I'm back....if you'll have me....
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Homestead Florida
Posts: 297
Hi Pam, I slept almost 15 hours due to insomnia the night before, so I just found your thread. I am so proud of you for pouring out that second one. I am so happy you are back with your SR family. Happy that you are going to a meeting. Keep on truckin'.
pray for strength
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New England
Posts: 2,414
Hi Raider,
Since joining SR I have read everything you write, although not all the responses. And like many who resonate with us, I find myself thinking about you and wondering how you are. Especially as I fold my baskets of laundry.
A few times I have not responded because after reading your initial posts, I have this overwhelming sense* that you hold a giant sorrow inside. The kind of sorrow that does not respond well to words. Not only this but I have the sense* that you hold a giant sorrow for which you are not to blame, yet you are the one who suffers and continues to struggle.
It makes me really happy to read that you will be looking into therapy and group support. Remember that one therapist is not the whole. Think about the qualities that you will respond to and seek these out.
*Like I have written before, I am not a clairvoyant, but I do have E.S.P. - Extra Special Polish. I'm not a trained Psyche professional and I do not compartmentalize very well. Just a person who, when coming across your posts especially, feels the need to grab a tissue. Normally I do not share these things but I have been here 2.5 months and plan to stick around. And please take with a grain of salt, if needed.
Now, a story about my husband. As I was gathering dirty laundry today the sunlight was shining just so through the sheer fabric of the curtains. A realization hit me...my husband has been using the curtain as a giant tissue.
"Someone once told me the definition of hell: the last day you have on earth, the person you become will meet the person you could have become." - somebody needs credit for this because it gives a lot of people goosebumps.
Since joining SR I have read everything you write, although not all the responses. And like many who resonate with us, I find myself thinking about you and wondering how you are. Especially as I fold my baskets of laundry.
A few times I have not responded because after reading your initial posts, I have this overwhelming sense* that you hold a giant sorrow inside. The kind of sorrow that does not respond well to words. Not only this but I have the sense* that you hold a giant sorrow for which you are not to blame, yet you are the one who suffers and continues to struggle.
It makes me really happy to read that you will be looking into therapy and group support. Remember that one therapist is not the whole. Think about the qualities that you will respond to and seek these out.
*Like I have written before, I am not a clairvoyant, but I do have E.S.P. - Extra Special Polish. I'm not a trained Psyche professional and I do not compartmentalize very well. Just a person who, when coming across your posts especially, feels the need to grab a tissue. Normally I do not share these things but I have been here 2.5 months and plan to stick around. And please take with a grain of salt, if needed.
Now, a story about my husband. As I was gathering dirty laundry today the sunlight was shining just so through the sheer fabric of the curtains. A realization hit me...my husband has been using the curtain as a giant tissue.
"Someone once told me the definition of hell: the last day you have on earth, the person you become will meet the person you could have become." - somebody needs credit for this because it gives a lot of people goosebumps.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: North salt lake
Posts: 3,325
LeThe - yes I think there is something there. I plan to see how I can deal with it effectively because apparently I have not. Thank you.
A Kleenex, sorry might have to get my purse and open up a can of whoop ass on him. !!!!
A Kleenex, sorry might have to get my purse and open up a can of whoop ass on him. !!!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
I'm going to point at the elephant in the room....(excuse me Fuzz, move over).
Did you NOT drink last night? Did you remove all the booze from your house so it is harder to drink? I could not have it around early on. too easy to pour one. my drinking depressed Fandy. (I removed his picture it came out too large)
Did you NOT drink last night? Did you remove all the booze from your house so it is harder to drink? I could not have it around early on. too easy to pour one. my drinking depressed Fandy. (I removed his picture it came out too large)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: North salt lake
Posts: 3,325
No I have not had a drop since I poured that one out on Monday night. That's why I changed my sobriety date. My FIL wants me to go to Wendover gambling Friday night with 4 or 5 other family members. I really would love to go. But I just don't feel strong enough to resist drinking while gambling. So I told him no. Crap.......
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
find something else to do that is fun and enjoyable 
....preferably vacation-like with ice cream...recommended by Ozzwaldo.
mommylovesme.jpg
....preferably vacation-like with ice cream...recommended by Ozzwaldo.mommylovesme.jpg
Keeping it simple!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 3,282
Originally Posted by Fandy 
find something else to do that is fun and enjoyable ....preferably vacation-like with ice cream...recommended by Ozzwaldo.
....preferably vacation-like with ice cream...recommended by Ozzwaldo.Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: North salt lake
Posts: 3,325
Lovely cat Fandy. And hey Fandy-chick, I am a big mouth. If I slip, I tell. I know I can get the most from your responses if you know the truth.....even if it takes me a day or two to pull the knives out of my front......not my back, it's right to my face. Appreciate that more than you know!!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
Mea Culpa!!! Raider, I missed the new date on the bottom of your signature....ahem, is there booze in the house though? if so, remove it, give it away if you can't dump it.
I don't post many pics of Ozzwaldo or young Hairy Perry (who is the Siamese lynxpoint same but long fluffy hair) unless Venus or Ann post for me. my phone pics go through dropbox which does not work with SR. that pic is an old one I had on my shortcuts. Perry is a maine coon and Siamese mix. like Prince Nicholai Stroganoff from youtube fame.
I don't post many pics of Ozzwaldo or young Hairy Perry (who is the Siamese lynxpoint same but long fluffy hair) unless Venus or Ann post for me. my phone pics go through dropbox which does not work with SR. that pic is an old one I had on my shortcuts. Perry is a maine coon and Siamese mix. like Prince Nicholai Stroganoff from youtube fame.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: North salt lake
Posts: 3,325
There is liquor in the house. My husband drinks it occasionally. I was adamant about no liquor in the house when I came out of rehab. I don't feel that way anymore. I'm not triggered by it or him. This is my problem. I will not project my alcohol problem on anyone else. I'll deal with it. I know some will want to argue with me. Please save your breath. I am not flexible with this issue. At all.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 6,224
Raider when I got sober I did it with SR and I did it with military precision. I hadn’t heard of a plan until after I stopped drinking, it was in my early days here. I knew I had a plan per se -- my plan was not to drink ever again -- but then I started thinking about how I was going to do that. I always started drinking when I got home from work and that would go on until early morning, I also drank when I went out for lunch or dinner so my first decision was to not go out for lunch or dinner for at least three months which I later extended to eight.
The second part was a bit harder, I couldn’t stop coming home at night so I had to change what I was doing when I got home. I found a soft drink I loved -- chinotto – and a nice tumbler, that was poured when I got in the door. I changed the evenings. If I watched TV I sat in a different chair from usual, I took up an old skill of knitting and made a “recovery” blanket for charity, I spent hours reading, posting and learning on SR, I often went for a walk in the evening, I increased my commitment to an online voluntary position and I remembered the joy of challenging reading.
Try planning. What will you do if you are tempted to drink? What will you drink instead? What sets off cravings and how you can you minimise that? What are you going to do with the time when you used to drink? It's all part of the plan.
Our recovery needs to be about putting good things into our lives not just taking something away.
You’ve made a decision about Friday, so what are you going to do instead? You would have spent $x so why not take those $x and make the evening special for you? DVD? Good chocolate?
Don’t just take stuff away, sobriety can be achieved in pleasant abundant surroundings, there’s no rule that it must be done in misery.
ETA I just read what you said about alcohol in the house, we have it too for the same reason -- just make sure it really is for him and not there "in case".
The second part was a bit harder, I couldn’t stop coming home at night so I had to change what I was doing when I got home. I found a soft drink I loved -- chinotto – and a nice tumbler, that was poured when I got in the door. I changed the evenings. If I watched TV I sat in a different chair from usual, I took up an old skill of knitting and made a “recovery” blanket for charity, I spent hours reading, posting and learning on SR, I often went for a walk in the evening, I increased my commitment to an online voluntary position and I remembered the joy of challenging reading.
Try planning. What will you do if you are tempted to drink? What will you drink instead? What sets off cravings and how you can you minimise that? What are you going to do with the time when you used to drink? It's all part of the plan.
Our recovery needs to be about putting good things into our lives not just taking something away.
You’ve made a decision about Friday, so what are you going to do instead? You would have spent $x so why not take those $x and make the evening special for you? DVD? Good chocolate?
Don’t just take stuff away, sobriety can be achieved in pleasant abundant surroundings, there’s no rule that it must be done in misery.
ETA I just read what you said about alcohol in the house, we have it too for the same reason -- just make sure it really is for him and not there "in case".
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
FWIW when I quit back in Oct of 2012 I seriously had no idea what I was doing!
It never occurred to me that quitting cold turkey could kill me, and frankly I didn't care at the time. Drinking had worn me down to the point that dying of withdrawals seemed preferable do dying slowly by inches from the booze. So I quit cold turkey. But oddly I had no withdrawals to speak of. I dunno why or how that's even possible given the prodigious levels I was drinking at the time (we're talking three bottles of wine or more every day, seven days a week).
There were good and bad days in the months and weeks to follow. Hell, there are good and bad days now! But my worst day sober is still better than my best day drunk.
It never occurred to me that quitting cold turkey could kill me, and frankly I didn't care at the time. Drinking had worn me down to the point that dying of withdrawals seemed preferable do dying slowly by inches from the booze. So I quit cold turkey. But oddly I had no withdrawals to speak of. I dunno why or how that's even possible given the prodigious levels I was drinking at the time (we're talking three bottles of wine or more every day, seven days a week).There were good and bad days in the months and weeks to follow. Hell, there are good and bad days now! But my worst day sober is still better than my best day drunk.
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