Smichaef

Well, looks I came to the right place. 27 year old male. Problem with drinking is major binge drinking on weekends. Recently problems develop where I black out, flirt with girls in front of my girlfriend, then disappear on her (I'm always with friends who watch out for me and keep me safe). Then I show up later with no memory of my actions and wonder why she is mad. Happened once and she forgave me. I thought I could limit my drinks on my own and did well for awhile. it happened this weekend and I may have lost her for good. She went on family vacation and said she needed to sort head/heart out so may have a chance. I told her that I'm giving up on drinking. Have been needing to head this way for some time. Not doing it for her, but myself. She is just the catalyst I needed to finally say enough's enough. Will attend first AA meeting Thursday, would do it sooner but afraid I'll cry all over everyone of I meantion losing my girlfriend. Also reached out to counsler to maybe get some insight as to why I'm such a bad drunk towards the people I love, maybe something else I need to sort out beisdes drinking...

Anyways, advice & tips would be appreciated. Dear god it seems impossible to quit forever, and still maintian a social life, but have to do it. Evem if I lose this girl, I will be better.

Maybe something along the lines you told your significant other to give you a chance to prove you arent a loser, jerk, and to play the long game and stay with you...

Thanks.

Dee74

Hi and welcome Smichaef

I had to make some pretty big changes to be sure. I didn't lose my social life but it changed a lot.

I took some time out from almost everything in the beginning to focus on being sober.

It was a couple of months but I still think that was a great investment.

But...do it for yourself Smichaef, not for your GF.

Do it because you're really sick of this stuff

D

Smichaef

For myself. I do hate how I behave. I hate how I feel. Guilt/shame is destroying me and that is something new I have developed these last few years. Lost more than a few dear friends along the way because of how I am when I'm really drunk. I'm just now learning I cant handle drinking at all, so now I dont drink.

Jjmarty

I am in the exact same situation as you. I had my chance and I changed but I didn't keep on it and I failed again and this time she may be gone for good. I was blacking out and doing stupid things and twice I got violent and broke things. Seeing a psychologist will help you greatly but you may have to continue seeing one for awhile. My problem was I stopped becuase I thought I had it figured out so you must continue to see one and figure out what the underlying problems are that are causing this behaviour. But most importantly you need to quit drinking first and make these major changes. It may be that you will never be able to drink again and you have to accept that but you need to fix you and I can't stress that enough. You don't want to end up like me, I was given multiple chances but couldn't figure it out and fell back to drinking and it spiralled out of control and I lost everything that mattered to me. Get all the tools you need and start changing your life for the better. This forum is grata place, if you feel the urge to drink, come here and stop yourself before it's too late. And trust me you do not want to lose your gf like I did.

HakunaMatata

I can relate to you as well. I'm a 25-year-old female and my big issue was binge drinking on the weekends and overdoing it/blacking out over half the time...doing stuff completely out of character, treating my friends badly, putting myself in dangerous situations, getting in legal trouble etc. It got to the point, however, where I'd feel guilt, shame, anxiety, even if I controlled myself. I realized there was nothing left in a drink for me. I'm newly sober, but for me, a big mental change was accepting that my social life was going to change and that I was going to find new ways to have fun. I accepted that I would lose some friends, but friends primarily based on drinking, who don't want to hang out with you if you decline drinks, are not true friends who know you deep down. It helps me to follow the first drink through and weigh the sequence of events with drinking verses without. I follow the drink through to the next morning and imagine myself curled up in bed, riddled with guilt, shame, anxiety, trying to piece together my night by looking at my calls and texts, and feeling like I have to throw up verses getting a solid night sleep, waking up fresh, getting a coffee, and heading to the gym or on a hike for a good workout. I'd recommend staying away from trigger situations (bars, parties, concerts, whatever that may be for you etc) in the beginning, but as time goes on, you'll realize you can do anything and everything your friends do...the only difference is you won't have a drink in your hand and you'll remember everything. Initially, being sober seemed like the end of my social world, but I'm slowly realizing that's not the case...it's just the beginning...there is so much out there and life is a lot clearer when you're not looking at it through the bottom of a glass. Good luck to you

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Smichaef!!

You'll find loads of support and advice here on SR!!

sectownkid

I lost multiple girlfriends due to this.. each time was a heartbreaker for both sides. It would always be promise after promise that I'd stop drinking, but alcohol/drugs were more important to me, so I would sink in a suicidal drug and alcohol fueled binge for a month or two until the next random hook up, shape up for a while with my new girlfriend, and then when she least expected it I would unleash the drug addicted alcoholic who stayed out all night, cheated and spent all the rent and food money. She would grow tired of my **** and peace out before I knew what hit me, and then I would fall back into a unbearable depression feeling remorseful and guilty.. The cycle would continue to repeat itself over and over.

If you are alcoholic, the blackouts are not gonna stop if you keep drinking moderately you have to quit for good. The incidents that take place will just get more and more drastic and eventually you WILL cheat on your girl, do some crazy **** that some people will likely resent you for, ruin friendships and throw your spiritual life off path. and probably lose this girl for life. Trust me you DON'T want to go down this route.

You sound like you're at a good spot to quit for good! Got your whole damn life ahead of you and too much to gain! Many of us have already lost a whole lot so I pray and hope you heed advice from us and just knock the drinking off before it knocks you off!

You got this homie!

Ian1977

I can relate to all of this , it's so scary and beat yourself up well did I do it again , I feel it's part of the process to finally quitting , you have to have this feelings and thoughts because it's a tool to use when you have a urge
If your parnter has had enough and heard it all before , tell them it would so sad for them to leave because they see the good in you and to leave now and miss out on an amazing future togther with drink and drugs would be such a shame , get help ,I go to adcap which has helped me and my life has transformed , drinking and drugs in your past not your future

Ian1977

This was interesting on radio 1 on sunday night
Go to radio 1 website type in radio1 /surgery
It's 6th July episode under alcoholism

Smichaef

Thanks, guys. A lot of the pain is possibly losing this girl. The good outweighs the bad right now and with my seeking help/drinking drinking, maybe she will say. She says she see that I am trying. Which is hopeful. Got my first AA meeting tomorrow at a local lutheran church which should be good. Got consoler meeting Friday as well.

Hakuna Matata, I would feel guilt/shame after having 2-3 drinks over an entire night. I think it just messes with my brain to much.

Anyways, feels good to talk to so people. That helps the most.

ultradad

Welcome, my only advise would be to get to that AA meeting sooner rather than later! The longer we put things off the easier it is for the disease to convince us we don't really need to go...least that's how it was for me.

Pulling for you!

SoberHoopsFan

Welcome aboard. Blackouts from binge drinking are no fun, and become worse over time. I did that for many many years, well past 27. I've also lost good women to the bottle (who in no way deserved my drunken outbursts, harsh words, and unfaithfulness that accompanied my binges). The good thing is, if you get sober now, you never have to worry about losing a girl for that reason again. If you keep drinking, it will always be a risk, as this pattern of behavior is usually impossible to control or moderate (at least it was for me and you sound similar).

Stick around this site, you can learn a lot of tools for sobriety here. You can do this man!