I'm just done
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: California
Posts: 17
I'm just done
I signed up for this site on 6-24-14, but hadn't done anything with it. I don't even remember what inspired me to sign up originally. But now I know it is time and it is necessary. I typically drink a bottle of wine every night. But yesterday was different. I spent the day with someone that is messing with my head and my heart. I spent the evening reviewing the days events and before I knew it, it was 1:30 a.m., I am sitting on my porch and I am wasted. And very sad.
I have spent the day today making decisions. And this is what I have decided:
I am tired of being chronically dehydrated.
I am tired of being foggy in the morning.
I am tired of knowing that if someone I love needs my help after 6 p.m. at night, I won't be able to drive to them because I have been drinking.
I am tired of being unproductive because I would rather sit on my porch, drinking and smoking.
I am tired of drinking and smoking away my looks.
I am tired of allowing men to jerk me around because I don't believe I deserve anything better. Because I am flawed. Because I am an alcoholic.
It's so funny to me how many people don't believe that about me, that I am an alcoholic. I have a good job that I usually do well, I take good care of myself (other than the drinking and smoking), I have a cute house and a ton of friends (not all drinking buddies, thank gawd) and I always have a smile on my face. Even when I'm not drinking.
But I am an alcoholic. And I'm going to do something about it. I know my already good life will only get better. I want that. And it's time.
But I'm scared. I am a long term party girl and I don't know how to live any other way than the way I have been. It's hard for me to comprehend going out with friends and being sober. It's hard for me to visualize what I will do with myself after 5 p.m. I'm hoping that i will find inspiration in your stories.
So here I am. Looking forward to your comments and suggestions and support. Because I really need it.
Thank you for listening. :-)
I have spent the day today making decisions. And this is what I have decided:
I am tired of being chronically dehydrated.
I am tired of being foggy in the morning.
I am tired of knowing that if someone I love needs my help after 6 p.m. at night, I won't be able to drive to them because I have been drinking.
I am tired of being unproductive because I would rather sit on my porch, drinking and smoking.
I am tired of drinking and smoking away my looks.
I am tired of allowing men to jerk me around because I don't believe I deserve anything better. Because I am flawed. Because I am an alcoholic.
It's so funny to me how many people don't believe that about me, that I am an alcoholic. I have a good job that I usually do well, I take good care of myself (other than the drinking and smoking), I have a cute house and a ton of friends (not all drinking buddies, thank gawd) and I always have a smile on my face. Even when I'm not drinking.
But I am an alcoholic. And I'm going to do something about it. I know my already good life will only get better. I want that. And it's time.
But I'm scared. I am a long term party girl and I don't know how to live any other way than the way I have been. It's hard for me to comprehend going out with friends and being sober. It's hard for me to visualize what I will do with myself after 5 p.m. I'm hoping that i will find inspiration in your stories.
So here I am. Looking forward to your comments and suggestions and support. Because I really need it.
Thank you for listening. :-)
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Welcome to the posting side of things!! 
I think the biggest fear is how we will fill our time, that we'll be bored in the evenings, or our life will become boring without alcohol, but I would argue that our lives were already boring when we drank, becoming Sober merely proves it as we become worried about how much time we will have to fill, that we did nothing with but fill it with alcohol!!
You can do this, it'll be a learning curve, but it can be done!!
I think the biggest fear is how we will fill our time, that we'll be bored in the evenings, or our life will become boring without alcohol, but I would argue that our lives were already boring when we drank, becoming Sober merely proves it as we become worried about how much time we will have to fill, that we did nothing with but fill it with alcohol!!
You can do this, it'll be a learning curve, but it can be done!!
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
From one loooooooooooong time party girl to another...welcome. Go and buy yourself some nice new pajamas. Recovery requires a lot of self nurture and protection of your sobriety. Things will change... a lot if sobriety is truly what you want. I really hope so time2change. There are so many wonderful discoveries in sobriety.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,509
I'm glad you're here and deciding to embark on your recovery journey.
For me, the early evening was the hardest time and I began to leave the house and walk, a lot. It helped me in many ways, far beyond my expectation. When I got home, an hour later, the craving time had passed and I could move into an evening routine. My suggestion is to make small changes regarding your activities. You'll be surprised how there is a ripple effect of positive change in your life.
For me, the early evening was the hardest time and I began to leave the house and walk, a lot. It helped me in many ways, far beyond my expectation. When I got home, an hour later, the craving time had passed and I could move into an evening routine. My suggestion is to make small changes regarding your activities. You'll be surprised how there is a ripple effect of positive change in your life.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: California
Posts: 17
Thank you all so much for your quick responses. I'm so glad I logged in and said something.
I'm thinking this will be part of my new and improved "after 5" routine. ;-)
I hope you all are having a great day and I look forward to getting acquainted.
I'm thinking this will be part of my new and improved "after 5" routine. ;-)
I hope you all are having a great day and I look forward to getting acquainted.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,129
Hi time2change04!
I really liked your post. It is honest and earnest and positive.
Many times on SR a member will post about a craving or a relapse. And other members will invite them to look back at their first post. Heck, a lot of them will cut and paste it for you in their reply!
I gotta say, if that comes to pass with you, your first post will provide a great touchstone for continued motivation! You said it all really well!
Welcome to SR and I'm wishing you the most awesome sober life imaginable!
Best,
Melina
I really liked your post. It is honest and earnest and positive.
Many times on SR a member will post about a craving or a relapse. And other members will invite them to look back at their first post. Heck, a lot of them will cut and paste it for you in their reply!
I gotta say, if that comes to pass with you, your first post will provide a great touchstone for continued motivation! You said it all really well!
Welcome to SR and I'm wishing you the most awesome sober life imaginable!
Best,
Melina
Resident Awesome Guy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Castle Pines, CO
Posts: 747
Thank you so much for the post and welcome to SR!
You will find a ton of support here! I found that you need to keep yourself busy in the early days of recovery. I love to read so that is one thing (may i suggest Game of Thrones, its about 5000 pages). Having all the laundry/dishes/chores around the house is another.
Keep posting as well. We all need it as much as you do!
You will find a ton of support here! I found that you need to keep yourself busy in the early days of recovery. I love to read so that is one thing (may i suggest Game of Thrones, its about 5000 pages). Having all the laundry/dishes/chores around the house is another.
Keep posting as well. We all need it as much as you do!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: California
Posts: 17
C23,
So far I have folded laundry, changed purses, made a salad and ate it, written a "to do" list for tomorrow and now I'm going to vacuum. The night, however, is still young. May give myself a pedicure and start working on my plan for world domination. I don't really know what I want to dominate yet, though, so I may put that off until tomorrow.
Thank you for the book suggestion. I, too, am an avid reader but haven't been indulging in it. I don't think I need to say why...
I have just started "The Buddha Walks Into a Bar".
Thank you all for the encouragement. Day one: so far, so good. Yay!
So far I have folded laundry, changed purses, made a salad and ate it, written a "to do" list for tomorrow and now I'm going to vacuum. The night, however, is still young. May give myself a pedicure and start working on my plan for world domination. I don't really know what I want to dominate yet, though, so I may put that off until tomorrow.
Thank you for the book suggestion. I, too, am an avid reader but haven't been indulging in it. I don't think I need to say why...
I have just started "The Buddha Walks Into a Bar".
Thank you all for the encouragement. Day one: so far, so good. Yay!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Welcome to the posting side of things time2change04
I defined myself as the party guy...it ended up I actually forgot that wasn't the real me.
It's been great to rediscover who I am really am, and to define myself in different ways.
I know it will be great for you too
D
I defined myself as the party guy...it ended up I actually forgot that wasn't the real me.
It's been great to rediscover who I am really am, and to define myself in different ways.
I know it will be great for you too
D
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