HakunaMatata

Hey all,

So yesterday I went to a BBQ where there were family and friends. I had 11 days sober under my belt and was feeling pretty darn good physically and mentally. I went into it intending not to drink. All my triggers were firing: nice weather, smell of BBQ, other people drinking, baseball, friends...

After battling myself for a solid hour (devil on one shoulder, angel on the other) I eventually poured myself a glass of wine. I didn't feel good about the choice, but reallllly wanted it and of course rationalized it in my head. I took three small sips over the course of 10 minutes when it hit me: I didn't want it. It wasn't relaxing, I wasn't enjoying it, I didn't want to mess up my mental clarity...it just wasn't worth it and I had an aversion to it like never before.

I walked over to a friend, and gave her my glass of wine, just saying I didn't feel like it, which she willingly accepted without question.

I'm proud of myself for not finishing the drink and that I realized that it wasn't worth it (although a little bit late). I followed the drink through to the morning, and realized that it's not worth the pain it would cause me. I've been counting my days sober, and now I'm wondering if I count today as day 12 or go back to 1. Either way, I'm happy, as what I did last night, giving away a drink, NEVER would have happened before. Thanks for reading

PurpleKnight

Well it's definitely a victory, you could have woken up this morning in a very different place.

I guess you need to work out what was so appealing about that glass of wine? what did you think it was going to add to your life? For me working these things out cemented my Sobriety as I realised all the nostalgia and romanticism of alcohol on a sunny afternoon was all false.

The other thing I had to figure out and accept was that a period of abstention from alcohol, no matter how good physically/mentally I was feeling in no way somehow cured or fixed me, the 1st drink would still lead to the same place as it has always done, no matter whether it's months or years, this realisation I have found pretty helpful!!

Keep pushing through!!

JaneLane

This is a massive victory! I had a similar experience last year at a wedding reception. It felt natural to lust after alcohol but actually when I occupied myself with food and the other stuff going on, I felt okay and was so proud of myself afterwards.

trachemys

Great job!

12

Gonnachange

I'd put that one in the victory column!

Tang

I'd say semi-victory. Why did you cave in the first place? This situation would be the beginning of a slippery slope for me. 'I'm cured!' just be careful. My 2 cents.

HakunaMatata

Thanks for all the responses. I'd agree with you Tang and say semi-victory. Although I'm proud that I didn't follow through completely, the tough, productive works comes from reflecting on why I poured the drink in the first place. I'm a definite work in progress, but I'm slowly but surely realizing that drinking will not enhance situations and make them better. I'm starting to know myself better, what makes me tick, who I am deep down, and what I need to work on personally....whereas before, I didn't know my true self and thought it was cool to be known as the party girl. At the BBQ, I looked around and saw everyone with a beer or glass of wine in their hand, laughing and dancing as the sun set, and I glamorized the whole situation in my head, looking at it through rose-colored glasses. I felt left out and my AV creeped up on me, telling me that I wasn't having as good of a time as everyone else because I wasn't drinking. I've always been shy and have some pretty bad social anxiety. Previously, I'd thought that I was getting funnier, prettier, smarter, more appealing the more I drank. Obviously quite the opposite. What I realized at the BBQ, as I felt those sips of wine go through my system, is that I was fine just the way I was and feeling buzzed or drunk would not help me develop better connections or have more fun. I pictured myself the next morning, filled with anxiety and guilt, and ran like hell.