AA again?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: mountains
Posts: 6
AA again?
I have tried to quit almost every day for the past 11 months after relapsing after being sober 6 weeks+ (longest in 10 years) never made it more than 24 hours.
Last summer I was going to 2 AA meetings a day got a sponsor and relapsed after 6 weeks. My sponsor read me the riot act and told me to stop sharing in meetings. I made it another week and called him saying I was tempted to drink. He said in an annoyed tone, "Then go ahead, if your not done, go drink!" So i have for the last 11 months. Now no AA and 3 days sober.
Last summer I was going to 2 AA meetings a day got a sponsor and relapsed after 6 weeks. My sponsor read me the riot act and told me to stop sharing in meetings. I made it another week and called him saying I was tempted to drink. He said in an annoyed tone, "Then go ahead, if your not done, go drink!" So i have for the last 11 months. Now no AA and 3 days sober.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Mid-Atlantic USA
Posts: 2,441
Welcome to SR crazy. I'm glad you have 3 days sober. I don't use AA, but from what I do know about AA and sponsors, it appears your old sponsor may have lacked compassion. I suggest giving AA another try and find a sponsor who is a little more understanding.
But whatever you decide, please stick around this site, you will find a lot of support and encouragement here.
But whatever you decide, please stick around this site, you will find a lot of support and encouragement here.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 567
told me to stop sharing in meetings
If one is to share their recovery via the 12 steps, then that's what he is implying, you have no recovery to share.
Sure, there might be the drunk-a-log, but do you have the experience of the 1st 11 steps ?
Look at step 12, what does it say, ?
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics,
If you turn that into a question and ask yourself to consider,
"What is my result of the 1st 11 steps"?
Then go back to Step 1 and ask yourself are you willing to concede that you have no power over alcohol ?
Can you stop drinking after the first drink?, do you have the power to stop the craving for more alcohol once alcohol enters your body?
------------,
"Then go ahead, if your not done, go drink!"
He is not your HP, a sponsor is not God, he or she is merely a messenger who is trying to carry the message of recovery from their own experience of his/her journey through the 1st 11 Steps, then he/she is practicing these principles as it says so in Step 12
to practice these principles in all our affairs.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,320
Hi Krazyleggs 
I have a lot of respect for AA - it's saved some of my friends lives.
You might do better with another sponsor?
some of us respond better to some building up, not tearing down
There are a lot of other recovery avenues too:
here's some links to some of the main players, including but not limited to AA:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.
D
I have a lot of respect for AA - it's saved some of my friends lives.
You might do better with another sponsor?
some of us respond better to some building up, not tearing down
There are a lot of other recovery avenues too:
here's some links to some of the main players, including but not limited to AA:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Mid-Atlantic USA
Posts: 2,441
Pete, assuming Krazy’s account is basically true, I’m not sure I understand your reply. Many AA members on this site suggest that someone struggling should reach out and call another AA member. Krazy said he was tempted to drink so he called his sponsor, and while we don't have both sides of the story, it appears Krazy's sponsor failed to offer support and encouragement.
So what's the point of calling a sponsor if the sponsor will respond with "go ahead . . . go drink!"? Sure, a sponsor isn't God, but I bet that sponsor was once in a similar position and could offer some solid advice to a another member who is struggling.
Really, it can't be both ways. Either a struggling member is supposed to call or they aren't, so which is it?
So what's the point of calling a sponsor if the sponsor will respond with "go ahead . . . go drink!"? Sure, a sponsor isn't God, but I bet that sponsor was once in a similar position and could offer some solid advice to a another member who is struggling.
Really, it can't be both ways. Either a struggling member is supposed to call or they aren't, so which is it?
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: liverpool, england
Posts: 1,708
this is the crazy types of people we have in aa sadly aa isnt perfect
all i can say if find a sponsor who doesn't preach, has no motives to try to change you, even a new comer will know when someone is trying to manipulate them.
if anyone tells people to not share in meetings tell them to go and jump in a lake, new comers are encoraged to share so they can remind us were we have come from
sharing is no about giving a great story out to impress others with
its how i first learned to get honest about me
telling a room full of people that i had weed the bed to when i heard someone else share it was a huge thing for me to do
and i only spoke out after i heard other people being honest about themselves in a meeting
i got that priceless gift of identification, from other aa memebers so i spoke out and shared a little bit about me and how i was living at that time
it was totaly confusion but it helped me so much and kept me coming back
i would call anyone out who dares to think they have a right to tell others not to share in an aa room
people should really think hard about how they sponsor people , taking ownership of new comers and trying to get them to do things there way sounds a familer pattern of an alcoholics life
have they just learned how to use aa and its tools to carry on controling others who are weaker than them when they first come to aa and will try hard to fit in ?
sorry you have had this problem with your sponsor, i can understand you not wanting to go back to it
i wouldnt go back either if it was full of people like that either but its not there are some good people in aa you just have to find them
look past all the great speakers in aa and look for people who are helping others in the rooms there the ones who will be glad to give you there time and effort without expecting anything from you
good luck to you
all i can say if find a sponsor who doesn't preach, has no motives to try to change you, even a new comer will know when someone is trying to manipulate them.
if anyone tells people to not share in meetings tell them to go and jump in a lake, new comers are encoraged to share so they can remind us were we have come from
sharing is no about giving a great story out to impress others with
its how i first learned to get honest about me
telling a room full of people that i had weed the bed to when i heard someone else share it was a huge thing for me to do
and i only spoke out after i heard other people being honest about themselves in a meeting
i got that priceless gift of identification, from other aa memebers so i spoke out and shared a little bit about me and how i was living at that time
it was totaly confusion but it helped me so much and kept me coming back
i would call anyone out who dares to think they have a right to tell others not to share in an aa room
people should really think hard about how they sponsor people , taking ownership of new comers and trying to get them to do things there way sounds a familer pattern of an alcoholics life
have they just learned how to use aa and its tools to carry on controling others who are weaker than them when they first come to aa and will try hard to fit in ?
sorry you have had this problem with your sponsor, i can understand you not wanting to go back to it
i wouldnt go back either if it was full of people like that either but its not there are some good people in aa you just have to find them
look past all the great speakers in aa and look for people who are helping others in the rooms there the ones who will be glad to give you there time and effort without expecting anything from you
good luck to you
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
I agree with both Pete and Phoenix. If one of mine drinks and comes back, I don't read the riot act. I can't see how that would help. The newcomer has no defence against the first drink until well into step 9 in my experience. We need to get together and try and figure out what went wrong.
I'm betting that one party or the other was dragging their heels on step work. Most of the time, the relapsing alcoholic does not call their sponsor beforehand but, as Pete said, even if they did, the sponsor has no special powers to stop you drinking.
The big book suggests that sometimes one more go at drinking may be worthwhile to get a true knowledge of your condition. I did that and it put the cork in the bottle for me. I went back to meetings and just listened. No one told me not to speak, it was just that I couldn't string a sentence together at the time. But listening did me a lot more good.
The past pattern is what would influence a sponsor's reaction. Surprising as it may seem, some alcoholics are actually reluctant to take the steps and keep dodging the issue. Instead they come to rely on the sponsor solving every little problem, but when it comes to the return of the obsession, well, that's not a little problem. It is one the sponsor is powerless to fix.
Maybe the sponsor would get just a little annoyed that the sponsee has been unwilling to follow the suggestions that would have most likely prevented the problem. Namely, the steps.
I'm betting that one party or the other was dragging their heels on step work. Most of the time, the relapsing alcoholic does not call their sponsor beforehand but, as Pete said, even if they did, the sponsor has no special powers to stop you drinking.
The big book suggests that sometimes one more go at drinking may be worthwhile to get a true knowledge of your condition. I did that and it put the cork in the bottle for me. I went back to meetings and just listened. No one told me not to speak, it was just that I couldn't string a sentence together at the time. But listening did me a lot more good.
The past pattern is what would influence a sponsor's reaction. Surprising as it may seem, some alcoholics are actually reluctant to take the steps and keep dodging the issue. Instead they come to rely on the sponsor solving every little problem, but when it comes to the return of the obsession, well, that's not a little problem. It is one the sponsor is powerless to fix.
Maybe the sponsor would get just a little annoyed that the sponsee has been unwilling to follow the suggestions that would have most likely prevented the problem. Namely, the steps.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: liverpool, england
Posts: 1,708
Originally Posted by Gottalife 
I agree with both Pete and Phoenix. If one of mine drinks and comes back, I don't read the riot act. I can't see how that would help. The newcomer has no defence against the first drink until well into step 9 in my experience. We need to get together and try and figure out what went wrong.
I'm betting that one party or the other was dragging their heels on step work. Most of the time, the relapsing alcoholic does not call their sponsor beforehand but, as Pete said, even if they did, the sponsor has no special powers to stop you drinking.
The big book suggests that sometimes one more go at drinking may be worthwhile to get a true knowledge of your condition. I did that and it put the cork in the bottle for me. I went back to meetings and just listened. No one told me not to speak, it was just that I couldn't string a sentence together at the time. But listening did me a lot more good.
The past pattern is what would influence a sponsor's reaction. Surprising as it may seem, some alcoholics are actually reluctant to take the steps and keep dodging the issue. Instead they come to rely on the sponsor solving every little problem, but when it comes to the return of the obsession, well, that's not a little problem. It is one the sponsor is powerless to fix.
Maybe the sponsor would get just a little annoyed that the sponsee has been unwilling to follow the suggestions that would have most likely prevented the problem. Namely, the steps.
I'm betting that one party or the other was dragging their heels on step work. Most of the time, the relapsing alcoholic does not call their sponsor beforehand but, as Pete said, even if they did, the sponsor has no special powers to stop you drinking.
The big book suggests that sometimes one more go at drinking may be worthwhile to get a true knowledge of your condition. I did that and it put the cork in the bottle for me. I went back to meetings and just listened. No one told me not to speak, it was just that I couldn't string a sentence together at the time. But listening did me a lot more good.
The past pattern is what would influence a sponsor's reaction. Surprising as it may seem, some alcoholics are actually reluctant to take the steps and keep dodging the issue. Instead they come to rely on the sponsor solving every little problem, but when it comes to the return of the obsession, well, that's not a little problem. It is one the sponsor is powerless to fix.
Maybe the sponsor would get just a little annoyed that the sponsee has been unwilling to follow the suggestions that would have most likely prevented the problem. Namely, the steps.
it took me 2 years or more before i undertook the steps although i had done step one the very first meeting i went to but i didn't know it back then.
all i did was get to meetings and share my pain and i had a lot of pain in my life going on when i was first around aa as i had nothing
all i know is by going to meetings day and night it kept me sober and the love and kindness i got from the real people in aa ( not the robots who preach and do nothing ) there love and actions helped carry me
i hope you can find aa like that for yourself my friend, as its out there good luck to you
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 567
krazyleggs said he called his sponsor and said, What does that tell you ?
And I am not having a dig a krazyleggs, it's the alcoholic mind of the real alcoholic, it will sneak in and try to "tell you" to drink in more ways than one.
Therefore, the obsession has not been removed and an obsession's roots are our thoughts. krazyleggs's alcoholic mind is tempting his sponsor, but his sponsor ain't playing that little game. See it?
This "theatre" in our minds that can get so overwhelming, that one day we think we can beat the drinking game is the insanity of this dis-ease.
That's what his sponsor was saying back to his dis-ease, his thinking, "go drink if you think you can stop at one, well good on you, you are probably not as alcoholic as we are".... I am sure it was not back at krazyleggs personally, that's the difference.
Did krazyleggs drink after that reply from his sponsor ?
I hope not.
If one has sponsored others numerous times and has some experience, they know what I am talking about, if you have not had the experience of taking a few through the steps, then how does one know how to reply to a sponsee who calls his sponsor and say's, "I was tempted to drink". ?
His sponsor knew exactly what to say, "don't waste my time"....
I was tempted to drink.
And I am not having a dig a krazyleggs, it's the alcoholic mind of the real alcoholic, it will sneak in and try to "tell you" to drink in more ways than one.
Therefore, the obsession has not been removed and an obsession's roots are our thoughts. krazyleggs's alcoholic mind is tempting his sponsor, but his sponsor ain't playing that little game. See it?
This "theatre" in our minds that can get so overwhelming, that one day we think we can beat the drinking game is the insanity of this dis-ease.
That's what his sponsor was saying back to his dis-ease, his thinking, "go drink if you think you can stop at one, well good on you, you are probably not as alcoholic as we are".... I am sure it was not back at krazyleggs personally, that's the difference.
Did krazyleggs drink after that reply from his sponsor ?
I hope not.
If one has sponsored others numerous times and has some experience, they know what I am talking about, if you have not had the experience of taking a few through the steps, then how does one know how to reply to a sponsee who calls his sponsor and say's, "I was tempted to drink". ?
His sponsor knew exactly what to say, "don't waste my time"....
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Miami, FL
Posts: 1,701
One of the problems I have with the program is that there seems to be such opposed opinions on how to deal with someone on the edge of relapse. I was taught that no earthly power could help at such a moment, and that to attempt to help would negate one's first step. Some on SR take a more relaxed view. I know I needed help from people most at the times I was on the edge of relapse.
Frequently you hear the recommendation that people should go out and drink or use more. I do not understand how anyone who claims to be in recovery could say such a thing.
Frequently you hear the recommendation that people should go out and drink or use more. I do not understand how anyone who claims to be in recovery could say such a thing.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Washington, MO
Posts: 2,306
My experience in the beginning at AA was similar to yours. I thought that sharing whatever was on my mind would somehow purge my demons and bring relief and healing (everyone else was babbling and I had a lot to say too!). I was shocked and hurt when I did not get applause for being honest with my innermost feelings and wanted to punch a few of the hard-asses who did not coddle. I also thought that those who simply said "keep coming back" were a bit smug and patronizing but their eyes and warm handshake said something different. Truth is, I was only familiar with the warmth of a drink and not-so-much with that of someone who cared-but-was-not-going-to-join-in-my-pity. I did have to listen to find that drinking and being a wreck was not a unique story at all and some had even hurt more than myself. I also had to listen (and observe) long enough to choose a mentor and friends who truly had their ship together as many in AA (and life in general) are bullshippers. Being under the influence is a false armor of sorts and being around people without it I felt vulnerable--but it gets better. That is mostly physical. Everyone goes through it. It is temporary. You did it before and can do it again. Sunshine hurts those of us living in caves at first so go easy so you don't get burnt--but even if you do, skin will just die and peel off with a new layer underneath. Out in the sun is where it's at and there is plenty beaming here at SR. Best Wishes
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi. An old sponsor of mine, from the times before the internet, introduced himself as an alcoholic and “powerless over alcohol whether I drink it or not.” That has a lot of meaning when examined. I was told that the program of AA is the 12 steps and the fellowship of people hold us together with words of advice and examples of our backgrounds.
I see a lot of advice on forums, some very good and some just written with absolutely no facts at all.
I needed to go to meetings, listen, get active, concentrate on Step one and don’t drink today. That worked and then it was suggested to concentrate on all 12 steps. Many years later it’s still working though I have trouble with the watering down of AA due to rehab softer easier approach which is less effective than us older hard liners. JMO
BE WELL
I see a lot of advice on forums, some very good and some just written with absolutely no facts at all.
I needed to go to meetings, listen, get active, concentrate on Step one and don’t drink today. That worked and then it was suggested to concentrate on all 12 steps. Many years later it’s still working though I have trouble with the watering down of AA due to rehab softer easier approach which is less effective than us older hard liners. JMO
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 567
Page 31-32 of BB
Courtesy of the first edition AA
The authors in the BB suggest if one has any doubt about controlling their drinking, then try some self diagnosis. But above all be honest about your own drinking.
We do not like to pronounce any individual as alcoholic, but you can quickly diagnose yourself. Step over to the nearest barroom and try some controlled drinking. Try to drink and stop abruptly. Try it more than once. It will not take long for you to decide, if you are honest with yourself about it. It may be worth a bad case of jitters if you get a full knowledge of your condition.
The authors in the BB suggest if one has any doubt about controlling their drinking, then try some self diagnosis. But above all be honest about your own drinking.
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