Raider, you are expressing a lot of concern about how others are reacting to your drinking. I wonder whether it is more important how you yourself are reacting to it.

Thinking about you this morning...

Much love at you girl. :)

Hi Raider. I was here when you first joined. I remember how terribly hard it was for you to get yourself into rehab. I remember after rehab how terribly hard it was for you to string together sober days. All of this has been hard. From my own experience, i have been in and out of this sobriety thing for years. 6 years of actual addmitance to a problem. My behaviors change for a time and then im back with my old friend self sabotage. I have a lack of coping skills here. You just cant give up Raider. Everyone will have an opinion about something. Thats a forum for ya. It matters what you think, how you live, your honesty, and the tools that you are going to use to live this life. If one of the goals here on the planet is to obtain happiness then alcohol and zanax are not the route. Im sure you know that. A false sense of happiness comes when under the influence. Seriously, we just have to deal with our ****. Its hard but not impossible.

Back on track is a good thing! Hang in there. :You_Rock_

It doesn't feel like dying 'til yer almost dead. Our gamble is not unlike the heroin junkie who wants to see/touch heaven's door w/out entering. Alcohol is more insidious in that it slowly takes the mind,body and spirit and just when we realize death is close, we wish to live. Trouble is, few have enough left in late stage to make that jump. Just facts-not trying to scare. Best Wishes but luck has nothing to do with it.

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I think that most of us suffer from "relapse fatigue" from time to time...People not getting sober on our schedule, or not doing as much as we think they should or in the ways we think they should do them becomes, at times, noxious and simply wears us down.

Many people here have dismissed AA as a means of recovery because they feel shunned when they continue to return to meetings following chronic relapsing. We are all only human and, most certainly, I believe, have movable but definite limits as to our tolerance for people injuring themselves and damaging their lives by doing what we ourselves have done.

Personally, your comments here or your rationalizations when you've relapsed neither offend me nor push me to place you on some mythical list of "lost causes," but I do appreciate others' frustrations. If you were a flake, heartless or without tremendous strength and courage when you've been sober, no one, I believe, would think twice about your relapsing. Your good heart and strength of character are what throw your relapses in sharper relief, knowing how much awaits you were you to remain sober.

I'm with you Pam. We get the support, we get the gentle nudge, we get the tough love...but how on earth do we deal with stress without alcohol/drugs? How many times a day do we go for a walk. have a bath, watch a movie, etc? Life doesn't wait for us. Most of us don't have the time to distract ourselves until the cravings pass. Most of us don't have the luxury to lock ourselves in a facility for 30 days or go to a meeting 3 times a week. Stress hits you when you less expect it and I am still trying to find a reasonable coping strategy. I am frustrated as well. *hugs*

Hey Patricia :)

I was not very good at feeling uncomfortable. By the end of my drinking days almost anything was a trigger for me to drink and not feel.

I think, no matter who you are, recovery is about learning how to deal with feelings again.

It's not going to be comfortable and you may indeed feel the urge to drink...but the more you push through it, and the more you get ok with feeling uncomfortable (or sad or bored or lonely or angry or stressed or whatever) the easier it gets and the more your confidence and capability will increase.

But it all starts with a willingness to be uncomfortable for a while...for a long term goal and the greater good :)

D

Embrace the pain instead of fighting it. I read that somewhere, was it Tolle? It totally makes sense...Thank you Dee!