soberlife123

I slipped last night. Back to Day 1. My slip had very severe consequences and my fiancee was going to break up with me. There's been a giant falling out in our social circle and his best friend has unfriended me on FB.

Sometimes it feels like I'll never beat this

ScottFromWI

You can absolutely beat this if you really want it enough. For many, not drinking merely to avoid bad consequences was not a feasible recovery plan.

I'd start by looking at what you were doing to stay sober and see how it failed or what led you to drink last night. Call it a slip if you like but you consciously chose to pick up an alcoholic drink.

Regarding FB, i personally find it's highly unproductive even when you are sober - you might want to just take a break from it entirely until you can get yourself straightened out.

soberlife123

I guess I didn't have it through my head that I couldn't have 'just one drink' . I guess I hadn't fully accepted it....I was in a blackout I said some terrible things and I don't remember it at all.....Slip, relapse, same thing right?
I'm resetting my sobriety date to today

soberlife123

Sobriety date July 7, 2014

ScottFromWI

They all mean that you drank alcohol knowingly and willingly, yes. It's a lot more important to me personally to realize what actually happened than what we decide to call it. And even more important to learn from it and make a plan so it doesn't happen again.

Accepting that you cannot take the first drink is definitely a cornerstone of sobriety. Taking the first drink, on the other hand, means that we willingly and knowingly accept all of the bad things that will possibly happen afterwards.

Stoogy

You certainly can beat this beast, this battle is not you against alcohol it is you against you!

I found that my drinking improved when I found a balanced happiness and from there I managed (so far) to abstain completely.

I'm convinced you can win this war.

Ghostlight1

You're not alone. I went through many times thinking I could have just a few. It always ended up in disaster. Blackouts were common. Lost relationships. Lost opportunities.
For ten years I was either drunk or recovering from one.
I hope you can stay stopped this time. I remember you, you did it before. What did you do to stay sober?

It took me many starts and fits before I was totally able to abstain. These forums are great. It's been three and a half years for me, and I was a bad drunk, so it can be done. One day at a time.

Best to you.

soberlife123

I just worrry I've done irreparable damage now...

EndGameNYC

It's unfortunate that you allowed yourself to bring you back to your dark place and, though I don't believe I learned anything from my own three-year relapse, I think it's important to understand what brought you there.

I don't recall seeing you comment here recently, so I'm wondering out loud what you've been doing to support your sobriety.

soberlife123

I've been complacent in my sobriety I've been here reading just not posting. And then with the relapse I avoided the site last night out of shame and here we are at day one.

ScottFromWI

You may have, but probably not. What's important is taking steps to make sure it doesn't happen again. You can't undo what you've done, but you can prove today and moving forward that your sobriety is of the utmost priority.

biminiblue

Keep experimenting with this and you will do irreparable damage.

Stop. while you are still alive. Your consequences aren't so bad yet that you have lost your freedom, your husband, your internet connection, or your life.

It's just a matter of time, though.

Wastinglife

I certainly can relate to your situation lawgirl. I also have offended people while blackout drunk. I am sure that I have been left off the invitation list for many social events amongst my friends without even knowing it. The only thing you can do now is re-commit to being sober, apologize, and let time heal the wounds.

PurpleKnight

For me I needed to accept that a period of abstinence from alcohol in no way somehow cured or fixed me, the 1st drink would lead to the same place as it always did, getting drunk and blacking out!!

Try to focus on what you can repair, Sobriety is in your control, not drinking today and the next day is in your control, and everything else with regards people and relationships will work themselves out.

You can do this!!

soberlife123

I just can't believe I acted the way that I did..

PurpleKnight

I've been there and got the box of t-shirts!! . . . but nothing speaks louder than actions, get Sober, turn things around and people will see the real change in you, that will go a long way to repairing things!!

soberlife123

oh the joy of withdrawal. pins and needles , anxiety, sweaty bleh but I managed to keep some food down...

Rippstein

One day at a time, don't fall into the poor pitiful me thing, it happened, it's done. We never regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it, I learned from my relapse. Sobriety is a full time job, sometimes it's really really tough but the rewards are worth it! Tomorrow you'll feel better and say it's day 2, let's move on.

soberlife123

Baby steps....

Stoogy

That's all it takes, just keep making those steps and you will be just fine.