ontherightpath

Finally made 24 hours!! In the last month I have consumed alcohol daily. Not overdoing it, but trying to moderate. I hate it. I am so grateful to have over 24 hours behind me. I need to get back to the rooms or I need a new recovery plan. And I'm not looking for a speeel here. I'm being honest and open. I don't want to moderate. But I am so fearful of closing the door to alcohol all the way shut.

trident

I know how you feel.
For me, right now, I can only focus on making it through the next few hours. Then, I will deal with the next few hours after that.

It's too scary to think of never ever drinking again.

Nuudawn

Why? Sorry..I'm not being smug. Would you be able to describe your fears about it. I mean that.
What do you feel your barriers to sobriety are?

PurpleKnight

Great job on 24hrs!!

It's understandable to fear the unknown, and not drinking has the pretty much the unknown for some time for most, initially focus on the 24hrs at a time, and then after clocking up enough Sober time you can address all the wider questions.

When I first got Sober I sat down and wrote out all the things that were "scary" or I was "fearful" of about quitting alcohol, and I was surprised that a lot of it isn't tangible, it was more to do with fears about other things eg social life, boredom etc etc, it really helped me to separate the myth from the truth over quitting.

Keep pushing through!!

ontherightpath

Because every time I get some time under my belt, I get a chip on my shoulder. (At least that is how it's perceived), and, I'm constantly reminded by the normies in my life (there are a lot of them!!!) that a glass if wine or 3 at the end of the day is ok. AND I feel like I don't know how to do it anymore. I know WHAT I need to do--- because THEY TOLD ME WHAT AND HOW TO GO ABOUT THINGS-- but I don't know how to say to my kids and husband that "even though I haven't lost control, I want to go back to meetings"-- it sounds ridiculous as I type it out. I have worked out my life issues and found a place where I no longer pass judgement, I no longer have to lead the conversation, I trust people, I have faith in something much larger than myself. I avoid confrontation-- again control issues!!!--- i have learned (and like) to go with flow. I say I am sorry when I need to and others notice the change. I trust something bigger than me is working thru me! I have had a spiritual awakening!!!!!

But dammit, I haven't/can't put together days. Is the goal of recovery to stay sober ??? and possibly be cranky? Or is it to get over the issues that brought us to the dark place and put no pressure on ourselves to live as normal as possible?

trachemys

Is it easier or more desirable to you to quit completely as opposed to maintaining moderation?

Are you trying to maintain moderation for other's wants and needs or for yours?

Your posts sound like a journey of self-discovery. Maybe you aren't finished with that.

Gilmer

It is normal in quitting to go through some mood changes. You are fighting a very strong urge within yourself in quitting alcohol. It is only natural that you might be somewhat snappy sometimes. If you are convinced that your decision is right, and you have peace about it (your spiritual awakening can help with this), the irritability will be temporary.

Sometimes loved ones are afraid to allow the status quo to change. Don't be afraid of displeasing them. Normies don't really understand what alcohol does to us, or how it is impossible for us to moderate.

My main normie was disappointed at first that I stopped drinking completely: he thought I was more fun when I drank (except when I got totally trashed--then I was a mess).

After a few months, though, he noticed improvement in my self-respect, character and confidence--and now he's my biggest support. He's really in my corner every step of the way.

I hope that wasn't a spiel! Sorry if it was!

Just don't worry about the irritability.

ReadyAtLast

This really jumped out at me. I think this is a pretty good start. I am trying this too.

Maybe accept that people will think certain things but you don't need to persuade them of why you are not drinking.They don't need to understand. As long as you do that's ok

Dee74

hi ontherightpath

I dunno about anyone else, but I could not have stayed sober if it meant I was forever cranky.
I had people telling me too 'for gawdssake have a drink and relax'.

I finally accepted where that drink would ultimately take me, and I stayed sober...

Gradually, the crankiness lifted and my emotions stabilised again

I'm sure yours will too - but you need to go through that early recovery rollercoaster...we all do.

Have a little faith - none of us would stay sober if we felt we'd lose out on the deal.

Your loved ones may not understand, but they will come to be very much ok with a happy, fulfilled, and peaceful sober you

D