Having a hard time accepting
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Saskatoon
Posts: 13
Having a hard time accepting
Hey all,
I'm having a hard time accepting that I have problem. I had my first meeting today with a psychologist and I now have a plan. However, I am fearful that I may have damaged my relationship to a point where I don't know if this will be enough to fix it. My whole relationship I put so much stress on myself to make sure it was perfect and supporting 2 people wasn't easy. Instead of talking about this with my partner and being open about everything I let it bottle up inside and All of that negativity came out when I was black out instead of trying to express how I felt when I was sober. I'm scare that I lost the most important person in my life. The way she walked out I felt completely abandoned but I support her because after all I lost control and broke things in our home and verbally abused her. This is just hard to accept because I haven't been violent in my life. I need all of the support I can get. I swear I'm a good person and my intentions were good but I realize now I can't control a perfect life for us. I just wanted her to be happy and I was scared to fail. Wow did I ever screw up.
I'm having a hard time accepting that I have problem. I had my first meeting today with a psychologist and I now have a plan. However, I am fearful that I may have damaged my relationship to a point where I don't know if this will be enough to fix it. My whole relationship I put so much stress on myself to make sure it was perfect and supporting 2 people wasn't easy. Instead of talking about this with my partner and being open about everything I let it bottle up inside and All of that negativity came out when I was black out instead of trying to express how I felt when I was sober. I'm scare that I lost the most important person in my life. The way she walked out I felt completely abandoned but I support her because after all I lost control and broke things in our home and verbally abused her. This is just hard to accept because I haven't been violent in my life. I need all of the support I can get. I swear I'm a good person and my intentions were good but I realize now I can't control a perfect life for us. I just wanted her to be happy and I was scared to fail. Wow did I ever screw up.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
The thing about sobriety is well...you are in control of you which pretty much encourages a much better life.
I do hope you are able to accept you in fact do have a problem, the take all the efforts to remedy that.
Acceptance is usually the hardest part. Even after accepting it, you can forget. Been there done that and had to accept it all over again.
Welcome Marty.
I do hope you are able to accept you in fact do have a problem, the take all the efforts to remedy that.
Acceptance is usually the hardest part. Even after accepting it, you can forget. Been there done that and had to accept it all over again.
Welcome Marty.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
I'm really sorry that you're feeling so down right now.
It's sad, but true, that some of the things we do while drinking cannot be fixed. We have to accept that.
The best thing you can do right now is to stay sober and work on your recovery.
It's sad, but true, that some of the things we do while drinking cannot be fixed. We have to accept that.
The best thing you can do right now is to stay sober and work on your recovery.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
Welcome to SR Jjmarty.
I'm really glad you're here to talk things over and work on your sobriety. I drank for many years, and it turned me into someone I didn't recognize. I never knew what would happen once it was in my system. It had to go. You'll feel much better when you're free of it. You can do this.
I'm really glad you're here to talk things over and work on your sobriety. I drank for many years, and it turned me into someone I didn't recognize. I never knew what would happen once it was in my system. It had to go. You'll feel much better when you're free of it. You can do this.
Marchia in Aeternum
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 11,094
Forgetting all the rest, if you're having blackouts you have a real problem. Keep drinking and you could end up like me: coming to in jail.
Get cleaned up, make real changes and you may be able to salvage your life.
Get cleaned up, make real changes and you may be able to salvage your life.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Saskatoon
Posts: 13
From here I don't know how to start repairing my relationship. I know my actions will speak louder than my words but as of right now all I feel is of will only have my words to repair whatever I can. She has been texting me back, which I think is a good sign but I just feel the damage may already be done. I'm excited however to quit drinking and lead the life I really want to. I just hope that person will be apart of it
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,369
hey Jjmarty 
I know it sounds counter intuitive but you have to try and focus on your recovery for now.
Whether your relationship is resilient of not depends on how your partners sees this - I'm sure she needs time to figure all this out too.
Work on being the best you you can be - that way no matter what happens, you're on a path to something good
D
I know it sounds counter intuitive but you have to try and focus on your recovery for now.
Whether your relationship is resilient of not depends on how your partners sees this - I'm sure she needs time to figure all this out too.
Work on being the best you you can be - that way no matter what happens, you're on a path to something good
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 19
Hi JJMarty,
I'm in the same boat. In fact, but we have decided to get some couples therapy while I also deal with my recovery. I am having a hard time accepting the fact that I have a problem because all my friends drink but I seem to be the one that can't turn it off. It's very frustrating and my wife is tired of empty promises. But actions do speak louder than words and right now the best action you can take is clean up, get a plan together, and just work it. You'll be a better person than you ever thought possible! The future looks bright when you don't have to stare at it through a bottle anymore!
I'm in the same boat. In fact, but we have decided to get some couples therapy while I also deal with my recovery. I am having a hard time accepting the fact that I have a problem because all my friends drink but I seem to be the one that can't turn it off. It's very frustrating and my wife is tired of empty promises. But actions do speak louder than words and right now the best action you can take is clean up, get a plan together, and just work it. You'll be a better person than you ever thought possible! The future looks bright when you don't have to stare at it through a bottle anymore!
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: liverpool, england
Posts: 1,708
i was so like you when i first smashed the home up after a drinking binge and my poor ex had to suffer all sorts
i would be so ashamed of myself and try my hardest to make it up to her, but sadly i drank again and sure enough it would happen again and again and again
on and on this went until it soon becomes the norm for a drunk like me
the drinking get worse as i can not live with all the guilt and shame about me and i hate who i am
yet i can not see its the drink or i can see its the drink but i dont feel i can live without it and face me
i soon lose my job and my money, i soon start to hide away in my home, i soon start to end up getting arrested and ending up doing short stays in prison
but no matter what i can not give up that drink despite all my promises i will sort my life out or that i say i will never drink again
my life just goes down and down and i lose it all
only when i finally went along to aa and got my help did my life start to change around for the better, but i had to cause a hell of a lot of damage leading up to it
i hope you can find the help your looking for my friend and that you dont follow in my path and end up were i did
i would be so ashamed of myself and try my hardest to make it up to her, but sadly i drank again and sure enough it would happen again and again and again
on and on this went until it soon becomes the norm for a drunk like me
the drinking get worse as i can not live with all the guilt and shame about me and i hate who i am
yet i can not see its the drink or i can see its the drink but i dont feel i can live without it and face me
i soon lose my job and my money, i soon start to hide away in my home, i soon start to end up getting arrested and ending up doing short stays in prison
but no matter what i can not give up that drink despite all my promises i will sort my life out or that i say i will never drink again
my life just goes down and down and i lose it all
only when i finally went along to aa and got my help did my life start to change around for the better, but i had to cause a hell of a lot of damage leading up to it
i hope you can find the help your looking for my friend and that you dont follow in my path and end up were i did
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Hey Jjmarty, sometimes when I think I may not have a problem, I think about all the things I did when I drank and it all starts to flood back to me.
You don't want to be the person that you become when you drink, so the answer can indeed be found in your drinking.
You can do this!!
You don't want to be the person that you become when you drink, so the answer can indeed be found in your drinking.
You can do this!!
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