ZeldaFan

So after almost 8 months sober, the beast got to me. I started drinking vodka on Tuesday and went straight through until I was vomiting and sick last night. Of course, today the anxiety, shame, fear and regret are horrible. I can't believe how easy it was to fall back into a habit that I hate so much.

HeadLump

Oh, Zelda I'm so sorry. Do you know what caused it?

So happy you're back trying again. 8 months is great and will have taught you so much. Grab on to that - and grab on to us, too

ScottFromWI

Sorry to hear that Zelda..I know the feeling though. Each time I went back it got worse sooner every time. You know how to be sober obviously with 8 months, any indication on what failed with your plan?

ZeldaFan

I know it's the oldest excuse in the book but a lot of stuff is happening at work and the stress of it all finally got to me. One day I was driving home and the next thing I knew I was in the liquor store. I got complacent with my sobriety and took it for granted.

least

As was told to me many times - forgive yourself, learn from it, and move forward again.

jdooner

First, I am sorry. Second and most important I wanted to point out something that jumps out at me:

You did not drink because of work, stress, anxiety, those are rationalizations, IMO.

What is likely though is he stress and anxiety from work are real and you did not develop adequate coping mechanisms, so when they rose and your program or lack there of could not handle it you reverted to your old coping mechanism, alcohol.

This seems fairly simple. You need to develop a stronger program. I kind of look at it like building a dam. You can build one that is fine for most rain storms but that hurricane might crest the dam and cause it to fail. So strengthen your program with reinforcements and I am sure you will be fine.

Good luck.

geno198

Hey buddy.

Stick to you plan, alter it where you need to.

Saw a great quote. Don't judge me by my success, judge me on my failures and how many times I get up.

Please try again

Nuudawn

In hindsight Zelda...were their nigglings of self that you ignored before you hit the point of no return? I mean can you see points in the trembling pressure cooker before you blew? Where there points you should have addressed the compressing steam? Just curious.

Anyways...we need you here, so please hop right back up on that sober stallion.

ZeldaFan

That makes a lot of sense. Thanks for the good insight.

PurpleKnight

Welcome back Zelda, I know how easy it is to have a bad day and drink, I went round and round in circles for a long time reaching out to alcohol for that quick fix.

But no point in beating yourself up, chalk it off as a learning curve and move forward, as others have said tweak the plan and go at things again!!

Thepatman

Sorry about your setback Zelda.

I know stress is a definite factor for me as well. I have a hard time dealing in a healthy way.

Raider

I'm so sorry. Been in that boat. Glad you are back. Prayers your way Honeypie!

ZeldaFan

So I forgot how horrible the nights are the first few days. Even a full 24 hours after my last drink, I woke up covered in sweat and screaming about a painting or something last night. Body temps are all over the place as well. Really makes me question why the heck I put myself through all of this again...

soberclover

I'm learning that the key to sobriety is developing an array of coping mechanisms; sometimes the standard "go to" coping mechanism doesn't work. I always need to think of new ones. I also had to really really really work on acceptance....the acceptance that I cannot drink....no matter what. Take care of yourself and move on....you go this!

Mizzuno

One foot in front of the other.

Cecil

Good luck Zelda. I just relapsed after two proud weeks. Now my boyfriend wants nothing to do with me. It's a nasty disease

liberated

keep on keeping on- Zelda! I just hit 9 months and have recently noticed AV stronger than before. Beast is just that- A BEAST.

ZeldaFan

Thanks liberated! It was so unexpected when my AV came back full force. I hadn't heard from him in months and I think that's definitely part of where things when wrong. I forgot how to cope with the beast so when he showed back up I wasn't prepared at all. Now I know this time to never, ever let my guard down.

Dee74

Welcome back Zelda

Lots of good advice here, but ultimately your recovery programme wasn't up to the stress, right?

have you any ideas on what you could add to your programne, or things you could do differently?

D

SoberLeigh

(((Zeldafan)))); I don't think that any of us just woke up one morning and said "I think I will stop drinking today". No, for most of us it took years to acknowledge we had a problem, and more years to have the courage to get through Day 1. Even after the agony of reaching "acknowledgement" and finding the courage to stop, we slipped, we fell, we relapsed. It is the nature of the beast.

I am sorry for your relapse but am really glad that you are back; your SR friends truly understand. We are here to help you build up your sober arsenal and beat back that demonic AV.

Welcome back.