can live with. Intense joy and sorrow are exhausting. Practice living in the middle. Don't chase joy or run from sorrow. Let them come into your life and let them leave when they will.
Nothing could have prepared me for that. I knew he'd been going through some very bad times. He was so special to me. My mom's only sibling, he made me feel amazing. When i was with Uncle Mark, he made me feel like i was the most wonderful person he knew. I was the cat's meow. All my inadequacies fell away and i was his "favorite niece." And now he's dead and gone, unable to live in a world where his partner of over 30 years no longer lived.
His memorial is a week from Saturday. My mom's been a mess dealing with him and Greg's belongings. Uncle Mark's ashes arrived last week. Mom was pretty upset. I'm all the way across the country and all i can do is listed to my Mom cry. I feel really lost and to be honest, i find myself thinking of him during the late hours of the night when i can't sleep. A drink would knock out the thoughts. I could get rip roaring drunk, pass out, wake up, repeat. I guess the thought of sinking into oblivion has it's appeal but i didn't do it the day i found out about Uncle Mark. It just didn't seem right. What would i gain? Feelings delayed aren't feelings resolved. Pain passes. All things pass. I'm now to feel my lows because i know that as long as i don't feed the sadness, it will pass from me and i will be open for new feelings to flow in. I can't spend my life seeking intense pleasure or wallowing in intense pain and darkness. Instead, i think about living in the river of my life, flowing ever onward. There are lazy currents, rapids and fallen logs and rocks. Living in the flow of my life, i experience all of these things and they pass. Or maybe, it's that i pass from feeling to feeling, ever changing but mostly just passing peacefully.
If i don't invite chaos and negativity into my life, i find that bad feelings have a harder time finding purchase in my soul. Drinking makes me seek intense feelings. I guess that's part of the reason i drink the way i do. I can't live in the dizzying highs or the devastating lows anymore. Instead, i seek the upper middle as my natural state. It works, so long as i remember to let my intense feelings pass.
Sorry, this is really rambling. Heavy thoughts are in my head tonight. Still, no craving. Just solace in the knowledge that i don't have to drink to make these thoughts go away. I just have to open my hands and let them go when they will. Everything passes. It's up to me to invite in the feelings that i can live with. Intense joy and sorrow are exhausting. Practice living in the middle. Don't chase joy or run from sorrow. Let them come into your life and let them leave when they will.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
I'm with Marie on this one..... exercise. If I'm running, biking, roller skating, hitting the gym with intensity, hiking..... anything really that gets my body moving and my heart rate up and provides an outlet. It's essential.
Also - simply coming here to help remind myself I'm not alone; in the journey of sobriety or in the experience of stress.
Having someone to talk to is also huge. I've used AA as a support for life stress, I've used therapists, I've turned to close friends or my Lady.... but being able to talk about stress helps reduce its effect.
Meditation / Reduction in Coffee / Quality nutrition - these are all things that help but which I'm terrible at maintaining.
Also - simply coming here to help remind myself I'm not alone; in the journey of sobriety or in the experience of stress.
Having someone to talk to is also huge. I've used AA as a support for life stress, I've used therapists, I've turned to close friends or my Lady.... but being able to talk about stress helps reduce its effect.
Meditation / Reduction in Coffee / Quality nutrition - these are all things that help but which I'm terrible at maintaining.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by July1 
In other words, how do you plan for the unexpected?
I did not have this simple tool many years ago
amazing how a short time outside with myself
can calm down most matters of the mind
which in my past have been known to put a drink in my hand
MM
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,697
You need to drink a lot of water. Stay hydrated.
Also eating is important. lower blood sugar = more moody and stressed
Breathing exercises. Big inhale and exhale
Cleared your head before dealing with the situation. Making decisions emotionally charged up does not end well because you can not think clearly
Also eating is important. lower blood sugar = more moody and stressed
Breathing exercises. Big inhale and exhale
Cleared your head before dealing with the situation. Making decisions emotionally charged up does not end well because you can not think clearly
Marchia in Aeternum
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 11,094
Non hit the nail on the head for me. I can't control the outside world but I can control my reaction to it.
I view outside stresses as exercise. You get a chance to flex your reaction control muscles and make them stronger.
I view outside stresses as exercise. You get a chance to flex your reaction control muscles and make them stronger.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,498
As hard as it seems, it's always a choice to allow myself to get caught up in something or not. The words of Desiderate say 'No doubt the Universe is unfolding as it should'. I say these words to myself a hundred times a day. it helps.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Long walks in the fresh air is my thing after work, it really cuts out all the stress from the day, rather than what I used to do, which was reaching for a drink.
We just need to adjust things, new routines to deal with the inevitable ups and downs of life!!
We just need to adjust things, new routines to deal with the inevitable ups and downs of life!!
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