New beginnings
 

Hello to this site. My name is Liv, I am 20 years old, I love creating art and exploring. Writing and reading are two calming activities that I have been truly loving since I was very young. Currently I am not working or going to school, but I am looking for a job and hoping to take phlebotomy classes this coming fall, with the goal of being a phlebotomist. I recently became engaged to the love of my life and my very best friend and am very happily and terribly in love. My fiance and I are both struggling with the same thing; heroin addiction. It has made life so much more difficult for the both of us and has led my depression down an incredibly dark road. Constantly stressed, sad, and generally disappointed but mostly, utterly lost. What should be a good time in my life has turned into something nightmarish. This addiction is consuming me and as much as I hate it, I do not want to stop using heroin. I truly wish I wanted to and I hope to find that want soon.
My fiance introduced me to this site. I tried it out by making a post on his account and overwhelmed with the support, I decided to make my own account. What I am looking for is any kind of advice, to hear others struggles and gains, to have more support in my life and to hope to give some to others. Who I am on heroin is not who I want to be. Yet it is so hard to imagine my life without dope.
Simply, I am lost and looking for a way back.

Welcome Liv. Alcohol was my DOC but we all understand addiction here. You might try the substance abuse forum off the main page as well but you are certainly welcome here too.

Welcome again Liv :)

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Hi Liv, welcome to SR. I'm an alcoholic, sober now, and the thought of giving up my best friend was really scary. I motivated myself by looking forward in time, working out where my path was taking me. It was scary; damage to my body and mental health, turning into the sort of person I never wanted to be. My life isn't perfect sober, but it's like a huge burden has been removed. Whatever else goes wrong, I don't have that worry any more, and I love that I had the strength to leave my 'friend' wine.

You have some motivation; how can you get more? What do you fear most about heroin addiction? Where will you be 5 years down the road? Where is it leading? Will it stop you having children?

Welcome Liv. There is a wonderful caring community here. Your words about being lost struck me deeply. Sobriety (from whatever that may be) is very much about being found when you surround yourself with folks who understand.

ScottFromWI Thank you, I will definitely try that out! Best wishes to you.

Dee74 I'm very glad to be here with my very own account, thank you so much for being so welcoming and helpful!

FeelingGreat congratulations on your sobriety, seeing that is truly inspiring and makes me realize even more so that it is possible to live a happy sober life. I never wanted to face what heroin would do to my future but doing so has put so much in perspective. Hearing all of these different stories gives me motivation to succeed. My biggest supporter is my fiance, whom has given me and continues to give me motivation to succeed and beat this. I want to beat this to improve our lives. My goal in the next few years is for us both to have steady jobs that we enjoy, to have our own place, get married...just be happy and healthy, without addiction following us. If we decide to have children in the future, which we both really do at some point, I want to be as healthy as I can be; currently heroin is running my body ragged. If we continue this life style, neither of us will live to see our dreams come true. I do want children, and I will not bring a child into this world until I am clean, settled, and able to provide them with everything. That also motivates me to get it all together. Thank you for those questions, they made me think a lot about what this is doing to me and how it could ruin future hopes. I refuse to let it win. I have absolutely decided that.

Nuudawn it is so easy to feel lost when caught up in addiction. It's almost dehumanizing. One reason I write in such detail here and will continue to do so is for the hope of someone who feels the same to be able to connect with it, and maybe feel slightly less lost themselves. I am so lucky to have a partner who gives me so much support, along with my friends and this community, already. Thank you so much. You are in my thoughts!

Recovering from heroin and then becoming a phlebotomist would be a weird experience I imagine.

I know someone who followed a methadone program and smoothly transitioned off heroin. I stopped, way back, by being arrested and sent to an in patient facility along with having spent all of my money and had my car breakdown which I left were it was.

I have only stopped addictive behavior when it became too painful to continue. The SMART people have exercises that have helped me with maintenance. If you haven't looked into that yet, I think the exercises are useful if not a complete method to follow. That plus community like this forum and meetings if you are near them. I only ever attended one NA meeting and it was a bunch of people bragging about how much drugs they have used, so I never went back.

Of the places that have meetings near me, I like the humility and amends part of 12 step programs. The community of lifering. And the method of SMART.

BobArctor I imagine it sounds quite strange. Although for the six plus months since I was using again, needles were only used a handful of times. Sniffing it has been the main method. I've wanted to be a phlebotomist ever since I was diagnosed with an auto immune disease and had to have blood drawn every few months. I understand the fear some have of getting blood drawn, specifically children, and I would love to be a pediatric phlebotomist. I work very well with kids and my wish is that I could make a slightly scary experience not so scary at all.
My therapist told me NA might not be the best idea. I have heard a lot of bragging about drug use, which I cannot stand. Also, I do not need to meet anyone else with connections. I hope that doesn't sound cruel. Most programs where I live are super expensive. I have never heard of SMART, but it seems like something I should look into. Thank you for commenting and your suggestion! Wish you well.

Welcome Liv to your own login!! :)

Hey Liv,

I've just posted this on your finance's thread, will copy-pase for you to see as well:

"Best of luck to both of you! I like your plan to do this as a team. That was also one of my wishes several years ago in a relationship with another alcoholic. In my case, it remained a wish back then because none of us were ready and committed enough. You two sound like you are, and at the same time - and that young - awesome, go for it and do whatever it takes to succeed!!"

It sounds like you do want to change your life and future for the better but are still attached to what you know now about life and your feelings to it. *This* kind of attachment to what's known for you is probably one thing that should be broken in order for you to succeed. Are you guys considering some form of professional treatment? Inpatient or outpatient rehab, therapy, any peer support program? It sounds like you are into trying this as a team, this is one reason why I am suggesting organized support in the 3D world.

You sound like a young lady with a lot of potential - make this effort stick and then both of you will be in a better position to realize all those things! Good luck :)